Retail Therapy

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Retail therapy the Corporate Way

It’s a nice sunny Saturday - believe me it is a blessing in this part of the world - and the husband is in a mood to pamper the wife with some retail therapy. This was most agreeable, to say the least!

So in my new angora poncho (which sheds faster than snake skin) and a battered handbag, oyster cards in hand, the two off us trotted off in the English sunshine (which by noon was playing hide and seek).

Now if you leave home by noon, there is no place you will reach before 1230 (if you are using the tube, which is going through huge engineering works). So by the time we hit the stores, we are both a bit peckish. Whilst I settle for a nice fresh orange juice, the husband settles for a thick concoction called Tropical Surprise - so thick that it sucked his breath in before he could suck it out.

The first 20 minutes and the compulsive shopper in me is unnerved. Where do I go? What is missable? Will I lose out on a good deal if I don’t go there? What is TopShop - is it ‘withit’ place or ‘wannabe’ - isn’t Dorothy Perkins a little outdated? - What in heaven’s name is Jigsaw? What happened to Gap, Guess, Levis? Is Marks & Spencer avoidable? With mall culture still in a very nascent stage back home (India) I am unnerved. Trust me - even the gargantuan Takashimaya in Singapore did not rattle me that much.

To begin with in Singapore, as in Bangkok and Shanghai (I think its an Asian thing), you can browse. Without taking out your credit card. Its okay. In London, it is not. Period. Its not that store managers here are rude or condescending. They just find the whole browsing concept difficult to accept.

For the budget shopper (which most of us are - however much we may want to pretend), in London (the world’s most expensive city) it is absolutely critical to plan your time and strategy. You absolutely cannot afford window shopping and can definitely saunter in and out of stores. To add to the cold, the icy cold stares of the store managers will tell you why I say so. ‘If you are not here to spend, why are you here?’ Additionally, factor in time you will have to spend waiting to get into a changing/ trial room. London is always out shopping.

Consider this. It is 11AM on Friday - a work day. I walk into Oxford Street for a meeting with a colleague. To begin with - everyone is out shopping. Who earns the money anyways? And then - have a meeting in Oxford Street? Whatever for? And then I find myself being seduced by the whiffs from the nearby Body Shop and before you can say ‘exfoliate’ I am £30 poorer. I have been sold glitter lip gloss, brazil nut lip balm, papaya body soap, au natural eye shadow, olive oil spray, vitamin E night cream and as if that wasn’t enough the lady at the counter thrusts a £10 Body Shop card to me which ‘is at a special rate of £5 today.’ I need help - I need support - so say three simple words ‘No, thank you’ but here I am beaming like a moron from a Colgate ad - ‘Sure!’ So I admit - I belong to that part of London that is always out shopping.

And the two minute drop in at another mall that resulted in pink slippers with crystals and beads and chains that I cannot wear in the loo, in the kitchen or with warm socks, making them utterly useless for me. They are too large for me as well but my husband won’t wear them (can’t say I blame him!).



Then the tryst for the perfect handbag. The corporate world looks down upon Vuitton and Burberry. Coach is too American. And Mango too retro. So what do you do? The bags that DKNY retails are shoddy and the Mulberry prices made a healthy 30 year old man palpitate. Now I liked a Chanel but will my will it meet the approval of my discerning colleagues? I don’t know and I don’t want to find out. So the Chanel goes back into its place.

The other struggle has been with shoes. So I buy this pair from Faith and then get to know that ‘ummm… its for party wear - they don’t specialise in office wear’. So who does - ‘Clarks?’ I hazard a guess. ‘Oh no - that’s for grandmas’. ‘Ummm..then?’ ‘Manolo is good.’ ‘Er, who? I am a villager you see’. ‘Manolo Blahnik.’ Now my only knowledge of this Blahnik person is Sarah Jessica Parker from Sex & the City so now I palpitate…and the shoe topic is dropped.

So you see, in London, there are brands and then there are the acceptable brands. To know the difference you need to be a Londoner and to be a Londoner you should have lived in London for atleast five years. The struggle continues….

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Comments

[anonymous]

Retail Therapy
Funny piece - I especially liked the part about The Body Shop. My fav Body shop product is the Hemp chapstick. For handbags, I recommend Fendi or even Dior. Now for the criticism part. I wasn't sure what you were writing about in the begining. Sure, its your shopping experience in London (or lack therof). But where did you go? Which shopping district is more intimidating to the compulsive shopper than Takashimaya? Why did we cut from 12:30 pm on Saturday to 11:00 am on Friday in Oxford street. How does the Saturday evening end. Did the husband end up buying you anything? - Critic