Done Up the Rear

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What happens when an unstoppable force hits an unmovable object? I don't know. Nothing probably. But I can tell you exactly what happens when a Nissan Sunny hits a Toyota Land Cruiser as that is exactly what happened this morning on Al Fallah Street.

After countless near misses over the past couple of years, someone made contact and stuffed his car into the back of mine. It was an exremely low speed accident , I couldn''t have been doing much more than ten miles per hour, and hadn't even come to a standstill when I felt the slight nudge and heard the surprisingly loud bang of the collision. I jumped out and ran to the stricken car to check if anyone was injured, even though it was a minor shunt, if someone was holding a baby on their lap in the front seat, as is common practice here, it could be bad, but while there were two girls in the back of the car unrestrained, nobody was hurt.

I called the police and got permission to move the cars to a safe place, as you need to, I was worried that the bloke who'd hit me would get hit as there was already furious beeping and swerving going on, as is the case here.

A few minutes later the police called me back to find out where we were so they could send someone to asses the situation and make a report. You need to inform the police for even the most minor of accidednts, you can't make an insurance claim without an official referal note. The prang had happened roght in front of Th Naval Base main gate, or "Navy Gate"as it is known, in fact the blck near to the base is known as "Navy Gate Area". The conversation went like this:


Policeman: Where accident happen? Where you car?

Alan: In front of Navy Gate.

P: Najda Street?

A: No, the Navy Gate, main entrance.

P: Nadeer Street?

A: No, the NAVY GATE. NAVY.

P: Muroor?

A: No, NAVY, Warships, er, you know Army? Airforce, Navy? Like the army but with boats.

P: Ahhhhh! Army base! Which army base?

A: No, NAVY. Like the Village People - "In the Navy, you can sail the seven seas!"

P: Ahhh! Navy Gate! very good, we send patrol.

I wouldn't say I was shaken, there was hardly any damage to my car, although the spare wheel cover had a small hole in it and my exhaust pipe end was crimped over on the end a bit, but I was annoyed by the bloke who had hit me, and especially as he had his two daughters in the back, neither of whom had been wearing their seatbelts, so I admonished him for that. He instantly replied that he told them not to wear seatbelts in case the car ever caught fire and they needed to get out quick. he also kept asking me if his car was OK.

You don't have to be an expert to tell that if your bonnet is bent up, exposing the engine, the bumper is half off and there is water, oil and steam pissing out of the front of your car, it is probably not OK. I felt bad breaking the news to him that it was probably not OK. I tried to make him feel better by pointing out the very small hole in my vynil wheel cover, and the slight lip ben in my exhaust, but he seemed to gain little comfort in it, the selfish prick.

We both made a few phone calls and were waiting for the copper to turn up, when he came over to talk to me.

"I have been speaking to my friends" he said, "I know now that this accident has been a gift from God, he has sent you to let me know that we should all wear our seatbelts."

I asked him why God would put seatbelts there in the first place if he didn't want people to wear them, but he just smiled, shook his head, and told me that God moves in mysterious ways.

Obviously even more mysterious than his driving.


If you really are bored you can check out the official crash report here:

http://213.42.28.214:4000/accreport.aspx?ACC_ID=00371105180719

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