The Carlsburg Brewery, Amsterdam and the Creepy Columbian Dude


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June 2nd 2007
Published: June 2nd 2007
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AUTHOR'S NOTE: Sorry for the delay, everyone, but I'm back to life and reality now, and I've been in some strange mix of busy and lazy. Oh well, better late than never, right? I hope you all enjoy it!


Hello guys & dolls, how are all of you? Man, a lot has happened since my last entry! I went to Stockholm and Kalmar during my time in Sweden (with a brief stop in Malmo), then back to Copenhagen for a day, and then to Amsterdam, and from there, home. So that's it. I'm done. Finito. Finished.

Oh well, I can't complain. I had a great time, and I got to go to Europe again, which really wasn't in the plan. Plus, I finished this trip with a story, and in my book there's nothing better than that!

What's this? A story, you ask? Would you like to hear it? Well... alright. I must warn you though, it's fairly long-winded.

This story takes place upon my return to Copenhagen. I had to come back there to catch my connecting flight to Amsterdam, but I made sure to come a day early since Henry Rollins was going to be there doing spoken word.

The show was great (as usual), with Henry bouncing from topic to topic before finally connecting A to B. Classic Henry! What really struck a cord with me was his traveling experiences in Iran and Isreal. He wasn't talking so much about the sites, but rather, the local people he interacted with. When you've been traveling 7 months like I have, you tend to start taking a workman-like approach to things. Go to hostel, go to site, take photo, move on. Sure, you talk to the locals and learn stuff about their country, but it doesn't stand out like it used to. However, it's these kind of interactions that make traveling such an awesome, eye-opening thing to do! It reminded me of all the cool shit I did with some locals and really made me glad to still be traveling, if only for a little longer. So Henry, thank you for getting my head in the right place!

With Rollins' show over, I still had most of tomorrow to kill before hitting the airport, so I decided to visit the Carlsburg Brewery. I had met a cool american guy at the hostel, Neil, who also wanted to go there, so we decided to go together. When it comes to brewery tours, the more the merrier!

So Neil and I got up early the next day and headed off to the Carlsburg Brewery. Let me tell you, what an impressive building! It's easily the biggest brewery I've ever seen, and the exterior is something else! One spot has stone elephants holding up a support. They remind me of the Elephant Terrace in Angkor Thom (in Cambodia).

Anyway, it's a self-guided tour that takes about an hour, and it includes two free beers in the price of admission. Well Neil and I were kinda thirsty, so we ripped through the tour and made it to the bar at about 11:00am. Miller time!!! Hey, c'mon, it's 5:00 somewhere!

Now remember when I said we were only supposed to get two beers apiece? Well Neil and I, being the charming and charismatic people we are (hey, who's telling the story, you or me? That's right, ME! Deal with it!), managed to talk up the barkeep, and as a result, he kept feeding us beer. I think it's safe to say I tried every damn beer Carlsburg makes... twice! All I know is when I looked at my watch again, the time was 2:00pm! Three hours of drinking make Tom a very drunk boy! And Neil too, for that matter!

OK, it's 2:00, and my flight leaves at 5:30. This could be problematic. We have to walk from the brewery to the subway station, which is a bit of a hike, plus we have to wait for the train to get us to the Central Station, then wait for another to get to the stop nearest the hostel. It's about a 10 minute walk from that stop to the hostel, where I have to go to pick up my bag, and then another 10 minutes back. Thankfully, that particular stop goes directly to the airport. But even still, I'm looking at about 2 hours time from the brewery to the airport, and I still have to check in from there. And on top of this, I'm drunk. Really drunk. Oh boy, this is gonna be a close one...

Believe it or not, I somehow made it. It did take about two hours to get from the brewery to the hostel to the airport, but I got there. I thought the check-in line would do me in, but I was flying via a no-name airline, so the line was short. Talk about luck! Mission accomplished, next stop Amsterdam! I rule!

So I arrived in Amsterdam at about 6:30, but by the time I got my bag, jumped on a train to Centraal Station, and found my hostel, it was about 8:30. By now the beer was wearing off and the hangover was kicking in. Funny, I've never had an early-evening hangover before! Those are probably the best ones!

It was at the hostel where I met this Columbian guy. He seemed nice enough at first, but I should have noticed his Starry Eyes. By Starry Eyes I mean the look someone gives you when they're really into you, like a child with a school-girl crush. Their eyes show love, lust, and wanting. In some situations this can be a great thing, but in this situation... ewww. But like I said, I didn't really notice, at least not until it was too late. Damn my stupid hangover!

Anyway, I took off by myself to check out all the crazy shit that goes on in Amsterdam at night. While I was walking around on the streets, I bumped into him again, and yes, he was still looking at me with those Starry Eyes. He seemed like a nice enough guy, and since I wanted to get another beer to dullen my hangover (a sad but effective treatment), I suggested we get a drink. He however, wanted to smoke a joint, so we went to a pot-cafe instead.

Now I kinda figured out he was gay on our walk there, because when I asked him what he thought of dutch girls, he was kinda quiet. So he's not into girls. That's cool. Whatever floats your boat, I always say. I just didn't figure out he was into ME!

So we get to the cafe, where he lights up this big fattie, while I sit there with my orange juice (they don't serve booze at cafes! Who knew?). He's pretty stoned now, and he starts asking me all these questions about ladyboys in Thailand (during our walk to the cafe, I had mentioned I'd gone to Thailand and seen a ladyboy show - this was a mistake!). But not regular questions such as, "what was that like?" Questions like, "did you fool around with one?" "Were you attracted to them?" Shit like that, all while looking at me with those Starry Eyes.

OK, this is a little awkward, to say the least. That's when I finally noticed his Starry Eyes, and also his build. He's a very petite guy, very lean. Almost like a... oh god. Almost like a ladyboy!

Now he's pressuring me to smoke up with him, and sit ever closer. To be more specific, he's slumped in the booth, offering me a couple of pillows, and trying to get me to move reeeeeeeaaaaaaally close to him. Aw crap! I wanted to end my trip with a bang, but this isn't exactly what I had in mind. Time to leave, right fuckin' now!

Hmm, how to end this? Well, being my most gentlemanly self, I got up, said, "I have to go, I have an early flight to catch and I need some sleep. Nice to meet you." With that, I extended my hand. He tried to get me to stay a little longer (fuck that!), then took my hand. He then looked at me one final time with those Starry Eyes, and let my go of my hand like parting lovers would: slowly, almost caressing my hands and fingers. SHUDDER! I booked it back to the hostel ASAP and spent the next couple of hours taking a hot shower, huddled in the fetal position and furiously scrubbing my body with soap, all while muttering, "so cold, sooo coooooooooold..."

Anyway, that's about all I got for you. Any last thoughts on traveling? Well, I think I covered that previously, so if any of you are interested in mine, just check out Honey, I'm Home! ...D'oh!.

Adios Amigos! Until next time!




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17th July 2007

Thank You
Once again Thank You for sharing your amazing adventure with us. I hope your "real" life is fulfilling on all levels, especially the "starry eyed" GIRL way (imaginary or not). Take care of your hot self, and Thanks again!
17th July 2007

You and your boys.
You do attract the boys, no wonder your mom worries. :D Too bad the travels are over...for now. :D ps. you should find a way to print out all of these logs and put them in with your pictures. :D
27th July 2007

I was smoking harmless tobacco
Tom thanks for the warning of getting drunk and wandering around a foreign country. They should come in handy during my long week-end in Korea

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