what now?

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It shouldn’t come as a surprise that on my 3 month hiatus from the norms of the American lifestyle, and a short 3 months away from graduating college, no longer being able to say, “I’m in college” to get immediate admiration and respect, I’m scared. I must leave the safety and security of being a student. Truthfully, I have undoubtedly prolonged my days in the in-between as well. But just as it seems that I closed my eyes here in Spain and it was over, the same will come on my graduation day. The question that everyone tries to avoid is quickly sneaking up on me, and I won’t be able to fight it much longer… What now?
All of my friends are still trudging through school, asking themselves the same question- it just happens that I got here first, and will have to jump, somewhere. I am writing this because I don’t want the easy way out. I am begging for encouragement and a boost of confidence in my future on the road less taken. I am lucky to have parents with friends in high places that I’m sure could help me get jobs and keep me financially stable. And I’m sure the work would be interesting and enjoyable, but I have to give myself a reality check and remind myself that the only thing that I have even known that I wanted to do with my life is to help people. No idea how, with what, or where. I’d like to think that my mindset is different, and being financially secure should come second to doing what I’ve wanted to do since I was a girl.
If traveling the world and meeting other global citizens has done anything to me- it has certainly not made me feel like I am enlightened- instead, I am wholly appalled at how naive I really am.
Day by day, the Peace Corps is becoming more and more real to me. I’m young, have energy and health, I can depend on myself and I trust myself, even in my moments most fearful. I’ve talked to a lot of people who have all said, ‘I was going to go to the Peace Corp…” but are now working at comfy jobs and going out on the boat on the weekend. The intention is good, but intentions don’t help people.
An alternative for my future is to spend a year teaching English in Spain or South America. But even this sounds too cushy and comfortable, and at the blink of an eye will be over. If I am going to spend the time, I might as well do it right- despite the amount of spiders I may have to sleep with in my thatched house.
My friends think I’m brave. My parents think I’m strong. But really I’m not. Everyone in life needs a little push sometimes, and I’m gonna need a little push from everyone I know, and everyone I pass on the street. It takes a village to raise a child, and I haven’t been raised to only have intentions. Don’t let me get caught in the easy route, please.

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