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My sidekick
This book is awesome...it amuses me and amazes me at the same time. Dictionaries are a wonderful thing. If anything, when you're highly bored or slightly out of your mind from the pain in your mouth....you take a look and see what's really in that magical book.
A quick glance in the "B" section gives me "biological warfare" (לחמה ביולוגית) or "to build air raid shelters" (למקלת) which in reality that last ת should be a ת sofit, but I can't figure out how to do that on my keyboard at the moment.
Then comes the distinction of "to get someone pregnant" which is
not equal to "to make pregnant" however it all looks the same in Hebrew; להכניס להיריון. Which come to think of it....who the hell says "I come to make you pregnant now." It sounds like some creepy command that a guy makes and the girl should run very, very fast from.
Much to my amusement but probably not to the English speaking guys with a knack for sarcastic humor is the fact that penis is called a "pin" here. Hah. How's that for making a guy feel...well....small? פין!!
Then comes that famous stand on the corner job of prostitution. Here a prostitute is called זונה
(zona) but then comes the curious verb "to prostitute" which is לזנות. How do you get a verb out of that? I thought prostitute is just a catch-all phrase. When you are a prostitute you have sex for money...I would think a verb "to have sex for money" would make more sense and have the answer be "זונה". But nope...instead you "to prostitute". Weird.
Which speaking of weird...actually reading the hebrew words that are actually ENGLISH is the most frusturating thing I have to do on a daily basis. When reading my little "see spot run. run spot run" stories in ulpan, I come across"סנדוויץי" I look at it in confusion, even saying it out loud and sounding like a moron. So finally I give up and ask "מה זה 'סנדוויץי? ' " (What is .........?) and my teacher (מוראה) just stares at me and says "sandwich".
Duh. Oy.
Ok...onto another subject. My pain. Literally and figuratively.
See I have this problem called wisdom teeth. Not everyone has this joyous problem and if they do, they have had their solution usually when they're still in high school. Not I, said the blind man.
This better not be me...
Now before you freak out: THIS IS NOT ME.
And I better not look like this on Wednesday. I'll be pissed.
I have been struggling with my teeth since I can remember. When I was younger I was the epitome of the cute little blonde girl (what the hell happened??). I had straight, bright blonde hair, was skinny as a rail, wore pigtails, had blue-green eyes and straight teeth in a beautiful smile and laughter the sound of a tricycle bell. (Or so I'm told)
Anyways, somewhere around 12 or 13, I quit gymnastics and grew fat. Or ok...fatt-er than I was. I can narrow it down to almost the day after I quit gymnastics, my fat genetics came out and I plumped up like I was apparently supposed to all along and gymnastics had suppressed. I had always had my breasts - taping them with duct tape for matches and then ripping it off later was
horrible. But...I was always skinny and then I stopped training for 10 hours a day and all of a sudden I had a cushy butt and birthing hips. Yay.
Moving on....my teeth started to shift. I guess when the rest of my body was growing, my mouth was not. As the orthodontist told us, there was not enough room in my
Oh man....
What I'm greeted with every single time I check my emails.
Oh JDate...you have competition my dear. mouth for the amount of teeth I had and that's why I looked like I had a triangle for my 2 front teeth and a slight overbite. So I did the dutiful and painful jaw bridge thingy where they cement it to your teeth and it goes across the roof of your mouth and every night you use this needle looking key to crank it and it slowly (some type of medieval torture idea) would spread apart your top set of teeth. Well....I went through this and still my teeth were crooked.
Then they suggested the worst hated thing for teenagers: braces. Now I would have done it, truly I would have, but then he said that I would have to wear them until most likely graduation from COLLEGE. At that moment, the big red radar in my head went off and my brain shut down the idea. Immediately. I said "they give me character" and we walked out. My grandparents have not let me live that down to this day....nor the fact that I broke up with my Jewish boyfriend in the 9th grade, but c'est la vie.
So...here I am with too many teeth in my mouth and I continue in my happy life. I had 1 tooth pulled because it was quite painful and not needed and then my teeth starting shifting more straight again. I would happily keep getting rid of the 2nd molars if it made my teeth straight. No one sees those anyways....but I only got 1 pulled.
Then...all of a sudden my wisdom teeth decided to start popping up. And pop up they did.
I’m talking swollen gums, teeth pinching my cheek, blech. All painful stuff, so I decided to go and get them removed.
However, the oral surgeon in Pennsylvania was a total jerk and said he refused to take out the teeth because I had an ear infection at the time which : correct me if I’m wrong, was caused by the teeth problem. All of that is interconnected, anyone who takes Anatomy and Physiology knows this and respects it. Not this doctor, so a lot of yelling later, I still had the teeth in.
Now….I’m getting them out on Wednesday…meanwhile I have no idea where the clinic is, and my roommate is coming with me, in case they knock me out, so that way I don’t end up in Eilat rather than Ra’anana. Should be fun…I’ll let you know how it goes.
Oh and consequently while I’m getting my thoughts out here….
Now I know that I’m using the internet in the Middle East and it recognizes my IP address as such…but
come on!!
Let me repeat this: I am an American Citizen, therefore I do NOT need an American Visa nor do I want to enter into the Green Card Lottery.
Yes my friends, I am already a full citizen born and raised in that magical country (I use the word “magical” sarcastically) of the USA. Knock it off. Really. It’s just annoying where every page I go to advertises it.
Oh….and damn you yahoo mail for constantly bringing up “Muslim Matrimonials.com” I’m not Muslim, nor am I feeling matrimonially, so just stop.
And since when does Yahoo advertise for Muslim matrimonial in Israel?? This is a Jewish state!! What about JDate.com?? Religious preference Yahoo? You disappoint me….
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