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Speed Chess
The lesson I learned: you can lose by making bad decisions, but you can also lose by making no move at all. The other day I was walking in the Calle Gran Via, and I saw a crowd of people gathered around a man on the sidewalk. He was playing speed chess against any brave passerby who was up to the challenge. Each player had a total of 3 minutes for the game. I don't mean that each
move received 3 minutes. I mean the whole game was begun and completed in less than 6. The rules: you lose if your king is check-mated, and you lose if your 3 minutes runs out. The man was playing a loop of Tracy Chapman's "You gotta fast car." It's a song about a woman who wastes years of her life waiting for her husband to make a move.
I stood on the street and watched for a long time. The man won every game he played. He didn't flinch or hesitate when making his moves. And I knew what I had to do.
I moved out of my house. This might be difficult for a lot of people to understand. I adored Pedrito and Blanca, and they adored me. I got along well with Belen and Pedro. When it was just the five
of us, I felt like part of the family. I felt loved Why would I want to move out?
Let me take you for a walk in my
zapatos to try to explain. There was a large cloud casting a huge
sombra on my Spanish days. That cloud's name was Regina. For the most part, she only pummeled me with pebbles, Why did you use that plate? Why did you make the children's snack so small? Why didn't you turn off this light? Why didn't you clean up the table? Why didn't you wash your sheets this weekend? Why didn't you take out the trash? Eye rolling, huffing, muttering, scolding. Then when I would try to explain myself or defend myself and scratch the chronic itch that she is, she would explode into an angry rash of South American insults, mocking the things that I said as a bully on the playground might, muttering under her breath, getting close up in my face, refusing to back off, slamming doors and chairs.
As time went on, the drama with Regina was rivalling "El Tormento" plots, and I am neither a Spanish cowgirl nor a soap opera starlet. Quite frankly,
Regina was being abusive. When one night this week I found myself in tears, I realized I had a very difficult decision to make.
I remembered Don Quijote. "Yo naci libre, y para poder vivir libre, escogi la soledad de los campos." I have choices. I remembered the speed chess I had seen on the street. I remembered Tracy Chapman. I could suck it up, bide my time, do nothing, and thereby lose the opportunity to
disfrutar my remaining time in Spain. Or I could take a deep breath and make a big move without flinching or hesitating.
So I investigated my options and moved into a nice room in a nice flat downtown with 6 roommates. It's just a hop away from la Plaza de Santa Ana, a skip away from la Plaza de la Puerta del Sol, and a jump away from my school. I've got my own room in my new
piso. Though it's a strange little room, it's mine. Mine, mine, mine. I can wash my sheets when I want. I can use whatever plate I want. I can wake up as late as I want. I can leave my window closed all day
if I want. No one will yell at me. No one will slam doors or chairs. No one will monitor what I eat or how I eat it.
My room has a lofted bed which I promptly vetoed, instead putting my mattress directly on the floor, and a small high window. Two walls have been painted a funny shade of lilac that reminds me of
Las Violetas candies that I can buy in one of the
tiendas below. The apartment has wifi internet, a phone, a nice big kitchen, a TV room, a sitting room, 2 bathrooms, and a cute little fish tank. I've only met 3 of my flatmates so far (I know that 2 are from Italy and 4 are from France, so I'm the lone
Americana en casa), and they all seem very nice. I think I'm going to be very
contenta here.
Of course it wasn't easy. I'm very sad to leave Pedrito and Blanca prematurely (I cried when I hugged and kissed them goodbye). I learned that freedom and integrity have a very tangible, visceral price. Maybe I'll lose from making a bad move. But I refuse to lose for making no move
Speed Chess
When it's your move, what will you do? at all.
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Todd G
non-member comment
Right On!
Good for you Michelle! No need to put up with that abuse. I am sure this is going to be the start of an even better new experience. Best of luck Todd