I'll just keep my fingers crossed and hope.

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I'm making some time today. I just got a 15 hour/week job teaching English. I'm feeling better right now-but no telling how I'll feel 10 hours from now. My moods vary wildly from day to day and sometimes hour to hour. I have been really depressed for a while and I have really felt like crumpling under the stress. I have been homesick, angst ridden, and frustrated. Ry has been frustrated and frequently grumpy, and scared of trying to talk to people. It's hard. It's funny cause we send out these emails to our list of friends saying how hard it is and how stressed out we are, and they write back saying "glad to hear things are going so well, you're really living the dream."

People don't want to believe that we are absolutely MISERABLE!!!! Fucking everything is Hard with capital H. Even the surfaces. I've broken so many damned glasses since my arrival. Like 8
of them. And you can't do ANYTHING over the phone. You HAVE to go in person to find out anything or do anything.

But, things are getting easier--no, not easier, but things are falling into place bit by bit. Ry is now an Irish citizen and should have his passport in a couple weeks. I will be able to stay riding on his citizenship through a paper wedding. I have one job close by, one at home, and an interview tomorrow. Ry started his new job yesterday. Things are looking up. If our house were only rented I would be another woman. Then I would know I could stay. Then I would relax. Then I would buy a television and a gym membership. But, bit by bit as I said. I'll just keep my fingers crossed and hope.

It's really scary. We have relied so much upon luck. And we've had it. Really really good luck. But, this is the hardest thing I've ever done. It's probably for the best that I didn't know what it would feel like because I might never have done it otherwise.

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