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Published: August 20th 2013
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Bubbles
Bubbles the attack swan Amsterdam and “Bubbles” the Attack Swan When you hear a bike bell, you dive out of the way! That should be the first thing that anyone should learn about a visit to Amsterdam. Almost all of the locals ride their bike everywhere they go and the whole city is set up with an excellent system of bike paths. Make no mistake however. These bike paths are for bikes, not meandering tourist. Once you embrace that idea, Amsterdam is a wonderful city to explore.
For our stay in Amsterdam, we rented a houseboat. Michelle had the idea and to be honest, I didn’t care one way or the other. I didn’t like that houseboat rentals cost a bit more but I ultimately just wanted Michelle happy. It turned out to be one of the best decisions of our whole trip. Amsterdam has always been about its canals, so you feel so connected to the city when you stay on the water. After a full day of exploring, we would return to our houseboat, put on some jazz, drink wine, and watch the various boats glide by, out of the sliding glass doors that opened directly onto the canal.
We
really enjoyed the various water fowl that would come up to the sliding glass doors and visit us, for the most part. We had been warned that the swans on the canal would aggressively seek food if you leave the sliding glass doors open, to the point of inviting themselves into your houseboat. We laughed the whole thing off until we met Bubbles.
Bubble’s was a troubled young swan, who grew up on the wrong side of the canal. It was said that he had made his living by fighting in the swan pits of Siberia. Rumor had it that the knife he carried was made from the tusk of his first opponent, a walrus. That was the same knife he pulled on us one evening as we returned to our rented floating home.
We had spent the day on a bus tour of the northern part of the Netherlands, doing what every good tourist does, listening to our tour guide and snapping pictures of anything that would stay still long enough. We visited an area that we could photograph windmills and took the appropriate one hundred picture minimum. We visited a wooded shoe makers shop and bought
wooden shoes, which we figured would be extremely practical for living in Los Angeles. For our last stop, we visited a cheese factory in Marken. Little did we know that the cheese we purchased in the gift shop there, would save our lives on our return to the houseboat.
As we went down the ramp leading from the shore to our houseboat, I caught the sight of a flurry of feathers out of the corner of my eye. It was just enough time for me to get one of the wheels of cheese up to defend myself. Bubble’s knife streaked through the night air and embedded itself into a wheel of goat’s milk pesto cheese we had purchased, barely missing my heart by inches. I yelled for Michelle to run for the door as I twisted the wheel of cheese around to sink the knife deeper into the cheese, allowing myself a chance to escape. We could hear the jeers of the other swans as they cheered Bubbles on. Seeing Michelle get safely inside, I jumped for the door, grasping the edge of the boat and hanging on for dear life. I pulled myself up to the deck, fell
Us
Lance and Michelle chasing windmills through the front door, and lay there gasping on the front of the boat like Martin Sheen in “Apocalypse Now.” The horror. The horror.
Once inside, we made ourselves comfortable and laid out a buffet to eat from the safety of our living room. We positioned ourselves in front of the sliding glass doors in full view of Bubbles and his gang. We knew that we might only be making matters worse but the adrenaline rush was still pumping through our veins and it seemed like a really good idea at the time. Bitter in their defeat, Bubbles and his gang swam off into the setting sun, eating the cheese from around his knife in order to free it.
Amsterdam is a romantic place, filled with beauty and history. The people embrace an openness to their life style that accepts all people from every walk of life. There’s a tranquility in the air as you stroll around the canals. The people are tall and beautiful, the cuisine wonderfully eclectic, and the city embodies everything that you could hope for in a utopia. Just look out for Bubbles.
*Authors note: The story of Bubbles may have
been greatly embellished for entertainment purposes.
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kjunqween
non-member comment
BUBBLES 4 EVER
I can't wait to visit Amsterdam now. I hope you haven't scared Bubbles off forever.