Today I cried, in a cafe, at a children's book, I'll explain but yes it was as crazy as it sounds; we finally found a wonderful organic cafe it's in Bacalar the owners are just so kind and gentle and the food is amazing. They sell a few products, local oils, creams, tshirts and children's poetry books written by a local author. Today I flicked though the pages, smiling at the beautiful illustrations, then bam it hit me, buy this book for Nye, I could read it to him once I learn Spanish, or I could read it to my children, half English and half Spanish, a tear rolled down my cheek...
"Traveling with the intention of leaving your problems behind is like running from a grenade that's still attached to you"
Right now the pin is pulled out and the seconds are ticking, I have in the past and do tend to escape when damaged, first by family death, second by pain and finally this time by heartbreak, I am no Julia Roberts in search of food, sprit and love and I doubt my journey will end with that Hollywood moment, what I am hopeful for is at
the very least to have time to rebuild myself and reassure my heart and soul. Many of you are aware of my story, for some it is a painful and shark reminder of never knowing what you've got until it's gone. A tearful journey with the underbreath hope that if you love something, set it free, if it comes back to you it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was. It's the pain when you realise it's not coming back, that you fucked up the best thing in your life because you didn't believe it was possible that, that person wanted you, loved you, so the easy option was to let them go, let them love someone else, "we only except the love we think we deserve" for some of us that means being alone is easier. This past year after the months of no sleep, the bottles of wine to send myself to sleep and recently the men to numb the pain has taught me a lot, I have grown hugely, after pushing it away and burying it, I had weeks of crying myself to sleep, then realising that many if the things I felt I had wanted were insignificant compared to being without him. Now a full year later I am slowly beginning to build myself back up, I saw a painting today it said "A true love story never ends" I held back a tear. Continue, grow, regain your strength then you will find the courage to move forwards. Remember Saskia, I AM strong enough to be my own hero!
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