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Published: August 8th 2007
In February I turned 40, I also became officially homeless, consciously saying good bye to owning anything at all as I sold everything. This feels terrifying, foreign and beyond the weirdest craziest thing I have ever done. I wish to exceed all known comfort zones; I need to clear all decks. However it also feels deeply cleansing, satisfying and mightily warrior brave, I personally do not know anyone who has done this. During my 39th year my life I hit a clear and definite cross roads, I have been holding onto a lot of past pain, as I mature certain ways of being are simply not working any more, I have been dragging all this unnecessary stuff around with me like a family sized suitcase stuffed full of wet winter laundry for too long now, I am currently not happy.
I instinctively feel that I need to search for something else, something I have not felt before, you know the stuff you see in the movies, drop coins in wishing wells for, break fortune cookies to find, believing tabloid horoscopes, looking up to stars and praying for. I want to be able to feel it, whatever it is? I am
done dreaming about it, I wish to just do it. I have already tried most things to find this true deep inner happiness, I believe it exists, it has to this world isn’t that bad.
It has become apparent that the love had to start from within my own self first, only then can I branch out and reach others later. I start this journey understanding that all the things I seem to be running away from are going to be following me where ever I go. However I want to be able to go beyond all previous boundaries, to explore myself via the whole wide world, I believe in my heart that somewhere out there are special people who can help redirect me in reclaiming my life path.
So the journey starts, with a keen boyfriend named Stu, a backpack, a 12 inch laptop with funky new inbuilt WiFi. I have bought a one way ticket to Mexico which is a good as any place to start, I have signed up to something called a travel blog so I can document my journey. I am ready to revive my dwindling creativity and leave everything and everyone I
Basilica of the Virgin Guadalupe
The beginning of alot of religious
I-consious-ary stuff within this side of the world.
know behind, to go in search of who I really am before I continue to pretend to be someone else.
I am one of those cliché as my life really is beginning again aged 40. I need to embrace new challenges then accept the changes these challenges will bring me. To start at the very beginning except it is somewhere in the middle of my life, it is the best I can do for now. I'm terrified, so here goes.
What is to come will be about my inner journey as it collides with our outer worlds. My mind is now open to anything. Bring it on.
Mexico City upon first glance seems very interesting, stuffed full of culture, history and amazing architecture. There is so much colourful and interesting art, friendly people and cuisine, although I have not been able to sample any of it as my stomach has been churning like cake batter in a Kenwood mixer.
Most of my time in Mexico City was unfortunately spent proverbially shitting through the heart of an intravenous needle; enduring D&V here has not been pleasant. I must be starting the process of letting it all go. Much to my disappointment I have not been able to stomach much of the cuisine. Being confined to a room without a sound proofed
loo, no windows or ventilation, Stu and I got so bored one day and just about dragged ourselves away, we went to visit some ancient pyramids named Teotihuacán. TEOTIHUACAN
These impressive pyramids are centuries old, first appearing from year 100 BCE which created the site of Theoretician 40km north of the city, this was at one time the largest city within the pre-Columbian Americas, it is said to have had a population of 200,000 it is mythed that mainly live Gods and not human people once lived there, if there were any humans living here they were soon sacrificed, many decapitated or had their hearts ripped out, similar to scenes from Mel Gibson’s Apocalypto which was about the Mayans not Aztec’s but similar gruesome acts of evil. The main focus is a couple of stepped pyramids, one for the sun, one for the moon astronomically aligned in keeping up with the equinox’s these pyramids used to be clad in stone and painted brightly, the pyramids are connected with 13 other smaller temple structures and the avenue of the dead which linked them.
I know I should be more interested but I have been consistently feeling nauseous. Stu felt
fit so he flew up the 265 steps like some Olympic torch holder minus the cheering crowds, loin cloth and sun hat, he didn’t quite make it to the top as the actual summit was out of bounds due to 21st century builders working on a new looking 16th century platform as they prepare for the next summer solstice festival or extra terrestrial visitation as it kind of fit the scene. The next day he got heat stroke and had a high temperature which meant we were both were in bathroom rotation. BASILICA OF THE VIRGIN GUADALUPE
We popped in to six churches, all of which were situated within the same impressive square. One was the Basilica of the Virgin Guadalupe, a kitsch '60's looking space craft, I personally wanted to fall beneath the virgin’s feet due to full on dehydration and ask for extra special healing and a bag of saline. Instead I was pulled sideways on the generation game style conveyor belt that carried hundreds of other foreign nationals, all clicking away with an assortment of camera's and camera phones.
Days here have been dreadful, suffering more sickness, I feel like I must be ridding
myself psychosomatically of my old personal crap. After a few days we had to get out the hotel and Mexico City as the air and noise pollution drove us both crazy. I cannot cope with the head clamping car noises and the constant cop whistles. I hate noise at the best of times even though I am technically a Londoner, but not anymore, I feel today that some things must change. I could not eat anything, my tummy longed for fresh fruit, simple chicken, pure water and glorious sea side relaxation beckoned.
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