Closing thoughts

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I came to Syria at a time of uncertainty, a time when most people and analysts around the world were unsure of what was happening. There was a moment in late May where I had to decide for myself whether I should continue with my plans to visit Syria. I could have taken a job on campus, lived with friends, and had an easy summer. There is no doubt that I would have loved to have done that! But there was something unsettling about the whole idea- it felt like I was turning away from what was important to me in exchange for the assurance of security. And I thought, since when had anything I had ever done went without risk? 2012 is an election year, and I want to be in Chicago for it. This was the only summer I could think in which I would have this kind of opportunity to rediscover my roots, learn some Arabic, and spend time with family. And honestly, I really wanted good food. So I took a deep breath, closed my eyes (the way I always do before big decisions) and emailed my mother of my plans. My parents are wonderful people who know that once I make a decision, I am set to carry through with it. After one phone conversation, the matter was settled, and most of my friends didn’t know of my plans until the night before I left.

I have been in Syria for over ten weeks- the longest time I have spent outside the United States since I lived here thirteen years ago. I have experienced masiras (“Syria is awesome” rallies, see blog entry 2), bumpy trips to the village, kiss attacks from my grandma’s friends, language school, sun burn, delectable food and food poisoning, field research, Ramadan, Arabic music blasting through our windows, security checks, an awesome hair cut, a few visits to the doctor, European culture, and the most delicious chocolate I have ever tasted. I have been cheated and treated like gold, loved unconditionally and subjected to suspicion, received distressed emails from friends over my safety and asked for personal advice some ten thousand miles away. I have welcomed Congressman Kucinich when he arrived to Syria on a “fact-finding” mission, and saw my American embassy vandalized after the ambassador made an unwise visit to Hama.

I have developed immunity to women’s daily bath in perfume, gotten well acquainted with the pushiness of people at the sook, and can now shove my through a crowd like a ninja. I have watched American movies on Arab TV, and realized how much America exerts its pop culture influence to the rest of the world- a power I think we should not abuse. I ate a lot, and lost a few kilos. I measure everything now by the metric system. I am starting to understand Celsius. My faith in the American political, judicial, and executive system has been revitalized and strengthened. I visited my childhood home, places my brother and I used to hang out, and heard about the glory days of my grandfather when he used to be a general in the army. I use the way I look to my advantage- the only place in the world where I can.

I have had so much fun, lost my temper a few times, and fell asleep doing Arabic homework. I have smiled my way out of sticky situations. I have realized things from back home that I would not have otherwise, and things that used to be so important to me are irrelevant now. I have met so many amazing members of my family, and I am overjoyed to be surrounded by so much love and support. Yasmine, the flower, is everywhere, and it is the beloved symbol of this city- as it should be!

I can scare people away with my American accent, and throwing colloquial phrases around makes me giggle (the hell you lookin’ at??). I am really happy, and I can say with confidence that for the first time in a long time, my heart is in a good place.

I miss Chicago, like I always do when I’m away, and I really want it to rain. I have realized that Chicago is home base, and soon I will adopt it as my home town. I wish my family in California will join me there. I think I am on my way towards becoming an adult, and a woman at that.

Most of all, I have had the opportunity this summer to do what I love most- travel, learn, and write. My brain has stretched and relaxed, my nerves on edge and at ease. This was much more than a visit to Syria, this was a realization that I come from a beautiful place.

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