Porto homesickness

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This is a lot harder than I thought it would be. I don't know how much of a world traveler I am. I miss home, my mum, my siblings, Norri, I even miss work. I think I'm a routine kinda person. Or a resort person. I don't handle change well, and this is all change, everyday.

How do people do this for months, years, decades? 11 days in and I feel like I'm treading water. I broke down on the phone with my mum today. Days without sleep, added to the fact that I think I caught a cold from walking around in the rain for days, plus everything that happened in Ottawa has me worried.

I think of Courtney, and her strength and how she did it for 6 months, I wonder how. How did she do it? I'm really struggling here, I'm counting down the days, the hours till Lisa gets here. It seems so fucking far. I can't even imagine it right now.

I know when I get home to YVR and I look back these 28 days will be a blur, and I will be a changed person. I'm just not sure who will be at the end of the line. So I sit here outside this old church in Porto and wonder how many days can I sit and reflect before I have gone through every emotional box.

Your mother always knows best. I just wish it was the second already. I'm not sure how much longer I can hang on.

I'm at a low point, and I know this all sounds severely dramatic, but it's my honest feelings. I wish I wasn't alone, I wish I wasn't single, I see all these couples enjoying and experiencing this together and I think, that's not gonna happen for me. It's gonna be this way for me.

I miss you all, and I'm counting down the days till I see your faces. Vancouver seems so far here, I thought that's what I wanted. But it turns out, it's the exact opposite.
P

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