The Mo-Road-Show Travels Through the Deep South and into the Wild West

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Leaving Florida, Shazza and I spent an uneventful night in Mobile, Alabama, before making it to New Orleans, Louisiana, N.O.L.A. for short or "Nawlins" if you're a local. My 3 day-old mo was revelling in the humid growing conditions, but Shazza wasn't convinced. She thought she had a more substantial one made up of squashed bugs on her front bumper. Still I was determined to spread the mo-ssage to the people of the Deep South. At least it may bring some comedy value to an area that has been through some tough times.

Although Hurricane Katrina hit the area over 2 years ago, her after-effects are still very visible all around the outer city. As you cross the long bridge over Lake Pontchartrain into the city, you can see large-scale construction on either side of the highway in the below-sea-level suburbs. The famous French Quarter area (built on the highest land) was largely untouched by the floods, when 80% of the city was under water. Driving around the worst roads I've experienced on this trip and seeing the generally dirty city with one of the highest violent crime rates in North America, I couldn't see what all the fuss about this place was. My impressions didn't improve when I checked into the hostel where the 40+ year old male occupants hanging out the back made it feel like a half-way home, and I was warned not to walk the 20 blocks into town when it even started to get dark.

But after getting a bus into town at dusk, Nawlins' appeal hit me like a slap in the face with a wet fish. Walking onto the famous Bourbon St, all my senses came alive with scene unfolding in front of me. People of all ages were strolling (or stumbling) between the countless bars, restaurants, shops and strip clubs, most lit up with bright neon signs. On both sides were classic buildings with cast-iron balconies, lined with hanging pot-plants and local sports flags. Blockades were in place to prevent any cars coming down and left-over mardi gras beads hung from overhead power lines, backed by the last minutes of the dusk light. Like the rowdy revellers, music poured out of venues onto the street from both sides in a variety of styles. Yep, Nawlins is a real party town!

Without wasting time I found a bar that had 3 for 1 beers and a big crowd watching the Louisiana State University vs Alabama college football game. With the local LSU Tigers winning in overtime, the place erupted with back-slaps and American high-fives galore. The mood was reflected back out on the street as I took another 3 beers in "to go cups" and wandered along, checking out the festivities. There are very few places in the USA where you can walk on the street with alcohol, but here they encourage it. Beers, hurricanes, bourbon, as long as its in plastic cups you can take it into shops, restaurants, strip clubs or other pubs. If you haven't got a drink in your hand, you stand out like a sore thumb here.

I continued my self-made pub crawl the length of Bourbon St and over to the more local Frenchman's St. There at a cool bar, I met a group of local girls who were on a pub crawl of their own. They invited me to come along to their next venue- 'The Bourbon Pub', which sounded fun. They failed to tell me The Bourbon Pub is one of the most famous gay bars in town- just think male go-go dancers wearing only white undies and dancing on all the bars. Able to laugh it off, it made for a funny night.

Morning number 1 and hangover number 1. I was quickly discovering why they say New Orleans is a recovering alcoholic's worst nightmare. After some "Southern Soul Food" for brunch, I spent the day seeing the French Quarter in daylight. Without all the neon lights and drunken people around (apart from a few stumblers), the historical area is so beautiful. A variety of buskers were performing around Jackson Square, while people shopped for antiques and artwork along Royal St. I stopped in to catch a bit of the Sunday afternoon NFL game and have one beer, or so I thought. 6 beers later I was wondering what had happened, but this place seems to do that to you. New Orleans is to North America what Amsterdam is to Europe. Seemingly in a bubble from the surrounding rules and regulations, people are there for the specific reason of having a good time. Only staying around downtown, you would never get a sense that a massive natural disaster ever hit the city at all.

Sarah, from the night before, and some friends took me out to dinner and drinks in the Uptown area- away from the at times overwhelming Bourbon St. One of her friends, Kirsten, offered to be my local tour guide the following day, as she had worked for the controversial FEMA (federal emergency management agency) following Katrina. We took a drive to the infamous 'Lower 9th Ward', the poor, black neighbourhood where a wayward barge had ripped a huge hole in the levee wall and caused the flood waters to rush through. Half the suburb was non-existent, apart from a few houses here and there. Power lines, foundations and driveways were the only clue that there were ever houses there in the first place. Boats and rubble still lay on the side of the curbs, and the few remaining houses were marked with spray paint, indicating when a body search was carried out. We then saw a middle-class, white neighbourhood that also sustained major damage. Between the better construction methods originally used and being able to afford to rebuild, the reconstruction there was mostly complete. After the somber day, we went out for some classic Nawlins cuisine, which included alligator cheesecake, fried oysters and Cajun-style crawfish. A stop in at 'The Maple Leaf Bar' next door to catch an amazing local funk band topped off the memorable tour of NOLA.

The next morning, Shazza and I picked up a Swedish girl, Sanna, who I'd met at the hostel in Miami that needed a lift. We drove across Louisiana's marshy French-Cajun country and into dry and flat Texas. Sticking to the interstate as we passed Houston, we eventually made it to the state capital, Austin, and a nice hostel right on The Colorado River. After the long drive, we went for some Tex-Mex food (which seems to be Mexican food with double the cheese and sauce), followed by a movie at the 'Alamo Drafthouse Theatre'- a movie theatre that serves food and alcohol to your seat throughout the movie. The next day we did a walking tour of Austin- seeing the 2 things most people picture when they think about Texas- George Bush and guns. First up, we did a tour of the Texas Capitol Building, where George W Bush served as governor before doing what he does now. Interestingly there have been 6 ruling flags flown over Texas in its history: Spain, France, Mexico, Republic of Texas, Confederate States and the United States. Just up the road is the University of Texas campus, where in 1966 a student/ ex-marine killed 15 people with a sniper rifle from the clock tower.

Shazza's front-left tread was wearing low, so while in Austin I decided to take Shazza shoe shopping. She appreciated the thought, but wasn't too impressed with only getting one pre-used tread to replace her old one.

Unlike the rest of Texas, Austin is known more for its liberal, alternative lifestyle and music scene than tourist sights. For a few days, I hung out with some people from the hostel, swimming and canoeing at nearby tranquil Barton Springs during the day and checking out the lively bars and music on '6th Street' at night. On the last day, I was able to pick up a scalped ticket to the University of Texas (Longhorns) vs Texas Technical College football game. After some tailgating with the "Horns" fans near the ground, 4 Apache helicopters flying towards the stadium signalled that the game was about to commence. 86,000 fans packed into the stadium, with at least 80,000 of them in the Longhorn's burnt orange and white colours. The afternoon lived up to the lively carnival atmosphere hype I'd heard about for college football games. It had everything from massive marching bands, to drunk and topless frat guys with body paint, to grandmothers joining in with the team songs and longhorn hand gestures. Both teams had a reputation for great offence and average defense, and the game reflected that. The local rivals went touchdown for touchdown all afternoon, keeping the crowd on its feet for the entire game. The final score was 59-42 for the Longhorns, and the party began on the walk down to 6th St.

In the morning, Shazza and I drove to San Antonio to visit 'The Alamo'- the most famous Texan battle site in its bloody history. In 1836, Davy Crockett and a handful of other patriots held a division on the Mexican Army at bay for 2 weeks before finally being overwhelmed and killed. From there we continued west, where the land became what I'd pictured Texas to look like- very flat and brown with plateaus in the far distance. Hearing about some unexplained lights in the middle of nowhere that have been appearing since the 1800's, we made it to the roadside viewing area outside of Marfa. Thankfully a local air force pilot was there to point out where and what to look for, as at first they looked like the cars in the distance. After watching more closely, the dancing lights swirled around and faded in and out in an area which is an ex-weapons testing range. The most likely explanation for 'The Marfa Lights' is that are caused by electro-magnetic discharge from the rocks in the mountains behind, but there are a host of wild theories out there.

Unfortunately on the way home, we saw some more familiar lights- of the red and blue flashing variety, as we were pulled over by the Texas State Troopers. Our speed of 75 mph was legal during daylight hours, but dropped to 65 mph in night conditions. Not even my thickest accent and story about driving around "this great country" could stop the friendly trooper from issuing us a ticket. I told Shazza the $125 was coming out of her service allowance.

After a night at a "dodge the stains motel" in nearby Alpine, we headed south towards Big Bend National Park- the country's least visited N.P. The landscape down there was so different to what we’ve seen on the rest of this trip, and looked like it was straight out of a 'Looney Toons' cartoon. The only wildlife we saw were road runners and coyotes avoiding the cars, while a few dead skunks lay on the road (and yes, they really do smell that bad!) I did a couple of hikes in the park, including one into the Santa Elena Canyon, where the Rio Grande (that's 'grand river' for all you non-Spanish speakers) flows through, flanked by the USA on one side and Mexico on the other. That night, we set up camp under a stunning Texan sunset and had an early night. In the morning, we took Hwy 170- "Texas' most scenic drive" which snaked its way alongside the river, through canyons and mountain passes, before ending back in wide-open desert.

In the afternoon we made it to Carlsbad Caverns National Park, New Mexico- a collection of massive caves set in a desert hillside. You know a cave is large when you take the elevator underground and find a gift shop and cafe there! The self guided walking tour took several hours to complete and took in a variety of rooms and rock formations. The caverns were impressive for their sheer size, with rooms that felt like a natural cathedral rather than a cave. At one point the floor to ceiling height was 78 metres (around 200ft), and a stalactite chandelier hung from above. From big spaces to small ones, Shazza and I bunked down in a Christian Community Housing car park that night, before running away at dawn the next morning. We skipped seeing the strange folk at Roswell to the north, and headed west through The Sacramento Mountains, passing small ex-mining towns and ski resorts. On the other side of the range, The White Sands National Monument looked like a plain of snow in the middle of the brown valley. The white, gypsum sand desert was amazing to drive through and disorientating to walk on. Always down for a barefoot hike, I thought the 8km (5m) loop trail would be fun to do in the middle of the day. If it wasn't for the trail markers, I'm sure I'd still be out there wandering around. With similar looking sand dunes and no vegetation in all directions, it was a surreal feeling to be so isolated, yet so close to civilisation.

After 2 days of hiking in deserts with no opportunity to shower or swim, the hostel not far to the north and its hot mineral spas, sounded like heaven. The town of Truth or Consequences was named after a radio show, and it turned out to be a little gem. Apart from the amazing view of the mountain range from the 40c (105f) mineral spa, the artsy town was an interesting mix of Native American, Mexican and American cultures. The bright and colourful tri-blend of buildings, food and art was the most prominent I've seen on this trip, and made for a fascinating walk through the town. It will be interesting to see if the area can keep its charm in the future, with a new Daytona racing track being built to the north, while to the south Richard Branson's ambitious 'Space Port' is under construction. The port will cater to the ultra-rich elite, wanting to experience leaving the earth's atmosphere.

Not since the onsens in Japan (yes, I realise I sound like a travel-wanker) have I enjoyed a good soak like I did here, sitting back and staring at the brilliant stars in the cool sky. I met a couple of Santa Fe, middle-aged scientists in the spa (as you do), who I joined for some tasty Mexican down the road. They were enthralled with my road trip, having only seen a small amount of where I'd been in the past few months.

Another dawn departure in the morning took us through another mountain range drive, where the desert turned to ponderosa pine forests surrounding occasional ghost-mining towns. The interesting town of Silver City has turned its focus to local art and craft to survive, and seemed to be flourishing. Finishing our surprising couple of days in New Mexico, we crossed into Arizona and over to The Kartchner Caverns State Park. One of the world's best 'living' caves, the caverns still feel like they would have to the 2 university students who kept their discovery secret for 7 years. Unlike the small hole they had to squeeze through, a series of climate controlled chambers and meticulous cleaning schedule keeps it in pristine condition. The massive 'Kubla Khan' column was the highlight of the range of colourful rock formations we saw.

Down the road, we visited the compact town of Bisbee, built in a steep, rich copper-coloured canyon. Once a bustling mining town, it has retained its original feel well with old hotels and stores lining the main street. Our next stop, the Wild West town of Tombstone, was the ultimate contrast. Looking more like a western amusement park than a town, the OK Corral (where a famous gun fight took place in 1881) makes up just one of the "tourist attractions" you can waste your money on. We headed into the small college city of Tucson at dusk and checked into the local hostel. Bright stadium lights a few kilometres (less than a few miles) away indicated it was a football night. The lowly ranked University of Arizona Wildcats were hosting the 2nd overall ranked college team, the Oregon University Ducks. I was able to pick up a scalped ticket at the last minute at arrived as Oregon got off to a lead. Everything changed when the Ducks' quarter back went down with a knee injury. The replacement player was rusty and The Wildcats gained confidence from the hopeful crowd. In the end University of Arizona managed a massive upset win, considered their biggest in 15 years, and most of the 50,000 fans stormed the field to celebrate.

The next morning, we took a drive up to look at Biosphere 2, a self-sufficient habitat built in the 90's as an experiment to see if humans could survive on other planets. It included several types of ecosystems including replicas of the Amazon forest, dry deserts, tropical oceans and fresh produce farms (producing enough coffee for 8 cups a month!). 'Bionauts' were contained inside for missions up to 2 years in length, although they had to have emergency oxygen pumped in on occasion. It turns out the concrete inside was still curing, causing it to deplete their supply. Now the "world's biggest test tube" is used for smaller experiments and tours through the run-down facility. It was strange to wander through the living quarters and environments as if you were investigating a deceased race. In the afternoon I visited one of the local, beautiful Spanish missions and grabbed some drinks and Mexican food around the fun University District in Tucson.

The final day of the road trip began like most of them- doing some research over breakfast about what to do and see for the day. A quick good morning to Shazza and we were off again, on our final leg west. Not far out of town was the unique Saguaro National Park, a mountainous area covered in Saguaro cacti. Some short walks wound between the towering plants and to some ancient rock carvings, estimated to be as old as 300AD. The drive on the interstate across Arizona was mostly flat and uneventful, until reaching Yuma. On either side of the highway massive sand dunes stood, with hundreds of dirt bikes tearing up and down, while at the base a small RV city had set up.

Trying my best to explain to everyone I meet about the origins and reasons for Movember, it has mostly fallen on deaf ears. The only time I seem to get plenty of attention has been at the random border patrol stops they set up across on roads across the south west. Waving through everyone that looks like an average white American, the officers have stopped me on every occasion. I think they take my sporadic moustache an as indication I’m a Mexican trying to cross the border. It then throws them right off when I speak with an Aussie accent!

After another such stop, we crossed into our last state of the trip, California, and climbed through the grey and eerie Coyote Mountains into San Diego County. The sun was setting out to sea and glowing through the smoke haze remnants from the destructive wildfires a few weeks earlier. We finally pulled up at good friend- Tara's place in time for a rare home cooked meal and a quiet bed to sleep in.

So our 15 week, 17,000 mile (27,000 km) road trip was finally finished, and we both felt exhausted. Shazza and I had covering half of Canada's provinces (7) and USA's states (26) in 9 weeks of driving and 6 weeks of parked time. It meant for those 9 weeks, we were averaging 1900 miles (3000 kms) a week- the equivalent of driving from Melbourne to Cairns.

Unfortunately now Shazza and I must part ways. She is destined to remain in this country, while I am heading south for the winter, starting with Mexico. It’ll be tough to leave her behind, but we both have such different futures ahead of us (plus she was holding me back with our Spanish lessons). First though is recovering from the last section and planning for the upcoming phase of the trip.

Total Distance Travelled: 17,000 miles, or 27,400 kilometres
Spanish Known at This Point: "Hay alguna gasolinera por aqui?" (Where's the next gas station?)
Horoscope for the Week:
Scorpio (October 24-November 21)
While you often claim that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, those afflicted with cerebral palsy will continue to disagree.

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Photos

Bourbon Street
While the vision is still single.

Jackson Square
The central park of The French Quarter

French Quarter Hotel
The classic iron balconies

Blur-bon St
Night-time festivities continue

Tour Guides
Sarah, Kirsten and friends

Maple Leaf Funk
The pressed iron walls of the lively pub

Abandoned House
The search-code X on the front- indicates this house was searched on the 20/9 and 0 bodies were found

Levee Walls
The walls repaired to how they were

Louisiana Chain Gang
Nowhere to run to- except for gator-infested swamps

Ex Texas Governor
This guy looked familiar to me- or at least reminded me of an animal I've seen in a zoo

University of Texas Clock Tower
The site of one of the most infamous sniper attacks

Austin Canoeing
Not most people's idea of a Texan landscape

Partying on 6th Street
With what looks like a flying saucer landing

The Ultimate Tail-Gating Trailer
Just look at this set-up closely. This guy is a seasoned professional!

University of Texas Stadium
The Longhorns Stadium in full colour

U of T Mascot
Not looking impressed by one of the world's largest HD TV's in the stand behind

Longhorn Foam Hand
Getting caught up in the Longhorn fever

"Remember the Alamo!"
The Texan war-cry, made up after the famous stand

Shazza the Texan
Sun protection in West Texas

Big Bend National Park
Keep an eye out for road runners and coyotes

Carlsbad Caverns
Its hard to judge, but the ceiling is around 30m from the floor