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Published: February 2nd 2007
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Last I left off I was in Albuferia, Portugal counting down the days until I flew to London town. So a quick re-cap as its been sooo long…
Arrived in Portugal after going via the states staying with Rizzo, Brent and Gordo, eating burgers, drinking beer and seeing sights, arrived in Lisbon with no idea of what direction to go, ended up enticing an argument between a group of oldies who then pulled me onto a train and kicked me off again at my stop. Snuggled into life at the Termas while avoiding hard labour and becoming a mosaic addict, at the end of month partied like it was 1999 with Hella in Coimbra university and then trained first class to the South only for the carriage to stop in the middle of no-where and people getting piled onto buses going ‘somewhere’?! Got it?
Okay Albuferia. Southern Portugal in the Algarve. Say bye-bye to anything authentic and hello to a Little Britain. Anyone seen Hi-de-hi? My introduction was; arriving at my hotel to be told it has closed down and I was being transferred to another one - okay who am I to argue, I gotta
sleep. Walked into my room, spread open the curtains and breathed in deep and looked at my view - a burst pipe spreading brown water down the road. Second introduction, having ‘Real English’ fish and chips at a Café next door where over weight middle aged Brit couple were complaining about there being no ‘soooup in the barrrrrrthrooom’ and where was the ‘toomata sawce’. It was a beautiful thing for shizzle. I had five days and fours nights and managed to have three beautiful days sunbathing. Funny story, if not a creepy warning for young players. I was lying beside a couple who seemed to be from the Mediterranean, I really only gathered this because the lady was very relaxed with stripping off her top and lying on her back. I don’t know why I did this but for some reason I felt the urge to follow suit, and kind of did. After a while I started to feel more comfortable until I heard a too close for comfort rustle over my left shoulder. Not expecting anything out of the ordinary, well hoping not to get anything out of the ordinary., I turned around to find an old leathery vagabond
Looking out over Albufeira
View from my room. Cramming as many 'house' shacks they can into the area. One way to maximise tourism. in jean shorts doing a really bad impression of reading a newspaper. Quicker than Dan finding water when he caught fire to his beard that fateful day making candles, I scrambled for my top and made a hasty retreat for a wine! SPEW! I really did eat a whole pizza and bottle of wine by myself that afternoon, early night for me. Not to mention I was recognised by the waiters as the crazy lady who ate a whole pizza on her own and played suduko - my mission in life is complete I can now venture home….right.
So the days were lovely and long, being harassed on the beach to buy Dior sunnies, Rolex watches (so eighties) and just the plain, ‘you here alone, I take you out, no?’ Thats right buddy 'no!'
Everything seemed to end with a ‘no’, can get quite confusing. For example,
‘you want a glass of wine, no?’
‘yes’
‘you said yes, no?’
‘no I said yes, yes,’
‘No?’
‘YES. Here give me the bottle.’
Now I am in London, sooooo up to date with Coronation Street. Mum, Charlie… (blah blah blah blah). I will never tell. (Sam just ring wink wink).
Had an awesome Christmas with 15 others, drunk enough to keep the QE2 afloat and ate enough to rival a gaggle food eating competitors. Just before Christmas Dan and I moved into a flat with a big bunch of others from France, Spain, Ireland and our lovely neighbours, the Aussies. Crazy mix also very fun especially when we bust out the dance moves ‘latin mumma styles’ in our kitchen at ungodly hours of the morning. Another time another story. I had to remind Dan why popping a party popper on the bus wouldn't be a good 'festive' idea and smacked him when he said dhurka dhurka outside the Halal meat shop as a flippant response to something I said (completely by accident!).
New Years was spent at a pub in Piccadilly, we had every intention of making to Big Ben to see the fireworks but got rather comfortable in the nice warm pub and couldn’t organise ourselves to make the hike, besides they predicted over 40, 000 people would be gathered around the Big Dial watching his hands clap 12 so I am still glad we didn’t attempt to mash ourselves in that meal.
Been sightseeing around London,
Home.
We live above the pawn brokers next to the off-license, how convenient pawn our jewels for more booze. The view from our lounge is somewhat different from the opne we had in Brooklyn. Big Ben, London Eye, Buckingham Palace (Dan wouldn't let me knock on the front door and say 'Mummy I'm home..."), Abbey Road (got the flatties to line up and do the Beatles walk thing), Camden markets for cool clothes (haven't stopped shopping, even having no job doesn't deter the dedicated), the cathedrals, and it snowed in our back courtyard (no greens) the other day.
One last ting a funny story about Dan….quickly before he catches me writing this…..One morning on his way to work some smelly unfortunate gets up in his face and says ‘gimmeeighty ’ Dan thinking he heard right said to the man, ‘sorry bro I don’t carry that kind of money’, to which to fiery individual said ‘GIMME EIGHTY PEE OR ‘LL SLICE YOU’. Most people would put their trembling hands into their pockets drop the money on the ground and head straight for the nearest Marks and Spence to but some new underwear, not our Dan. He bursts out laughing at the guy and saying ‘Arh shit mate I thought you said give me eighty quid! Of course you can have eighty pee.’ To which the poor confused fella grins and chuckles back with
Abbey Road (they spelt it all wrong!)
We make the coolest Beatles yet! It had to be done its right around the corner from us. We only held up a few buses, a car and a couple of cyclists! Dan and off they go in opposite directions both laughing to themselves. Haha kind of sounds like the ending to one of those ‘there was English-man and Maori-man and an Irishman…..’ jokes.
Anyway keep it real my hommies - peace out. Sit back, relax and enjoy the pics...If you feel inclined drop me a line commiserating over my leathery man ordeal - so violated!
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Hazzy
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Party on Wayne...
All sounds like a pleasant English winter. Nice to know the spasmodic poses haven't ceased being struck at opportune moments before cameras. Antics, antics, antics.