Floating in a Pool in a Fjord

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Flam, Norway

Forget what anyone has ever told you about the Fjords. Mere words barely do justice to their grandeur. We got up early this morning, without any help from Martha or an alarm clock. I am so very glad we did. The scenery was breathtaking. Everywhere you look – splendor, grandeur, majesty – shall I go on? … (not sure I can, not online and this would require the assistance of a thesaurus).

Up and at ‘em and off the ship by 9am. Our goal is to take the train from Flam up to the top of the mountain and come back down. The ship tour was $200/person. We took the train for a total of $120. WORTH. EVERY. PENNY. So, we get to the ticket counter thinking we could take an early train and get back early and relax on the boat for a while. No such luck! The first available train is the 12:20; but get there no later than noon to line up! Really? There are that many people here? YES. THERE. ARE! The population of Flam is 400 people – today alone there were at least 2,500 people-and they ALL wanted to take the train!

We had a few hours to kill before we need to queue up for the train - so shopping. We went to the Mall of Norway! Seriously, that’s what it’s called. 2 Stores – OK, maybe 4 – I think it’s 4. They all had the same stuff. Down coats, sweaters, Viking shot glasses, refrigerator magnets- you get the idea. Nothing we would choose to purchase nor bring home. Shopping done, back on board – we’ll cool off a bit, grab some lunch and queue up for the train.



The scorching noonday sun beating down us all began to take its toll. HOT! But…this is Norway! It isn’t supposed to get this hot – at LEAST the mid 80’s, NO SHADE (on line). We were advised to bring water along with us on the train, because it isn’t air conditioned. UM, Say What? No A/C? Isn’t there some law? Are you serious? IT IS HOT! No air, no fan and a stuffed rail car full of sweating bodies. OH JOY, I can’t wait!

We met a VERY nice couple on the queue – Linda & Jim (originally from New York now living in Florida). Lovely couple – Suz & Deidre…they were on the same cruise with you through the St Lawrence River!!! ANYWAY…..we were getting on the train and from behind me comes this BIG BURLY German Tourist (I know because I understand Deutsch and he was speaking- yelling to his wife) – ANYWAY…he comes up from my left flank, hits me with his backpack which spins me around. REALLY? We will ALL get on the damned train. Calm Down before someone gets hurt. Linda, Jim & Christopher heard and saw what happened – I was (and am) fine. But…what a JERK!!

We found some nice seats, and Linda and Jim joined us – we chatted the 1 hour up and back – the ENTIRE TIME! Never a dull moment. We would chat shout out – OH LOOK- we’d get our phones out and take a picture. The waterfalls! OMG…the waterfalls. The homes. Seriously. HOMES up here. We all were a bit flummoxed by how some of these houses were perched along the ridge of the mountain…how were they built? Do they have electricity? What about plumbing? Is there a sewer? The house looks as if it is perched on SOLID GRANITE…I have questions. Perhaps this is where the $400 tour pays off. I’ll read a book to learn about it, thank you very much. Don’t have that kind of $$$ to burn.

The train is an excellent way to experience this particular Fjord, and it connects FLAM to Oslo…quite practical and eliminates multiple trains and cuts HOURS of travel. A single rail built in 1940 and opened in August of ’41. There is one section of the track where there are 2 lines – so they can run more than one train at a time. The uphill train must stop to wait for the downhill train to pass before both trains can continue on their journey.

I lost track of the number of waterfalls. By far, the most glorious, spectacular, majestic (here we go again) waterfall is the Kjosfossen Waterfall, which has a free fall of 305 feet. The train stops here (uphill & downhill) – there’s a platform which gets one rather close to the falls - and the accompanying mist. In this heat the mist was MOST WELCOMED! Christopher took a video of the falls – now why didn’t I think of that!? A few minutes into our stop music began to play and a woman dressed in red does a dance among the falls. I missed a good portion of that – no picture either. I was too busy looking at everything to notice a woman dancing about. When the song ends she “throws herself into the cascading water” (I don’t think so) – but that’s the legend. OK. Fine. A little poetic license never hurt anyone. Jumping into the falls – that’s another story!

We made a few stops along the way – and people actually got on and off – in the middle of NOWHERE, Norway! I can’t imagine living here. I’m a city boy – through and through! We arrived at the top. Did not get off the train. We did, however, cross the aisle to see the view from the other side. Again- breathtaking.

The downhill trip was MUCH faster…guess that’s because we were going downhill. DUH. We arrived back in Flam at the appointed hour. We said our goodbye’s to Linda & Jim (they went shopping) we took a walk to the beach. We got to the shoreline and stuck our hands into the frigid water, in which by the way many people were swimming. These people are NUTS!

By this point we were dripping wet with sweat, parched and ready for a nice cool dunk in the pool (OK…now I get it…with the swimmers that is). Up to the cabin, swimsuits on and out to deck 12 for the pool. OK….we have to shower before going into the pool – the shower poolside was BOILING HOT.I couldn’t take it. I did a twirl (NO COMMENTS) and then headed straight for the pool. It took a minute to regain my heart rhythm, but the cool pool water felt so wonderful against my skin.

At this point it was 3:30, and we are going to tea, so better get a move on. Tea was meh. Almost everything had walnuts. It was very, VERY heavy towards the chocolate flavor scale (meh) – I had a cookie, 2 raisin scones and a chocolate bomboloni. Meh.

Back to the room to chill off a bit. Did I mention it was a hot one today? We got out the Rummykub game and played a few games. The Captain started up the engines, and we started moving. We dumped the game and ran (well…almost…I am forbidden to run) back up to deck 14 so we can watch the sail away through the Fjord. There weren’t as many people as I thought on the decks. The sun was still high in the sky (5:30 sail away) but there was a nice breeze, so it really was quite comfortable. The view of the gorge was, well…gorgeous. Amazing to realize this was carved out by water over eons. Just. Spectacular.

We stayed on deck for about one hour then went down to the Terrace Café for dinner. We located a great table on the back deck – for two – and just watched the Fjord as we threaded our way through it. Now….I am NOT a fan of the Terrace café for dinner. People GET CRAZY! It’s like they think someone is stealing food from their mouths. THEY HAVE MORE! They can make more. GEESH. Calm down. There’s no rhyme nor reason to how the buffet “flows.” People just drop in like flies landing on dung. Turquoise Lady almost lost it when someone got to the creamed cucumber before she did (all I can say about that is YUK) – Perhaps sour cream and cucumber? NO WAY. Anyway – there was PLENTY, but someone MUST have got the exact piece of cucumber she so desperately wanted. Life is too short to worry about cucumber honey! That’s the most I’ve ever written cucumber in my life. I despise them! It. Just. Gets. Crazy.

Don’t even get me started about the desserts. MAD. DASH! Again…I just wanted to ask a question - did the cookies have nuts (not a fan, allergic to walnuts) – a woman swooped in and just started ordering the poor woman behind the counter to load up her plate. TRUST. ME…she didn’t need them. Bless her heart (whose arteries are probably clogged to within a hairs width). But, who am I to judge?! But judge I shall; particularly if I just want to ask a question (perhaps they should include ingredients – or highlight allergens, as they do on the menus in Oslo). Christopher got a Pistachio Pot du Crème (meh); I got Strawberry Ice Cream…I WON!. I was NOT in the mood to be social, and wouldn’t you know it – when Christopher was in getting something, the gentleman at the next table started up a conversation (UGH) they live in Pleasanton. OK. I was polite (to a point, they probably thought I was a rude prick…well, they may have a point). I just was NOT in the mood. Did I mention I’m not a fan of the Terrace Café?

I needed a cocktail. A REAL COCKTAIL. We got the rummykub game and went up to Horizons. SO…every day this week we have been the ONLY ones in Horizons. For some bloody reason – tonight there were about six couples in the room. I wanted a Manhattan. Carpano Vermouth and Rye Manhattan. WELL…you would have thought I asked for the keys to Buckingham Palace. We got a Knob Creek Bourbon and Martini & Rossi Vermouth Manhattan. MEH.

We played a few games of rummykub and GUESS WHO shows up?? NO, not Martha nor Helen. Turquoise Lady, her husband and two other couples. One of the guys was SO LOUD, and OF COURSE…they sat right behind us. THE ENTIRE ROOM…and they sit by us. WHY ARE YOU TESTING ME? I simply can’t handle this. The volume was untenable – they could be heard throughout the room. We played a few more games, then the conversation turned to politics. We left.

We came back to the room where I began to write and here I am still typing away. Unfortunately, that group left a foul taste in my mouth on what was a rather glorious day. Maybe it was just the Manhattan. Trust me – it was MEH!

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