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Published: March 15th 2007
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Right, here goes my attempt to sum up Los Angeles,
Stayed: Hostel California (8 - 9 pounds a night), 30 bed dorm, bit of a dive but it does the job. Good location in terms of getting to Venice Beach.
We got off the plane to the unnerving sight of armed police officers with sniffer dogs, conjuring images in our minds of a mauling waiting to happen regardless of the fact we were innocent holiday-goers. Having been barked into the right customs queue I ended up getting talking to the guy who was checking my ID, and his words of advice were thus - every beach in Los Angeles is safe and secure-apart from the one you're staying on. It took a lot longer to say it, a trait I've found in general amongst the Americans I've met, but it was a foreboding message to three bedraggled travellers just off an eleven hour flight. Just to reinforce my generalisation of Americans, outside we managed to eventually find someone who knew where our bus was. He was brilliantly helpful but somewhat laughable too-
'You know what you gonna do? I'll tell you what you gonna do! This is what
you gonna do!' And we did. And it got us to our hostel fine. Which I think is quite lucky because I've noticed furthermore that the roads are so straight here that a lot of drivers barely bother themselves to go looking at the roads to see where they're going. Especially the bus drivers.
Like I say, the hostel wasnt immediately warming, we walked into a large dark strange smelling room and told that we'd make our own beds. From a selection of sheets that I wouldnt have called 'desirable'. But we've grown to call it home. The strange smell is generally emitted from the boy in the bed next to mine, or "the farting frenchman" as he's now lovingly called. Me and Kat have, for the mostpart of the fortnight, been the only girls in our 30 bed dorm, and we have suffered the sights and smells accordingly. Furthermore we are being stalked by a crazed Australian. He talks. And talks. And never stops talking until you run away mid-conversation and hide in the girls toilets. He looks like he's been hunting crocodiles for the past 40 years. And has a bizarre fixation with public transport.
Now
Venice Beach, for all the bad press it was given at the airport, is really nice. Yes there is an 'eclectic mix', but that makes it all the more funny. Where else would you find a man in a turban rollerskating with an electric guitar, being paid for people to take photos of him. Our particular favourite was a man shouting from the rooftops that he would imminently set fire to himself. Strangely enough he drank more of the lighter fluid than he used to set himself alight, but he was fun all the same. His grand finale involved putting a girl on a chair in his mouth. She wasnt bovd at all though.
On our third day in LA we met a lovely young bagpiping American called Ian, who has been carting us round Hollywood and Santa Monica and all such places. He has only two seats in his van and therefore myself and Kathryn cheerily resigned ourselves to sprawling amongst his life belongings in the back of the van. He has awesome taste in 'cruising music'.
Our favourite day this holiday involved muchos hiking and red wine. We hiked up a waterfall in fact. Up ropes
and stuff. I shall later try and put the photos of our daring acrobatic skills up on here when I find out how. But for now, know this; we were awesome. James unfortunately fell down half the waterfall, damaging his posterior in the process and even more unfortunately, later discovered himself to have been savaged by two ticks. Despite the fact its not tick season. Who else could do it?
Our general American experience has been thus. On a daily basis one must consume pizza and / or sausages. 97% of Americans are fricking mental, really mental. And rollerblade in bikinis regardless of whether or not its a good idea. Everyone owns a chihuahua. And cars can and will drive into you. Constantly. If you're smaller than the car you're going down.
In addition to all of the above I now own a hat. Its nice. And we saw the real life batmobile. And Hollywood is grotty. Not splendiforous. Not at all. Thankyou muchly, see you in Fiji.
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Pen
non-member comment
Hols
Ah, all told in the remarkable and amusing words of the Clairos, I suppose that's cos it's your blog and all. Anyhoo start a book Claire, go on start one. You'd be famous and then could treat me to a pony for suggesting it. Plus I will, if desired write the foreword, mentioning such things as you, and Timbob. Yes sirree. xxx