My First Doctor Visit in Foreign Country

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I put off my "women's health" appointment for as long as possible, and now...it's time.

Really time. In fact, I'm running late. I printed directions from google, but I think they're wrong. There's no way a doctor's office is in this residential area. Luckily, I saved the phone number in my cell phone.

No answer. They never answer! When I was trying to schedule the appointment, I think I let it ring for like fifteen minutes before the connection was finally severed. Then I had to re-dial and repeat the process about three times before finally speaking to another human being.

And now, I'm walking in the rain, and they're still not answ--

"Parkhouse," the receptionist answers, sounding bored.

"Hi! I had an appointment at five, but I can't seem to find where you're located."

She gives me directions that are totally different from google's. Figures.

Once inside, I approach the small desk and wait for the receptionist to help me. There are mostly elderly people in here. "Hi," the receptionist says to me.

"Hello, I had an appointment at five, but I got a little lost. Can the doctor still see me?"

"Have you filled out the registration forms yet?"

"No," I say, apologetically.

"Oh dear," she says, looking at her colleague. "She had an appointment at five, but she hasn't even filled out the forms yet."

I recall all those forms that I always have to fill out for doctors. It can take twenty minutes sometimes. "Look, if I have to fill them out now and reschedule my appointment, that's fine," I tell them.

"Well hold on," the lady says. "Let me phone your doctor and see if she can still see you."

After a quick phone call, she tells me that my doctor will see me. "Just go upstairs to the waiting area and fill this out," she says, handing me a small half-sized sheet of paper.

"What's this?" I ask.

"The registration form," the lady informs me.

That's it? I think. I look around as I head upstairs. This building was obviously a house at one point, and the transformation into doctors' offices didn't change much. The narrow hallway winds left and right. I see old bedroom doors now with doctors' names on them. I don't see one for my doctor, and I don't see the waiting room. At the end of the hall is the nursery area with toys strewn about on the floor. Maybe this is the waiting room?

Inside, I sit in a chair and fill out the form in about five minutes. Five minutes later, my doctor comes to get me. We have to walk through the waiting room/nursery area to get to her office. It looks exactly like the doctor's office at home, only smaller. Everything in this country is smaller.

After answering a few quick questions about my medical history and my legal residency in the UK, I'm shown to the table/bed. The doctor draws some curtains so I can change into the paper "dress" for my exam. I lie down on the table and look for the stirrups. There aren't any. "Put your feet together and let your knees fall open," the doctor explains.

She explains what she's going to do before inserting that plastic thing that spreads you apart. One big difference between this place and my doctor at home: lubrication! This lady just sticks in that huge plastic thing without any lub, and it really freakin' hurts! I'm like, "Ow! Ow! That hurts!"

She says, "Yes, it feels like cramps."

"No, it doesn't! It feels like I'm being raped! Ow!"

It's over anyway. Took about ten seconds. She tells me they're going to send the pap to their lab, and the results will be back in four to six weeks. If there are any problems, they'll schedule an appointment for me at the hospital for further examinations or treatment if needed.

And it was done. No breast exam, like my doctor at home did. No reaching inside me to feel my cervix and ovaries. No payment of any kind!

Just stick it in and git 'er done!

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