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Published: April 11th 2008
What the fuck am I doing here? The farther east I go, the worse it gets, and Ukraine just feels like hostile territory, not like a country that is used to tourists, and especially that is receptive and friendly to tourists. You get lost in Kyiv and need to ask somebody for the way? Nobody will even bother to stop if you address them in English, it's a language that is definitely not spoken and accepted here. You wanna visit the country's major tourist attractions? Sure, if you don't mind that everything is exclusively in Cyrillic, except signs that say 'No Smoking' and 'No Taking of Photos'. You wanna eat something vegetarian? Try the pork lard with garlic, contains no meat, just fat.
Apart from all this shit, my host here is a fat fucking Ukrainian stupid bitch, who doesn't help me at all with anything here. Oh, wanna take the train to Minsk? Why don't you just figure it out yourself! I have to leave at 7am, it's not my problem that your train leaves at 6pm, so take your fucking backpack and wander around for 11 hours.
Of course I shouldn't expect any European amenities. Yesterday I spent a total of two hours struggling with the door, first I couldn't get out, later I couldn't get in. Just keep trying, it always works. I almost broke my fingers trying to unlock the door.
The word 'service' is unknown here, as is the concept that stands behind it. Well, that's normal for former Soviet countries, I was told. Alright, fuck off then. It's great to wait for hours until the waitress finally decides to notice you, but don't expect her to be friendly, or to speak English. And it's ok to wait for 20 minutes for your change, just keep asking, it'll arrive some time.
And to make the cultural exchange complete, just ride on the metro, it's great! They won't stop staring at you, you'll end up wondering if you're in a zoo, and whether you're the one in the cage or outside of it.
Why did I even bother to come here? Is there anything to see? Oh great, lots of churches with golden onion domes, yay! And the famous caves monastery, where Orthodox fuckwits kiss the glass coffins of mummified monks. Really interesting, until they discover you, then you'll be the newest exhibit in the Ukrainian open air-freak museum.
I just wish I was traveling in a civilized country, and not in this human cesspool, where smoking and spitting are the national sports. But I bet Belarus will be a lot better. At least they still have a strong leader, which keeps them in line, crushes the opposition, and knows how to make efficient use of the few tourist dollars.
Somebody give me a razor, please. And remember, kids, down the road, not across the street.
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city dactylic
jens
Kiew Klingt Kacke
Jetzt is mir auch endlich klar, warum alle mir bekannten Ukrainer so verwirrt bis ver-/gestört wirken... Scheint entgegen meiner ersten Vermutung nicht an - wie von einem freimütig berichtet wurde - den anscheinend sehr gebräuchlichen Mineralwasser-Einläufen in dubiosen Ex-CCCP-Sanatorien zu liegen (emotionsloser Kommentar beim Abendessen: "Wenn man danach in die Wanne kuckt, sieht man erst einmal was da alles drin ist..."), sondern daran dass sie "Fremdes" offensichtlich gleichermaßen faszinierend wie entsetzlich finden... Gaffer. :) Bist in dem Falle eben Du, aber Kopf hoch, der nächste Landstrich Zivilisation wird hoffentlich bald auftauchen und man Dir wieder mit etwas weniger (oder auch direkterer) Kontaktscheu entgegnen.