That KnobJockey ate my Yorkshire Pudding!

---

Here we are, smack in the middle of the most traffic I have ever seen. Don’t EVER attempt to drive in London; we have spent more time sitting in our car in traffic jams than actually going anywhere. Just look at a street map of London, it is ridiculous.
So, we have been here for 15 days already, and this is the first chance I have to write. Where do I begin??!
I will start with a note about air travel. Traveling for business is like one big game of poker. What really matters is how many flyer miles one has. Passengers cannot just request an upgrade just because they don't want the middle seat. Here is the kicker. Passengers cannot BUY miles to upgrade their status either. So, as I have learned over the past few months, business people will take their free weekends to fly round trip flights to acquire more miles. That’s right. They will get on a plane on their day off, just to gather all the miles to bump them up to gold member status. What a piece of bull! What happened to the good 'ol days when we could carry on our own liquor? I am fine in the middle seat if I can get a buzz on at 30,000 feet. Also, Airports must run at alien warp speeds, because everyone is always in a hurry. Kids are always screaming with their sticky mouths, old people are shitting themselves on those annoying shuttles (no really, this happened to me, and is smelled like burnt popcorn) and I am usually trying to find a bar. What really pays off is if a traveler can get into those airport lounges. All those distractions disappear; there is free food and drinks! And plush couches, massage chairs, etc. Just a big living room for people that want to relax without getting puked/shitted on. If you are really lucky, maybe you can eavesdrop on a business man telling his son that selling large weapons to Saudi Arabia really isn't all that bad, and hey, it put those skater shoes on his feet (again, really happened.) maybe that business man's wife has some extra valium on her.

I kind of used to like flying, but now it is a big pain. There are all these rules to follow, and I feel weird that I know how to get through airport security without anyone frisking me. If anyone that has never flown before would fly internationally today, I think they might have a heart attack and fall over from exhaustion with all the hassles. Getting through customs is nerve racking enough. One piece of advice for dealing with international customs agents: keep your damn mouth shut! Getting back into the states is easier than getting a parking ticket in London (80 bucks). The American customs agents are like" oh you went to KU? Nice basketball team. Have a good one." and volia! You’re in.

Don’t get me started about lost luggage.

After 9 hours in a plane, it is hard to get your feet on the ground and not go straight to bed. This is the only cure that works against jet-lag for me. Hit the ground running and do not go to bed until you should on their time.
Fortunately, we have had the opportunity to stay in various parts of London. East London is ghetto fabulous, with a nice Portuguese population. The west near Heathrow has the Indian/Pakistani population, and incredible food for thought.
The south country is great, has Stonehenge, and rolling hills with lots of sheep. The north has traffic, traffic and more traffic, but some nice architecture.
I am proud to say that we have not gotten robbed thus far. (Knock on wood). This involves taking EVERYTHING out of the car when parked, and leaving the glove box closed to show that we aren't hiding any electronics. Thieves look for those suction cup marks from the GPS on the window, and assume the GPS is somewhere hidden in the car. HA!

---