Amsterdam 2013

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Last week I had a getaway in Amsterdam. This place has been on my todo list, as well as going to experience my favourite DJ live (Armin van Buuren). It just so happened that Armin’s new tour kicked off in Amsterdam and I decided to just go. The tickets to the event sold out over 6 months ago but I found a website where they were being sold second-hand. Much higher cost and not guaranteed to work, yet it was worth the risk. I ordered a ticket and when I saw the name on it was Roberto Carlos, I thought “well if this doesn’t work, I’ll just pretend I’m the Brazilian footballer and they’ll treat me like royalty”.

I’ve heard stories about Amsterdam, mainly about drugs and prostitution ... well actually that’s all I’ve heard. Bag packed, car parked and off I go to a land unknown to me ... whatever will the Etchy Boy Adventure bring?

When I arrived at Amsterdam Schiphol airport, I was interested to find there was no border control. Passengers went straight to baggage claim and straight out. There were customs officers standing around the exit door but they just watched everyone go through ... until it was my turn. Just another ‘random’ check.

Getting from the airport to the central train station was the 1st step. I went to catch the train and was delighted to see double-decker trains ... it’s the future there ... wowww. Once in the city centre, I ordered a 4-day travel pass (which wasn’t needed, it’s a very small city), got on a tram on my way to the brothel (more on that later) .... and immediately I fell in love with the city, the tram system and all the people ducking and diving through them, the beautiful buildings, the stunning girls, the sign of life. I guess it’s because it makes a change from the quiet beach life of Tavira.

I make it to my accommodation without any problems using a street map. This hostel used to be a brothel and it was very apparent from the inside. For example, lingerie hanging off the walls, shared dorm rooms with brothel-related themes, nude pictures on the bedroom walls, red velvet curtains on each bed to ‘hide’ what is happening. I just want to confirm, it was definitely a hostel, just didn’t feel like it ... but it was cool, I felt cosy which is important in the super-cold temperatures there now.

The 1st night I decided to venture out on foot as I usually like doing to get to know a place. I’d planned which walking routes I’d do each day to get to know the city, and by walking I realized how small a place it actually is. It was frosty cold that night yet I still saw people jogging post-midnight in this cosy neighbourhood I was staying in (my favourite part of Amsterdam, south of the centre). There were corner pubs with friendly vibes about them, stunning buildings, street lamps, parks ... I was breath-taken (that could have been to do with the cold).

The thing that will probably surprise visitors the most is the number of bikes on the roads. The majority of people ride bicycles and I’m talking milliooonnss and trilliioonnss of bikes. Cambridge is nothing compared to this. In the middle of the night people are trotting along on their 2 wheels ... I’m just walking by peacefully and every few seconds I’m hearing a “ching ching” behind me, and that’s the bicycle bells saying “get out of the way”. During the daytimes I found it difficult to navigate myself, I only just about got by avoiding cars and trams, but then I’m getting hit by bikers left, right and centre. They jump onto the pavements ... and even motorcycles. I’ve seen many cops riding their motors on pavements.

Food is quite expensive in Amsterdam, eating out especially unless you’re into junk food. Being a city of tourists, there are fast food places all over and it’s quite disappointing when your options are chips, burgers, pizzas and so on. In fact I saw something new ... takeaways where on the side walls they have loads of little cabinets with windows, and rather than ordering at the checkout, you slot money into these cabinets and out pops a ready-made burger. Great idea. I’m quite avid in watching what I eat and how much ... 6 decent small meals throughout the day. I continued with this pattern for the 1st day, then realized it wasn’t sustainable. Let’s take an example: a burger, fries and coke ... approx €4 ... a fruit/veg salad ...approx €12. Do that 6 times a day and it’s craaayyy, so I crossed over to the dark side of junk food and reduced my meal count from 6 to 3. I experienced MacDonald’s again after a long time (and fyi they make you pay to enter the toilets in MacDonald’s ... actually everywhere in Amsterdam).

A visit to Amsterdam isn’t a visit to Amsterdam without checking out the red light district. I’d seen this on TV many years ago so had an idea about it. What I wasn’t expecting was that this place is the same day or night ... it was fascinating. Along with the coffee shops where you smoke cannabis (disclaimer: I didn’t enter any as I'm not a smoker), there were streets of sex-related activities such as live erotic shows, prostitutes on display in windows, peep shows, condom shops, stripteases, etc etc. During my visit I navigated to the red light area a few times at different times of the day to experience the differences ... and I didn’t find any. Even at midday walking to the train station I’m passing by windows with naked girls blowing kisses and making actions like they want to suck me off ... so many people just pass by and continue on as normal, mother’s pushing their prams, people running to catch their trains ... it’s part of the normality of the city.

Prostitution is legal in Amsterdam as long as you are licensed and have a red light on above your window indicating to the public that there’s a naked chick there ... however if you’re not from the EU then you can’t get a job doing this as work permits for prostitution are non-existent. The 1st time I was here I decided to do some window shopping (not to actually go in, but to see what it’s about and how the girls are). To be honest, not many of them were attractive, so many overweight, in their forties and not the nicest of faces. Having said that, along some more ‘dodgy’ looking streets there were stunners ... but with obvious cosmetic enhancements (which I’m not a fan of ... small and natural much better than pimped out cartoon breasts). When I say ‘dodgy’ streets I mean that the main streets with window girls are gateways throughout the city centre and you can walk by eyeing up the candy and pretend you’re just getting from A to B (which is what I did, expect I was going from A to B to A to B to C to B to A), however the smaller side streets are wide enough for just 1 or 2 people full of red-lit windows and it’s obvious if you go down here that you either want some action or are a tourist keen to see what’s going on. It was very normal for guys to be walking in and out of these apartments and nobody caring so much, it wasn’t ‘taboo’ and was part of the norm there ... even in the daytime you’d walk by and the naked girls will be on the street negotiating prices with a punter ... very different yet very fascinating. On one occasion I even saw an old couple (most likely married and in their 70s) go into one, the woman could barely walk yet I can imagine she’d be skipping out afterwards.

The naughtiest things I did in the red light area were: a) I went to an erotic museum to check out art over the past century and b) I tried this peep show place, purely for curiosity. It’s like an arcade type place except when you enter you have a load of cubicles in a big circle. When the light above the door is red, it’s occupied ... when it’s green it’s free. I was watching people, debating whether to try it ... and then I did. I walked into a green-lit room and locked the door. It’s a tiny cubicle like where you take a passport photo. In front is a window and to the right a slot machine. I put 2 Euros in and boom, my window came to life ... I saw a couple having sex in the middle and I could see all the other cubicles and people’s faces staring at the show and at each other. 2 Euros lasts 2 minutes and throughout the day there are different performers. Across from me I could see the face in the cubicle looking like he was getting rather excited ... defo don’t want to be standing in that cubicle afterwards. There were as many girls as guys going into these cubicles tho, it was a fun experience. That was about as crazy as my antics went .... many years ago I’d have had more stories but I have fundamental rules and processes I live by now.

My hostel/brothel had a communal area downstairs which was cosy and a good place to hang out before going to sleep. I noticed something this time as I expected to be mingling with travellers like I did in Morocco. Not the case ... here people were just too shy to talk. Everybody wants to converse and mingle, even introverts, and usually it takes somebody to kick-start it off. Here we had a room with individuals sat around and nobody talking to each other .... until I came along. I decided to use the kitchen and the spices I found there to cook some saag/aloo for people. Actually I only offered it to the girls as I wasn’t too interested in chitchatting with the guys that night (they looked morbid, leave them be), but it was a great icebreaker and like I said ... it just takes somebody to get the ball rolling then people talk and start joining in and feel more comfortable around each other ... never underestimate the flirting power of Spinach (as long as it’s not stuck between teeth, doesn’t go down too well).

After 2 nights I needed to switch hostels as I only booked 2 nights initially. I do 1 or 2 nights to get a feel for a place before deciding to stay on, yet this place was the shiznit so was booked up rapidly. I moved a few km away into a big hotel near a park. Oh man, it cost more but it was sheeeiiittee. Ok, so I land there and check in. The guy on desk asks for my ID to get my name, then goes through his paperwork to pull out my reservation. I’m looking at it thinking “who the feck is Arthur? My name is Ehtsham” ... so I tell him that’s not me. He then looks back and forth between paper and my ID, then says “here we are Arthur” ... whaaatt? So I pulled the paperwork from his hand and found mine and gave it to him, then he realized I wasn’t Arthur and chuckled. This kept going on tho, for example paying a key deposit and getting the wrong change back, looking at my 50 cents coin and saying it’s a 20, and so on. Totally lost the plot this dude, but he assured me my room had a hot shower. What he failed to tell me was that I’m in an 8-bed dorm and the bathroom door doesn’t close, and if you try to bang it shut you won’t be able to open it again as the handle is broke and it’s a one-way trip. So yes I had a hot shower, but it meant getting butt-naked in open view of everyone else. Nobody else used the shower there but I did each morning ... didn’t give a monkeys, I must get clean and warm, watch me if you want.

Friday night was the 1st of 2 nights when DJ Armin van Buuren would play his new show. What a surreal experience, this guy is a genius and I’ve had a lot of respect for his hard work for the past 15 years. I got to the venue early in case I wasn’t the only one who was sold this Roberto Carlos ticket ... at least if I’m first the bar code will work for me. I was on the dance floor early and waiting around in excitement. By 10pm the room was filled. Upstairs there were seats as this is used as a theatre too. For the first couple of hours the peeps upstairs were just sat there looking miserable whereas we were having a blast downstairs. Eventually as the night went on (and the drinks kicked in), they were off their butts upstairs too. Oh man, I managed to get a spot right at the front, but failed to realize that I’m next to the speakers, and these speakers are the only things blasting the sound throughout the entire venue ... unreal loudness and I didn’t break protecting earplugs ... this sh!t’s dangerous, learn for next time as 8 hours in front of this defo didn’t do me any good. I actually have some attenuating earplugs which I bought after having the same issues DJing in Tavira, but I forgot I had them. They’re great as they don’t destroy the sound ... all frequencies get through but quieter. In my corner I got to know my clan ... people tend to dance with and get to know the people around them. Very long dancing away for 8 hours but what an amazing experience, being with fellow trance lovers ... the beats about to drop and you make eye contact with someone else and you all smile and jump around in unison ... it’s not a common genre people listen to so finding others who feel what I feel is rare. Here I was in a room full of people who came from all over the world just to witness the artist and the music ... beautiful.

In Amsterdam there’s the underground, buses, trams, taxis and ferry. The ferry runs 24 hours from the mainland to provide easy access to other areas and it’s a free service provided by GVB, the transport company for the city. I discovered my favourite place and went to it a few times, called the ‘Eye’ ... a cinema with restaurant and art exhibition centre with loads of funky things to do. On my last night I watched a movie here as it was the Animation Festival this same week and they had some great shows on. It is an amazing place to relax, with an open-plan restaurant/cafe, people sitting on the stairs having coffee and cake, tables with people making sock-puppets, dressed up cartoon characters parading around, cartoon quizzes with teams, all sorts of fun. The cinema rooms are pretty big too, and I decided to go to the back row and found in delight a sofa bed which I claimed ... peeps can sit down further below, I’ll just lie here in style and unwind. Actually the vibe here was so different to a standard cinema and the clientele was more sophisticated ... at the end when the movie finished people continued to sit in silence and appreciate the credits and those involved in making the movie, then when that was over everyone applauded, and then left. True appreciation right there, I loved it .... lying on my sofabed.

On my way home that night it was quite late and I needed food, and of course all I’m going to get is junk food, so off I went to this halal takeaway I saw. I ordered a mixed grill, thinking at least I can keep my protein levels up. This actually cost more than a healthy meal, and it was rather filling as it was for 2. To be honest generally I didn’t find the food that tasty in takeaways, pretty bland ... even fries were useless. It could be because my taste buds are different now as I’d rather suck on a sliced carrot than lick a fried potato. Interestingly enough, while I was eating this mixed grill, I was watching Geordie Shore on TV ... couldn’t help thinking “is this really our nation?”

The next day I packed up as my trip was over, including packing up my vacuum-packed goats cheese I purchased from the cheese museum. I left for the airport, deciding to walk by the red light area towards the train station for some more ‘window shopping’, then realized I had an hour left for my train. As I hadn’t actually had any coffee in Amsterdam, this was the perfect time. I got on a ferry back to the Eye and ordered a cappuccino. Then to the airport and back home to Portugal. Again, I was surprised to see no border control, this time I went straight through and out. Is this a new thing? There weren’t even electronic passport control booths, nada ... you just leave.

I’d like to witness Amsterdam in the summer, especially near the canals. I may return in July for the Luminosity trance festival.

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