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Published: July 21st 2009
Ma-Zoo-Ry
I have given up excusing the length of time between these blogs, because both you and I know that there is little time when traipsing around the country side to park yourself in front of the computer and write about everything that’s been done. So, let’s cut to the chase.
It’s been two weeks, loyal readers. Two weeks since I hit the keyboard to lay some tales on you. Since then there hasn’t really been that much going on to be honest. We’re still in Poland believe it or not.
We have spent most of our time in Warsaw, beginning with a few days back at Jacek’s place, where he and the boys made a point of arguing constantly in an unintelligible, rapid fire sort of way. But hey, that’s the way 3-man shows work without a female to send them all to their rooms. Ahh, testosterone. What a bastard of a hormone. Dad, I’m really sorry. And you should be too. I really should have listened to you more often, especially about keeping my nose out of things that don’t concern me.
Whilst there we ran into Dorota and Zbyszek again, which was good as
Aleks didn’t get much time to talk to them before. Little Ola was at her finest, working on that future singing voice by howling at her poor mother constantly, so we tried to take a bit of the pain away by distracting her. This also gave Roxy the Golden Retriever House-Dog, a.k.a “Wawa!” to Ola, a break from having it’s jowls pulled and it’s eyes bashed in, which I’m sure it missed terribly.
Friday 3rd July we went to have lunch at Ciocia Asia’s place with D, Z & O. This gave us the opportunity to catch up with Dziadek (Grandpa, bogans), Asia, Wujek Marek and the lovely Ania, who I’ve discovered speaks more English than she lets on like 95% of the people in Poland and will avoid it no longer! I have to say that Ciocia’s cooking is great, but I don’t eat as much there as I do at Ma & Pa Lips’ house... so I don’t have to lay on the floor. I have a feeling like it wouldn’t be a good idea. But I still made sure Ciocia was well aware of my affinity for the food. While little Ola was obviously the star
of the show, and I had to resign my place as youngest in the family for a while, but that was just fine by me!
That afternoon we visited Aldona’s house (Aleks’ half-sister) in Piastow, and met four of her five children, in age order - Ewelina, Grzesiek, Olga and Antek. Aldona, who we have been trying to get hold of since we reached Poland, was working late and allowed us to see the kids. I thought that was very nice of her. We didn’t really see much of the youngest three, as they played shy and ran amok in the other rooms of the house, which kept little Ola occupied while Dorota, Zbyszek, Aleks and I sat with Ewelina and talked life. I have to tell you, Ewelina is truly a unique person. At 22, not only is she beautiful, she is a motivated, articulate, worldly girl who is studying Finnish Philology at University. That is impressive enough in itself, but add to this the fact that she is in part responsible for raising the other four children in a small house while her mother works, AND with no father figure? Wow. What a trooper. Ewelina, if you’re
reading this, I think you’re amazing.
The weekend of the 4th and 5th we made the move to Dominika’s place from Jacek’s. I think to be honest the lads were glad to see the tail end of us, but were a bit taken aback when they realised we were actually leaving. We arrived at Dominika’s to an empty house as she was going overnight to a wedding with the rest of the family and was responsible for the makeup. Ahhh the joys of being guaranteed a whole night in an apartment by yourself, if you know what I mean.
Monday 6th I received phone called around ten in the morning to let me know that my application for Youth Mobility Working Visa in the UK had been soundly rejected by the simpering bureaucratic twits at the UK Embassy! Jolly good show! It seems that poor Nemo’s maintenance funds documentation did not meet the requirements of UK Immigration Rules, 2nd Edition, 3rd Revision, Chapter 12, Page 8, Heading 7, Paragraph 3, Section 245JK, Subsection IV, Clause E-6, Line 2... and my application was stamped with a lovely big red “REFUSED” and handed back to me by some non apologetic
git. I read it and noted the “ABSOLUTELY NO REFUND” by the window. Apparently I was short an “Official Bank Stamp of the Seal of the Commonwealth Bank, endorsed by teller’s signature” ... which I can obviously get just round the corner here in Poland.
Bye bye application fee. Lesson learned. My major gripe with this is that you can never get to talk face to face to someone to run your checklist by them. Like most typical government calls, after you spend hours trying to get away from an answering machine, you reach a real person only to be haughtily redirected to the associated website, “as ALL the information is there and I’m terribly sorry, but it’s IMPOSSIBLE to meet someone face to face, how dare you!” -clunk, beep beep beep -
Stupid peon I am. Was all of this a result of my inability to read fine print and get the official word on the street? Was it having too much blithering government red tape and horseshit to sift through, all of which was totally vague as to what I specifically needed vs. what would be nice to bring to increase my chances? Maybe both, but
I’m still mad as a cut snake about it.
After the phone call, we made our way over to Asia’s again to have dinner and stay the night as we had been meaning to do for a long time. We saw Dziadek again and walked him home later in the afternoon so we could see his place. He showed us a lot of photos, one of which got my particular attention. It was a painted-over portrait of a young cherub in a little sailor’s outfit and beautiful long blonde curly hair, gazing at some flowers and looking like the perfect picture of youth and innocence.
I was then told that this was actually Papa Wetzlich. I failed to see any resemblance whatsoever, and still refuse to believe the codswallop they are trying to feed me. HA!
For me the rest evening consisted primarily of retiring to the computer room to work on uploading photos from the previous blog and drinking beer. I also got onto Youtube to watch the Top Gear episodes I had been missing... that and generally avoid hindering the flow of Polish conversation with my Pagan English. That night slept well due to aforementioned
beer, and had a lazy morning of eating and talking to parentals on the phone before being escorted back to town by Asia on the train to pick up my rejection papers from the embassy.
Wednesday the 8th saw Dominika, Aleks and I go to Danek & Jagoda’s house in Marki, NE Warsaw. These are Aleks’ great Aunt and Uncle, and they are two of the most beautiful people I have met since I have been here. We arrived to smiles and photos being dragged out of cupboards so that we could see the whole extended family, including a Renes family tree that has been placed on the wall, showing everyone from 1850 or so onwards. This was done about 20 years ago, and so all the good looking people I know from this family look completely different in their passport photos, and usually with great hair. HA! Not only that, we saw footage of Babcia and Dzidzia Tlustochowicz’s 50th wedding Anniversary, which was fantastic - Aleks 19 years old, Papa Lips’ hair dark, Mama looking exactly the same as she does now, Wujek Andrzej most likely tipsy, Bogusia’s hair epic and unfaltering, Uncle Barry videoing, Steph and
Seb are small and Ciocia Ola entertaining the crowds... The list goes on. Then Ciocia fed us until we were stuffed full, Wujek Danek played us some harmonica, and we were sent on our merry way - which was to the cemetery to visit Magda & Kasia, a very sad thing to do. If you want to know why, ask me. I won’t write it on here.
The next day we were up early and back to Anin to sort out the last of Aleks’ passport details, and also to pick up her EU ID Card. Hooray! She is now officially confirmed as a Polish Citizen, even though we knew all along that she was anyway. We have Jacek to thank for that, he drove us around to the fifteen billion places we had to visit to get it squared away, and it made our life a whole lot easier.
After we were finished at Jacek’s we made our way over to Ciocia Iza and Wujek Marian’s house. “Mario” is a real character; big, loud, wears aviator sunglasses. Ex- wrestler in the 100kg division, represented Poland, still looks like he could snap a bear in half. He has
also been in the Polish Police, Polish Army, AND was Grand Chief of Polish Special Forces, and you can tell when you talk to him. He was responsible for protecting the Pope at various stages, meeting Presidents and Prime Minsters, and generally looking badass. He showed me hundreds of his photos from his time in the Secret Service, and I gotta tell you, that stuff is really impressive. We got along like a house on fire, and after many drinks he told me in no uncertain terms how happy he was to have me in the family; a great blessing from a man you really want to impress.
Ciocia Iza is Ciocia Bogusia’s sister, and you can really tell that too. Her mannerisms and look are so similar right down to the stunning blonde hair and blood red nail polish. She is also an amazing cook and that makes her top notch in my books as all of you know. She is also a language machine, being able to speak English, Polish, German, French, Italian, and even Russian I think. Oh, and she’s learning Spanish. We ate a big pile of food and also managed to polish off half
a bottle of Johnnie Walker and four bottles of wine for our troubles, leaving slightly drunk. I will definitely be going back as soon as possible, and not only because I left my sunglasses there. HA!
That night we went to Krzysiek’s (Dominika’s brother) gig at the University of Warsaw. Just before the boys were on stage, Wujek realised we hadn’t seen one of his statues in the University, and whisked us off to see “The Student”, complete with a book of grades and a hole in his shoe. A magnificent piece of art, as is usual for Wujek’s works. When we got back, the band (Ostatni Pszystanek Postepu) started playing a combo of rock, rockabilly and the Bangles. They are really tight as a band and the music was excellent, even if it was in Polish and I had no idea what they were saying. Then again, I generally never have any idea what people are saying at a rockin’ concert. We had many more beers and I took over a hundred photos of the event while Wujek, Dominika and Aleks danced like mad, along with some random chick who was rocking out by herself and having a
The Band
Warsaw Universitygreat old time. The gig was a real compliment to the lads; I am a truly critical mongrel when it comes to music, and I loved it. After meeting them all and realising I might still be a little drunk, decided it was time to go home and have a nice big sleep.
Next day saw us travelling to Mazury with Dom and Wujek Andrzej. You know, Andrzej Renes. No no, the one who is an artist... No not that one, the other one. The Polish one. I mean the one in Poland.
Anyway,we ended up having Obiat (late lunch) on the way out of Warsaw with Danek and Jagoda, and this thankfully helped my beer/wine/Johnny hangover a little. Dominika was getting a headache, so Wujek had to drive, and this was great for me as I got to see the capabilities of the little 1.4L Honda Civic. Wujek lectured Dominika on “opening up the engine and giving it some revs, because it’s a Honda,” whilst driving for half an hour between 140 and 160km/h, watching the Porsche Turbos and BMW’s fly by. It is a very new road that we were on, and roads generally in Poland are
Krzysiek's Gig
Warsaw University complete crap, so it had to be done. This helped my hangover a little more.
We stopped during the trip at a place called Skansen, in a town called Nowogrod. This was a collection of 18th Century style wooden houses that were broken down at their original locations and rebuilt in one beautiful spot by the river as a sort of museum of times past. Amazing photo opportunities, and I’m still getting blown away by how all the old time stuff worked eg. Flour mills, wells etc. We arrived later in the afternoon at the farm near Orzyscz.
I would like to point out that I’m lucky enough to be sitting here in the “Thousand Lakes District” of Poland, which is in the semi final for being placed in the list of Seven Natural Wonders of the World. The farm that Wujek and Ciocia have out here is nestled amongst beautiful green rolling countryside and is close to a major lake, and is truly astounding, as I’m sure you will agree when you see the photos. There are so many animals here it’s like a scene out of bambi, and being the time of year a lot of
Skansen
Mazury, Poland them are babies, which has Aleks gushing. Especially the Cygnets and miniature horse foals. There are roads lined with wildflowers of all colours of the rainbow that make even the beautiful fields of wheat and corn next to them pale in comparison. The farm itself is part of a fair bit of land that they own, and was resurrected (starting year 2000) from a crumbling pile of stones and broken roofing and turned into a place that is not only a home away from home for the family, it is a retreat where Ciocia (being a Psychologist) actually brings groups of people for group therapy.
While we have been here there has been a group of six, three of each sex, in session for up to 12 hours a day. There is a lot of associated screaming and crying of course, but hey, that’s none of my business, and they are a really nice group of people, totally varied in their demeanour and personality. One of them in particular is a young, attractive blonde girl all decked out in Louis Vuitton, Chanel and Rolex. Apparently she’s a real hit with the lads, if you know what I mean, and
Skansen
Mazury, Poland has been making eye contact with me as much as possible, even with Aleks standing right next to me, much to all of our amusement. I must say I don’t mind at all; after a while I realised she’s actually quite stunning, just in a femme fatale, connected to the mafia kind of way. That and she is way out of my price range.
The farm is such a great place to get away - in between bouts of relaxing and doing absolutely nothing, you can just go out to the vegetable garden and pick some blackberries, strawberries, gooseberries, or chuck berries, and eat to your hearts content. There is also a lot of vegies - onions, beans, carrots, potatoes, lettuce etc, as well as a giant herb section, and it all looks so healthy! There is a whole field of Poziomki, aka wild tiny strawberries that have to be eaten before the worms get them. 9 of us going for 10 minutes didn’t even make a dent. It’s Aleks’ idea of heaven. The food is taken from the garden and put with lunches and dinners cooked by the resident kitchen lady, Pani Zosia, who caters for all 12
The Gallery
Mazury, Poland of us at the one table, things like soup for entrees, then potato placki (pancakes) with goulash on top, and onto charlotte cake with coffee later on.
There is also a storage barn in the square of buildings that has had it’s roof replaced and is home to a couple of little boats, a 1970’s Land Rover that works, a lot of Wujek’s sculptures including a full size Jesus Christ that is one of the most lifelike sculptures I’ve ever seen, and a whole bunch more artists’ mess. But what a space to have at your disposal! It’s the stuff dreams are made of; I can just imagine having massive parties out here, or bringing a big guitar amp and three guitars and just playing as long and as loud as you want with no one around to hear you.
The lake we are next to is huge, and glass-flat, with little sandy pockets of beach areas around it, and expanses of reeds where ducks and geese hang out. In winter it is an ice skating and ice fishing haven, which you can drive across to get to the other side. Now that sounds like fun. Oh, that
Wolfschannze
Mazury, Poland and the fact that the sun setting over the top of it (see photos) was impressive even for someone who’s been to Ko Lanta.
I nearly forgot to mention that yesterday we went to an Art & Antique Gallery opening by two of Wujek’s friends, Rafał and Maciek, whom he has known since Art School in Brussels 20 years ago. We drove for about an hour to a stack of old wheat silos, and were quite intrigued with the calibre of antiques and pieces they had housed there. Lots of old furniture, sculptures, and paintings in a place that looks quite warehouse - great place for parties! We didn’t stay for long though, and left the boys to drink wine and chat, while we drove out to of all places, Hitler’s Bunkers in the forest 6km from Ketrzyn.
To be honest, I wasn’t that interested to begin with, more curious than anything. Once I realised that this wasn’t just a hole in the ground, I was blown away. There are 35 solid concrete bunkers built over four years between ’41 and ’44, where the plotting of the heads of the Reich took place. Nowadays they are still massive,
and you aren’t allowed to go inside as they are all falling to pieces after being blown up back in the day, but some of them are still intact, huge and green from moss coverage. Hitler’s personal bunker is a juggernaut of a building with a roof 8.5m thick - solid concrete and steel beams. It’s a very impressive sight, and in the middle of a beautiful green forest, a stark contrast to the madness that was being fostered in the buildings between.
It was at this site in July 1944 that Claus von Stauffenberg placed a suitcase bomb amongst a meeting of the top dogs in an attempt to assassinate Hitler. The 2008 movie Valkyrie, starring Tom Cruise, is a dramatisation of the plot, which I only found out today! Anyway, when the attempt actually happened, 4 people were killed, but none of them Hitler, even though the bomb was only 3m away. How the hell did that happen? Why didn’t that man avoid getting killed? I don’t get it. Was he immortal? You just can’t help bad luck can you.
So in closing, last night we did some sitting around the campfire with red wine and
guitars. As I write this, we have just finished breakfast, and I am feeling rather full of Kaszanka (black buckwheat sausages), home made jam and fresh bread rolls. The place is paradise away from the Ocean. Today it’s hot and the nimbus clouds threaten rain, but it could go either way. I am sitting here finishing this blog and wondering what to do with myself. Tomorrow is going to consist of maybe going to an animal farm or the lake for a swim, I have no idea. We will be coming back to Mazury for Ciocia’s 50th Birthday celebrations soon, and Aleks will be writing about that one I think.
And that’s where I’m going to leave you, groovers, to get back to your lives and hate me for being in a place like this. I would if I was you. See you next week.
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