Rock? Are you kidding?

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If you have had the misfortune to hear the craptastic pop song "All Summer Long" by Kid Rock, you will know what I am going on about, if you haven't then consider yourself lucky.

I've written to my local radio station, Channel 4 FM, who are normally pretty good, asking them to remove this rubbish but apparently it is the station's most requested song, and has been for some time.

This is why I find this song more offensive than usual.

1 - It rips off a riff of “Sweet Home Alabama” and “Werewolves of London” which is just lazy/annoying. If you want to do a cover version, fair enough, but passing of someone else's work as your own, naughty. Even the title is a rip off of Beach Boys Album and track.

2 - He goes on about North Michigan, which is about a thousand miles from Alabama. It’s like saying that “London’s Burning” by the Clash reminds me of Rome.

3 - He imaginatively rhymes “things” with “things” in the chorus:

“And we were trying different things
We were smoking funny things”

If that is not the laziest and lamest rhyme ever in the history of pop music, I don’t know what is. It makes Chris De Burgh’s rhyme of “dance” and “romance” in “Lady in Red” seem like lyrical genius. Plus you shouldn't start a sentence with a conjunction.

4 - If aged 18 you are still “trying different things”, you really have had a sheltered life and shouldn’t be bragging about your lack of life experience at the age of 37.

5 - What the hell is “smoking funny things”? Presumably he means cannabis, but the only person who would call a joint a “funny thing” would be someone who is embarrassed about having the odd smoke and doesn't want his mum to find out. Smoking a clown's shoe or a rubber chicken is a "funny thing". This man has sold over 25 million records, can’t he come up with a better chorus?

How about:

“I was shagging a banana,
We were smoking marijuana”

I’m a manager of an inspection company and I came up with a better chorus opener than Mr. Rock, I must be in the wrong game.


6 - He states “Now nothing seems as strange as when the leaves began to change”. Kid Rock was born in January1971, so in the summer of 1989 he was 18 years old. Surely by that time you have managed to grasp the concept of autumn, and what happens to leaves on the many deciduous trees in North America at that time of the year. If the strangest thing you can think of is that process then you truly are thick. The only redeeming thing about this line is that the rhyme of “strange” and “change” is slightly more imaginative than the chorus.



This song has been number one all over the world, including the UK, have the standards fallen so low?

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Comments

[Charles Webster]

I work with computers and even I can do better
"and we were doin' it all night she was smokin' my crack pipe" "and we were freebasing in the rain as she injected my cocaine" And this last one is quite cerebral and intellectualizing the fact he's "Kid" Rock "and we were shagging doggy style, I think she's a pedophile"

[Al n Shez]

"I was rammin' it in butts, she was suckin' on my nuts" "I went to have a wee, she swallowed all my E" "I dreamt I was in Luton, she was crapping on my futon"

[anonymous]

Lee: 'She liked cooking bacon lardons while gagging on my hard on' Julie: "I am such a lucky girl.....:-/ "

[alabamaboy69]

you bitch
you don no nuthin boy alabama is the best state on gods earth asshole

[Mumin]

????
I don't know what you are on about. I've never heard of Kid Rock nor his musical genius. They don't play it on Classicfm here. I will probably hear it now in the next shop that plays musak.

[andy]

get a life
get a life