Auschwitz/Ian

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Well, we went to the death camps today. I am not quite sure how to put all of this. I wasnt happy to be there, but sad. I didnt like being there one bit. Let me explain. Walking through Auschwitz wasnt like walking through a cemetery or a battlefield, it was in a league of its own. The place reeked of death even though there was no smell evident to my senses. Yet everything about the place told me that it was a bad place, an evil place. I felt this despite the hundreds of people around and the oddly beautiful day, it was a feeling ive never had before. i had a constant look of disgust on my face that i couldnt get off, i felt the need to scrub my hands if i touched anything, and blow hard through my nose if i breathed in too much, as if i coud expel whatever it was that made me uneasy. it was a sad place, a place that made me angry, a place that made me sick, but most, after it was all over, a place that made me want to help people.

i felt bad watching kate go through this. she lived in a world where she thought every body had a little good in them at the least. when you see this place, read the quotes of hitler and his men, it is very hard to keep on believing that. It was sad to see her view of the world change so suddenly, and there was nothing i could do to comfort her besides be there. For if i was to tell her what she wanted to hear, id be lying. Reading the words of one of hitlers quotes along the lines of, ¨¨i am going to breed a generation of children to grow up to be merciless and cruel to rid the world of moral fallacies¨¨ took quite a toll on both of us. He was an evil man through and through and so were the people who went with him. makes my view of humanity turn a little bit more Hobbsian.

I could talk about the things i saw but youve seen them too. nearly everything we saw, we had seen in videos. This wasnt about what we saw but what we felt. it was certainly a life changer and i dont feel any better as a person or more fulfilled, just a little more heartbroken and determined to bring a little good into the world that was lost during those times. Something bigger than I am, because in america where are bred to look out for ourselves and our family, sometimes not even that. I love money just as much as the next person but I think this knocked in a new view of life for me. I can do something for someone, maybe for a whole lot of someones. we will see where that leads me.

i hope youre not reading this and think its ian just talking off another of his experiences and it will fade away like everything else does in a year. that would make me sad for you because if you are you must be a selfish person. experience these things for yourself and see if you dont change. if you dont then i hope its because you are already as selfless as you could be.

Wow, so what an experience and thats heaps of myself and thoughts that i put into this. i hope you can all experience this for yourselves someday, its important.

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