Use at own risk

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Firstly, I’ll start off by saying I forgot to add some very important information from my last post and to some, it will answer an age old question. What does it feel like to use those things that wash your bum? Let me set the scene.....
As I mentioned in my previous post, I went out last Thursday for our usual Thursday frolic. Here you are treated to a deal where you pay 100 AED for as many bottles of beer as you want between 7pm and 9pm, so naturally I was wasted and left at about 10 with no memory of how I got home. However what I do remember is when I got back to my apartment I used the toilet, completely forgetting that I had no toilet roll. Out here next to all the toilets you have a little water sprayer for the obvious, but what I didn’t realise is that the harder you gripped the handle the harder the water comes out. So in my drunken state after staring at this hose for a few minutes, debating in my head whether to use that or the rug, I opted for the hose. I immediately regretted it, after squeezing the hose to full blast, and in the famous words of Forrest Gump I felt like I just got shot in the but-tocks. While I may have a clean arsehole, it now feels like its bleeding from invasion by water. I could still feel it the next day. So there you have it, for anyone wondering what it’s like, I’ve taken the pain for you so don't let it be in vein!

Back to the real reason for today’s post. I’m currently on a week off until Sunday for the Eid celebration, so have spent the last couple of days taking in the sites and relaxing by the pool behind my flat. I must point out that this pool is amazing, not because of its size, but because I lay there on the sun lounger and what did I hear? Nothing, just the birds singing. No annoying kids screaming and splashing, or families arguing, just pure bliss. On Monday I went to the Jumeirah Beach Resort and saw the Burj Al Arab hotel (the 7* that looks like a sail) and had some lunch at a place looking over the beach. After that I went shopping in the Mall of the Emirates, and saw some of the cars parked in the valet area. Rolls Royce were definitely the most frequent and they were huge, saw a couple of Audi R8s, a Ferrari and a Bugatti. That reminds me, on entering the mall we saw the hectic battles going on for a parking space and even a crash. What you don’t realise is that two floors up the multi storey its completely empty, but they are so lazy to drive up there, they battle it out below. Then today I went to the Madinat Jumeirah, where there a loads of little stores selling Arabic trinkets etc (but have been informed that they sell it all at tourist prices so buy from somewhere else) and had some lunch by the large lagoon relaxing in the sun. Unfortunately I was an idiot and forgot my camera so i have failed you all on the photo front today; however ill make it up to you guys.

Anyway, nothing else to report so I’ll leave you again with the fact(s) of the day, which I will make a regular thing. The less numbers on your number plate out here, means the richer you are as there are no personalised plates, and there are so many numbers starting from one upwards that are reserved for the royals.

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