Stewart: Angst, Redux and Redoubled

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11 AM

I am a worrier. At home I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night and start mulling over things—work or finances usually—and can’t get back to sleep. I thought it would be different here. A few bumps getting settled and then we’re essentially on a year-long vacation, right? What’s to worry about?

Early on, Betsy and I decided that we were going to homeschool Zach. Why not public school? Well, naturally, there was the language problem: Zach doesn’t know Hebrew. But more important, we had heard horror stories about the Israeli public school system. Expatriates reported that discipline is lax and the culture is extremely violent. Students are disrespectful and won’t listen to teachers. Bullying is common and tolerated—both of students and teachers! Students even assault teachers in the classroom. (We’d heard of an incident in which a student had thrown a chair at a teacher.) Finally, students bring knives to school. In short, not the supportive, nurturing environment we envisioned for our child.

Today is Zach’s first day in public school. What changed?

Two things, really. First, it’s quite a challenge for a parent to assume the role of a teacher. There is a whole set of dynamics in the parent-child relationship that interferes when the parent tries to be the teacher. At least, that’s our experience. With us, Zach felt free to complain and delay endlessly. It was an extremely frustrating experience for all of us, as you can see in Zach’s earlier blog entry. But the main problem is that homeschooling has left Zach isolated. He needs peers. We could already see that after a week or so here. He has been spending far too much time playing video games and has recently articulated a desire to meet and play with other kids.

Amots Dafni, Betsy’s host at Haifa University, anticipated this. In the months leading up to our departure, he repeatedly asked us if we had registered Zach for school yet. Each time, Betsy explained that we planned to homeschool Zach. When we got here, he asked us again. Doesn’t he get it, we wondered? When we finally talked, Amots expressed the opinion that it creates much tension when parents and kids to spend too much time together, that kids need friends their own age to be happy, and that unless Zach is happy, we won’t be happy. Based on our recent experience, we were inclined to agree with him, but were concerned that his solution—enrolling Zach in public school—might be worse than the problem. Amots was undeterred. Certain he was right, he made phone calls to the Ministry of Education, contacted the local primary school, and arranged for us to meet with the headmaster. (Zach is in 6th grade, the highest grade in primary school.) I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn’t go back to sleep. Maybe it was a mistake to come here.

(Amots’ behavior here is typical of Israelis. Very opinionated. They know what’s best for you and aren’t shy about expressing it. This extends to telling you how you should raise your children. Of course, it’s always possible they’re right. In this case, we’re hoping Amots is.)

So we walked Zach to school this morning. We met the headmaster and two of Zach’s teachers. All three were extremely welcoming and supportive, and they do not seem to see Zach as a burden. We’re encouraged and actually guardedly optimistic. In less than two hours, I’ll leave to pick him up. I have my fingers crossed. (As a special reward for completing his first day, Zach gets a treat from the ice cream truck that parks outside the school at the end of the day. Also, we bought him a can of baby corn, his favorite, at the supermarket yesterday. He gets that with dinner.)

Otherwise, this is my first day as a house husband. Betsy’s at the university working and Zach’s in school. It’s my job to make an interesting dinner—shakshuka, an Israeli speciality.


3:30 PM

We were waiting outside school when Zach came out. Lots of his classmates passed by, each one saying bye to him. He opted to take the bus along with his friends rather than walking home with us. (We assented, of course.) I guess it was a good day.

So the socialization is going fine. We’re not out of the woods yet, though. Hebrew is still a problem (no surprise). We bumped into Zach’s homeroom teacher, and she mentioned that she is looking for an after-school Hebrew tutor for him, which should take care of the academic side of things. I hope we can get that started soon.

Frankly, I’m surprised at how much people are going out of their way to make Zach feel welcome and to support his success here. They don’t have to make the effort. After all, he’s not a traditional student, and we’re only staying a year. I have to say I’m really impressed with the Israeli education establishment. (Here, I can only reflect on my own experience with non-native English speakers in my classroom, and how I’ve come up short in comparison.) We’ve stressed to Zach the importance of working hard in all his subjects as a way of honoring the effort people are putting forth. In this area, at least, we can help: we have plenty of experience nagging Zach to finish his homework.

I’m relieved. Maybe—just maybe—it will be a good year.

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