El Lawrence and his Bedouin Wife.

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Yesterday I spent seven hours on a camel; re-enacting the march of El Lawrence (Peter O'Toole or Ralph Fiennes, I'm not picky :P) across the desert of Wadi Rum in Jordan before taking a lovely Bedouin-ette for my wife (pictures will follow - when I get around to uploading!).

I learnt a few important lessons during the march that I think will prove useful for future El Lawrences:

1) Calling 'For Aqaba' at the top of your lungs while sitting atop a camel can be detrimental to your heath; it should not be attempted, no matter how good it looks on film.

2) Too many El Lawrences can spoil even a desert march - so make sure yours doesn't include more than one adament, arabic-learning, Lawrence lover - and defintely not three. (Note: I am not talking about Ona aka: my Bedouin wife)

3) Making 'camel noises' might make you look like an idiot - but it's incredibly amusing and worth it in the long run. (Especially when your guide sets you free to roam independantly with your camel and 'For Aqaba' to your hearts content - or until you lose your dagger from your belt because you're talking too much.)

4) Properly zipping up your bag can make the difference between having a nice, new, fancy video camera and having a camel-squished, sand-filled, video camera.

5) Having a nice, new, fancy video camera instead of a camel-squished, sand-filled, video camera could make the relationship between you and your new Bedouin wife run a lot smoother...

6) Watch out for male Bedouin's trying to steal you away from your new wife with moonlit lute serenades and promises of special Bedouin hand massages. (Even if said male Bedouins are pretty fit)

At the end of the day, though, I would say that my trip through Wadi Rum rates as one of the best experiences of my travelling life. The landscape is breath-taking, the camels are hysterical (and even adorable in their gawkish way) and the guides - on top of being friendly and amusing - are the best dressed (and looking) men I've seen in months. No - really - they sleep for days in the desert and yet still wake you with breakfast in perfectly pressed, sand-free, well-fitting pin-striped (very goth) robes! I would love to live with them for longer... if only to figure out just how they manage it!

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