Portugal: Flamenco, Alphabet Damage and Tit Act of the Week

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I was hoping to have a crazy adventure today, but because of all the heavy hardcore raining these past couple of weeks (too much for the algarve, should only rain for a day max), i decided to keep myself indoors for the weekend. Instead, let's discuss some of the things that have been going on over the past week.

SOLAR POWER

When I 1st arrived here, I found out that I don't have a boiler and water is heated up via solar panels on the roof. This is an awesome plan since the Algarve boasts 300 days of sun per year ... however there's a flaw in this plan ... no sun = no energy = no hot water. I found this out 1 morning when I shampooed myself all over and then went to wash it off ... I screamed like a girl who has just seen "a really biiigg spider" (1 centimeter long). When I told the guys at reception, it was a case of "Mr Handyman will come and take a look" .. but this went on for days and I was washing myself using hot kettle water and a bucket. Eventually I asked for Mr Handyman to come and see me directly ... his name is Valentino and he's about 80 yrs old however he does ALL of the handyman jobs here.

I felt wrong as I watched this little dude carry a massive ladder over to the 3rd floor, then climb up it to the roof to see why it still isn't working. But Valentino is the man, 30 mins later I had hot water again ... as long as I have hot water every Sunday I'm fine, coz Sunday is bathtime funday when me and Etch Lee .... actually let's not go there.

WALLS

The walls in this complex are thin. If people below, to the left or to the right even move a dining chair, I hear it. TV, I hear it, talking I hear it. Not ideal. Expecially when I know what's being said ... let's put it this way, my neighbours on the left think I'm Indian and my name is Etch-a-sketch (like i havent heard that one before ... not that I was supposed to hear it).

ALPHABET DAMAGE

I've registered for many services here over the phone, and this week I realized that communication isn't necessarily going as well as I think it is. For example, when I spell my name out, I start by saying 'E'. What I didn't realize was that to the Portuguese this sound 'eeeeee' is how they refer to the letter 'I'. So anywhere in my details with TV cable, vodafone, whatever else I've signed up to, everywhere there should be an E there is an I. No wonder I haven't been getting any bills thru email ... I just thought all these companies were being friendly and not charging me.

How did I initially find out about this issue? Well, here's another example of the awesomeness of technology here. When I received my monthly bill for internet/phone/tv, I was sent an SMS that said to go to TV channel 500 ... so I did, and there I can see all my bill info, calls made, movies rented ... they make it so easy, even if it is registered to IHTSHAM AKJTAR instead of EHTSHAM AKHTAR. In Portugal all services are linked to your mobile phone number and fiscal (tax) number ... so to log onto services your password is your fiscal number, you get sms'd about bills and other useful info ... when you phone up for support they just need your fiscal number, not account number or name or other detail. Have this number memorized and you can do anything ... but you need a fiscal number to do anything too .... such as buy a car or have a phone package.

FARO MADNESS

Ok, so on Wed I went back to Faro. 1st stop was the bank to pick up my MultiBanco card ... recall a while back I mentioned the ATMs here are used for more than taking out money ... another example of technological awesomeness. When I receive the card I test it out ... I take out €20 from ATM then fill up my car with fuel and pay on card for €76.

I feel really lost when filling up the car with fuel. Here it's all prepay ... so when u park up u have to go inside and pay a certain amount and then they give u that amount of fuel ... so ur queuing before even doing anything. If you want to fill to the top, u go in and tell them this, then fill up, then queue a 2nd time, wtf. Only thing is ... I seem to be the only one queuing, all other motorists just park up and fill their tanks like in the UK ... yet everytime Ive done this the nozzle hasnt worked, the sign says to go prepay, and when I prepay I ask how it works and they say pay 1st and they'll release the petroleum. So why is it when Im in the queue behind 20 annoying school kids buying sweets and paying with a million 1 cent coins that they cant even count at a decent speed, Im seeing other cars and vans pull up, drivers getting out and just filling the tank up? Dont understand.

Last time I was in Faro I almost died twice on the road .... well it happened again. I went straight across a junction and another car was turning, I carried on because there was no red light (i promise man, no red light) but he wouldnt stop and i almost crushed him ... and he was beeping, and the cars behind me werent even behind me anymore, theyd stopped at the junction as if they saw an imaginary red light (honestly, there wasnt 1 ... there wasnt) ... so I dont think its safe for me to drive in Faro no more.

TIT ACT OF THE WEEK

The next day I logged onto my bank account online to see how much mortgage payment was taken out (its dropped by half of a few months ago because the 3-month euribor has dipped like crazy) ... and I noticed 2 transactions I didnt recognize. There was a €20 charge for something in Faro, ant €76 with some weird letters against it. I got pissed because the banks charge you for all sorts, even when I transferred GBP to EUR last week I got charged not only by UK bank but also Portuguese bank. So I phone my bank manager, no answer. I then email him and say something along the lines of:

"Mr bank manager, Im sick and tired of all these random charges ... why are the Portuguese government butt-f^cking honest people like myself with all these expennses and charges we face, and now by taking random amounts of cash from my bank account ... I dont take too kindly to butt-f^cking, it hurts"

I send the email, and 30 seconds later the part of my brain that likes to play games with me actually reminded me that those 2 charges were: €20 the money I took out of the ATM in Faro, and €76 for the gas station where I almost strangled this kid for paying for his sugar-injecting addiction with copper coins. Basically, since Ive been waiting 2 months to get the bank account, Ive actually forgotten how this thing works .... a) you pay for something with ur card b) the money is taken out of your account c) it will show on the bank statement.

FLAMENCO

Today I decided to learn a little flamenco ... I'd love to find a teacher here ... but guessing Id have to travel into Spain for that ... do-able.

Let's hope the weather is good for an adventure next weekend, I'm hoping to check out a gypsy market.

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