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Published: September 16th 2008
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Two drunkards in one day. How can things get more exciting?
I recall at home once trying to define what 'being drunk' meant. Some of us thought that being drunk was simply having a buzz. I firmly disagreed then, and I still stick with my definition. Drunk, is being on a russian bus and getting your butt thrown off of it. Literally.
So the night was young. Our plan was to hit up the banya, basically the Russian version of really hot, steamy room with naked men everywhere. And we have birch branches to hit each other with. Well, it turns out that we couldn't get into the banya due to it being ladies night only. Disappointing? Nah, we took Debbie's 2,000 ruples and went out for dinner. So our local guide was Andrew, who wasn't even from this area we later discovered nevertheless we hopped on a bus and rode our way towards the opera house and a mall. On the bus there a rather drunk man tried talking to me in slurred Russian. At first it was all fine and dandy and I just played it off like everything was cool. But then he asked me what
I thought about the conflict in Georgia once he figured out I was American. I tried to play it smooth and declined to answer, attempting to pretend that I didn't know what he was saying. Suddenly from the other side of the bus the ticket woman started yelling at him, telling him he was causing problems. The drunk guy started yelling and such, claiming he wasn't starting problems. And the ticket lady, who is probably 5 feet tall started grabbing him and shoving him and he (5'8) shoved back. She told the driver to stop and ordered him off the bus. Andrew dragged us all off also, deciding the streets may be safer for us. Haha.
So we run around a 5 story shopping mall and meet his friend dasha. She was bubbly and cute. Mostly I think she was just flabbergasted by being surrounded by 6 really tall american men. She seemed very happy though. We ate pizza at a chinese/italian restaurant. Don't ask. Said goodbye and decided to head home, thinking the night was over. Oh, but it wasn't.
Turns out we got on the wrong bus. So I am standing there, holding on to the rail on the ceiling when I see a drunk guy get on the bus and sit down. He still has a beer in one hand. He falls asleep and is snoring, beer still in hand. It's probably around 10pm now so most people are not on the bus. With no where else to sit but realizing we are in for a long ride having gotten on the wrong bus and going in the complete opposite direction of where we should be going. I decide to sit next to the passed out drunk guy. A few minutes later he drops his beer and it splashes everywhere. I decide to finally move when I hear him cough. Was decision I decide as I watch him then throw up, almost on an American. If that isn't funny enough he tries to hide it all by putting it all back in his mouth.
Okay, so drunk guy on the bus, whatever. He falls back asleep and we get to the end of the bus line and the bus stops to turn around and go back through the city. Well the ticket master switches people, so now it is this large guy instead of an old lady. This large guy goes over and slaps the guy, who doesn't even respond. He then slaps the guy a couple more times, even harder. With no response he picks the guy up and slams him on the floor, hard. The guy just kind of moans. So he grabs him, smashes his face into a metal pole, then twirls him through the air into another metal railing, the guy is awake by this point. But the big dude then picks him up and throws him out of the bus and classic movie style the guy lands face first into a huge puddle of mud. The guy lays there moaning in pain, gets up, walks around trying to collect his shoes while the big guy yells at him. Then the doors close and we drive away.
Good end to a night I suppose.
On an unrelated note, drinking age in Russia is 18. I didn't really think they had one.
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Svetlana
non-member comment
drinking
Sounds typical, although it's been a long time since I saw similar scenes in public transport. Russians really don't have a drinking age - that's true, people would think that sales assistant is joking if they ask for their passport. I'm Russian (from Perm) and so far I have enjoyed reading your blog, it is fun. So, how did you get home finally?