Advertisement
Published: August 6th 2007
Edit Blog Post
As it turned out, we never made it to Switzerland on the day we planned. A baggage handler's strike left us stranded in Santorini (I can hear you all sighing with pity). I added a postscript to the last blog entry if you are wondering how on earth we managed to console ourselves with the devastating news. Anyway, two days later we found ourselves in Interlaken, the alpine playground of the Swiss. From there, we took an overnight train to Venice, then another overnight train to Nice, France, then a few trains along the cote d'zure and into Avignon, a bus to Arle then drove like a bat out of hell to Belves in the Dordogne where we collapsed at the house of our friend Nellie. Whhoooo. Finally we have both access to the internet and time to catch up. So much has happened that we are unable to do it justice in one blog. I'll have to post a few blogs in succession in order to cover each leg of such competely different destinations. Hope you don't mind. First of all, Interlaken Switzerland where we spent two extremely intense days.
Words cannot begin to describe the beauty of the
Jungfrau region. Richard summed it up well for me when he said "I feel like I'm on the Truman show." Remember the Peter Weir film about a guy named Truman? He was adopted by a meglomaniac Hollywood director and placed in a giant movie set (the suburb of Seahaven) where every aspect of his entire world was perfectly orchestrated and stage-managed. That's exactly how we felt as we strolled through some of the most incredible scenery imaginable. Switzerland would make the perfect set for the sequel. It was so eerily perfect we could almost hear the voices of the backstage crew...
"Evans, have you organised the snow this morning?"
"Yes sir. I've got a fine caster sugar sprinkle on the lower regions and it gets progressively deeper and whiter as they rise. Its almost arctic at the top now."
"Good. Just the effect I'm after. I always say that the secret to really mind-blowing landscapes is to give the tourists just a taste of what they are hoping for when they arrive. Then build it slowly, minute by minute, till you reach a climax with a mass display. How are the cows coming along?"
"Oh they're fine. They've just
been washed and bleached. I'm using a new cow conditioner now and they're coming up very soft to the touch. The bells are tinkling well too, but I'm a bit worried I've overdone it a little. It seems a tad cliched."
"Trust me Evans, you can never have too many cow-bells in Switzerland. Never overestimate the audience. They'll be disappointed if you do."
"Well, you see, it's just that it's springtime and all the flowers are blooming. The green we've used on the grass is really intense and the sky-blue came out deeper than we expected. I sometimes think it looks too artificial, too Disneyland for Swiss."
"No Evans. It's always been like that. We tried to tone it down once, but we found the intensity of the colour necessary for a good contrast for the snow. We've never had a complaint before - I don't want to see one now. What's going on with the glacial streams? My god man, they look positively grey!"
"Oh that? Yes. Ummm, well, I thought I'd experiment a little."
"You can't do that!"
"Ohh, but the colour is so striking. Nice. Different than you'd expect. See? The tourists are getting close, taking pictures."
"But they'll get bored, Evans. Better shift the paths a bit closer to the edge and then ramp up the flow rate on the streams. I want to see it positively belting down that bank. That's the way. Churn the water a bit more and increase the volume. Get a bit of adrenalin flowing so that they don't miss the blue they see on the lakes. Right. Now pop in a man coming up the meadow with an alpine horn. Good. And some more flowers. Church bells pealing in the distance. Yes, that's it Evans."
"Another waterfall sir?"
"Yes. But make it bigger this time."
"Yes sir."
"A bridge too, just in front. And wind the path a little. More cow-bells."
"How about a church steeple?"
"Excellent idea."
"A swan on the lake?"
"Yes, just in front of the old stone bridge. Can we get a few horses crossing? Thoroughbreds, Evans! This is Switzerland - we don't have shabby ponies here, lad. Right then. Cobblestones. Seventeenth century cottages. More flowers. Can we get some little trains winding through the mountains there?"
"Shall I lock in some tall cliffs around the next bend?"
"Good lad. More cows, don't skimp on the
bells."
"I'd just like to see something a bit different."
"What about the paragliders flying through the gorge we added last week? "
"Yes sir. They're...they're very nice sir."
"And you must admit, the mass display of bright colours in the sky looks great against the new snow, Evans."
"Yes. It does sir. But I was thinking more of another natural feature. Maybe doing something with the waterfalls."
"We already have a waterfall every hundred metres, Evans."
"Yes, but maybe we could do something really outstanding. 'Positively mind-blowing,' as you say."
"But there's no room left on the cliff-faces, Evans. I mean, the only place we haven't put a bloody waterfall so far is actually inside the mountain. "
"Ohh! Could we sir?"
"What?"
"Could we put one inside the mountain?"
"Good god, man! What a brilliant idea. Yes. Make a tunnel. That's it. Low key lighting. A few spotlights in strategic places. Turn the volume up to full blast."
"Some more splash, sir?"
"Oh yes, we want to get them a little wet - make them actually feel how warm the sun has become when they climb back into the meadow."
"They're looking a little tired, sir."
"Well, pop
in an elevator. Yes, right in the mountain. That's better."
"Great work, Evans."
"I do try, sir."
"I'm very pleased with your work actually. The revolving restuarant on the Schilthorn was quite a remarkable achievement."
"Thankyou sir. I was very pleased with that one myself. The hard bit was getting the cable car up to 2973 metres above sea-level. After that, the restaurant virtually built itself."
"The media hype from the Bond film they made there certainly helped boost the tourist numbers."
"As I say sir, I do try. Can I do anything else for you today, sir?"
"Umm, let me see. We have the little men in fishing boats?"
"Yes."
"The train schedule is running to perfection?"
"Yes."
"Plenty of walking trails?"
"Indeed, sir."
"Add a few more cows, ring a few church bells and then I think your work here is done."
"Yes, sir."
"Ohh. And Evans, I've been meaning to talk to you about a little move I have in mind for you."
"A promotion, sir?"
"Some might say that. It's a little project I've been saving up for quite sometime. Older town. A little run-down."
"Where is it?"
"Italy. Got a good reputation. They call it
'Venice'."
Advertisement
Tot: 0.045s; Tpl: 0.012s; cc: 19; qc: 22; dbt: 0.025s; 1; m:domysql w:travelblog (10.17.0.13); sld: 1;
; mem: 1.1mb
Hilary
non-member comment
Well you have outdone yourselves with this one. Such great fun to read and very clever. I hope you are going to let your Geography depts share these with the kids! Have more wonderful adventures please!