pidgeon poop

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Okay, so I'm in venice right now. i wrote about my trip to berlin and poznan and the preceeding weeks but i wont be able to post it for a few days because its on my friends computer saved and it would take a lot of time to rewrite.

My second week of spring break I've been with one other girl from my study tour and classes and myself. My first week was just with my medical class seeing autopsies, holding brains, totally normal things. :o) I loved Rome and am just starting to explore Venice. Both cities have been breathtaking. As I was staring at the colloseum under the setting sun, it reminded me of a backdrop from some picturesque setting. haha.

The person I asked to travel with me, I asked during the first few weeks of DIS. It was a bad decision. I've been getting increasingly frustrated. She contributes so little to conversation that people I did hang out with have left me on the previous study tour and appologized later, saying they just couldn't take her. I completely understand. So far, I have had to choose where we go, when we go, find the way there, ask if there is ever a problem, choose where to eat-everything. I'm not ready for a child, Im in college. I did an experiment on Capital Hill in the museum. I simply walked between a 3 yard wide arch 3 times (back and forth= 1) just to see if she would be right on my heals- yup- bumping into me everytime and everything. If she ever stops to look at something on the street and I go to the next store, within seconds I can hear her zippers clingy as she runs to catch up to me- fearing I might leave her side or something. If i take a picture, she does. if i pee, she does. I just dont know what to do. I tried to put it nicely, telling her I really enjoy looking at art and museums alone because its such a personal experience, she agreed (big surprise). I've even sat down at a church, head bowed, eyes closed, hands clasped- she came and sat down beside me and started talking. So, besides the fact that if i didn't let this out I would probably self destruct in five minutes, it has taught me a lot about myself: I like, and enjoy, solitude. I like admiring great feats in silence in order to absorb as much as possible- to try to place myself inside the artist or the time period and be taken in by it. I like quite reflection and have greatly underestimated it. The only time I was alone was when I asked to walk around St. Peters Basillica by myself (this wasnt the only time i asked to be alone- just the only time my wish was respected). It was so moving, I continually had tears in my eyes. As the organ started to play while I was looking at this giant bronze relief across from the Pieta in the early morning when no crowds had I arrived and the sun was rising over the vatican, I realized how fortunate I was just to be able to go to Rome and experience it all, to experience one of the greatest, if not the greatest, cathedral ever built. such an overwhelming spiritual presence was about. ahhh wonderful. Contrary to the constant flashes of camera against the sistine chapel wall, this was peaceful-perfect-and only could be experienced in solitude. I also have a strong desire for conversation. I was worried earlier my talkativeness was only an urge to kill silence- I have no problem being silent now. I realize i wanted to provoke conversation as well (still probably the awkward silence a little). I dont want to share just about myself; i need something in return. I also realized i have more patience than I ever thought possible. Normally, I would just blow up at a person and tell them exactly what I think. But i dont really have that option now. While im so frustrated, the fact that I am currently only with one person forces me to anticipate and respond to their emotions as well. Its enough to remind me that two sad people can make a trip worse than one and everyones feelings should be respected- regardless of how much time you are with them. And while I do think its important to speak your mind, Im sure theres a much more appropriate way of getting ones point across- I just wish i could find it.

Moving on, I have started comparing every country Ive visited to copenhagen. it really has become a home to me. i love the sounds and the atmosphere, contrary to the touristy and often dirty streets of berlin and rome, though the history is better in these places. I guess it doesnt mean one is better than the other, but i really do appreciate copenhagen more and it has taught me to appreciate other countries more. for instance, in copenhagen, you can rarely see the sun. it just doesnt come out but a few times a month in the winter. i can not express how much it has meant to me to see the sun set and rise in rome over the spanish steps, colloseum, and grand canal in venice. it takes my breath away each time and my grin goes from ear to ear. even if its dirty or smells, i love taking each city in and really developing a sense of their culture. its unfortunate that i havent been able to go out on the town as much as i have wanted to. i feel like i dont have time to learn the people, to learn what each city is really like. so far, i still only know copenhagen. and maybe its that experience that makes a place home. maybe that is why wiesbaden and copenhagen are still my favorite cities. home is what you know, but you cant know anything without company. so while i want my solitude for reflection, i have a strong desire for intimacy as well. i just want a balance.

even excluding natural beauty, I never had realized until now just how much I take for granted in america. Nothing is free in any of these cities and prices, with the exception of the beautiful poznan, just keep going up. i miss target, wheat thins, and free refills. theres so much availability in america. everything is easily accessible (if you dont rely on public transportation). i think what i miss more than anything is toilet seats- i never realized they were a commodity. but it has all really help me appreciate each little things. i was sooooo happy today when i found a bathroom with a toilet seat and soap. all those little things...

i also have a lot of ideas for Si and for my project and im getting so excited about it. im trying to observe the way museums place their art so as to find some kind of way to organize my pictures coherently. i had more to say but someone beside me at the hostel just said their from atlanta, and their brother is a junior at wofford.... small world. okay, times up. ill try to write more soon. these countries just make the world so much more enlightening.

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