Teary Morning

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Day 5.

So I can't seem to get up anymore. Second day I've woken up way too late. I heard my alarms but didn't hit snooze, and turned them off instead. I rushed to dress put on make up...RAN to meet my group by 9:45 after waking up at 9:42...was out the door by 9:47 and ran to the reception office. No one there but I saw a bus across the street but it wasn't our bus. I ran back across the street wondering if I was supposed to be at the Village Hall (a general use building) and as I crossed the street I watched a bus pull out of the Village and I recognized my girls 😞 I tried waving but to no avail. I walked back to my room with tears welled up in my eyes. I knew it was my fault and there was nothing I could do about it. I started to cry but my throat being so scratchy I had to resist.

I remember that Elaine had given us her mobile and I frantically searched for it which I could not find at first and was near about bursting into tears. FOUND IT! Called her and said I missed the walking tour, but if I met her at Penney's (a store in the center of the city) she couldl give me lunch money and I could still go the Hunt's museum. So I'm going to do that. I have to meet her at 11:40 which means I have to walk a ways to the nearest bus stop and then ride it into town. I'll probably have to leave here very shortly to make sure I don't mess up again. Although this time we have our #'s in each other's phones so hopefully I won't miss the bus again.

I don't know why I'm all upset about it. Part of it is because I really did want to go. Part of it is I hate being alone away from home. Part of it was that I remember this feeling before back in high school when adults and peers left me and a friend at a restraunt in an unfamiliar city alone and we weren't found for nearly 2 hours.

It's my fault. I didn't wake up. I haven't made friends like I guess I should. I can't seem to get it right whenever I transition.

Part of the problem is I don't go out at night enough. I don't stay at drinking parties or pubs. Many of the girls I am with are under 21 so I am sure being able to drink as much as you want whenever you want really has enticed them and I don't mind alcohol or people enjoying it. I like the occasional drink myself and I knew it was a huge part of this culture when I came. I was highly aware. I just thought I'd find one even American who would go home early with me if I wanted to or would enjoy a night of movies over a night of beers. Have yet to be seen.

I came to the wrong city, country, place. I'm the girl I met at UTA at a SA orientation and she said she was going to India but didn't like spicy food, curry, or hot weather. I'm the girl who went to Ireland and doesn't get drunk. why did I want to come here again? It was a dumb idea now it feels. All the girls in my crew have clicked. What happened with me? It's high school all over again it seems. I could gladly go home now. I am ready. I've experienced the culture and it clearly is a mixture between oil and water for me. I just can't seem to get into the drinking. I want to go home and enjoy the mildness of 6th street. Austinites have nothing on the Irish when it comes to drinking.

It's my fault. I made my mistake to come to a country where drinking is what it really is all about for students anyway. I can't fix it now. All I can do is ride out my 15 weeks of consequences and hope to survive being the one person in Ireland who's never been drunk.

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Comments

[Kathie]

Give it some time
Kara, You haven't made a mistake. Give it a little time and I think you will find that your outlook on Ireland will improve. You are a sweet, kind girl and I think the others in your crew will see that soon enough. You don't have to drink to have a good time. I am certain that you will find plenty of others things to do in Ireland besides drinking and you will find others who share the same interests. Hang in there. You are just in the adjustment period. Love you.........Kathie

[LeAnn]

Beeee Your Self
Hey Girl, Don't be so hard on yourself, you are having the chance of a life time please try and enjoy it, don't beat yourself up when you make a mistake everyone does and you're in a new country, new culture and so there is going to be some adjusting to be had, give yourself time to adjust. You're probably still suffering from jetlag. Maybe one night try it like the others stay out a little later or suggest a movie one night instead of drinking, throw out options I have faith in your girl! You're only on day 5, just breathe babe and pray when you get all jumbled... Love ya! Have a good rest of your Saturday!!!

[Paiul]

There HAS to be more to it than students getting drunk? It is still early days and aren't more students due to arrive? Not every student drinks to excess. Maybe because it's still orientation week and people are getting settled in, they're enjoying the freedom while they can and because it's all new. Hang on in there. There will be more bonding once classes start :)

[Amberlee]

I am sending many hugs your way girlie! I know you will find friends very soon, (if you haven't already, havent read your other posts yet..) because you are just too much of an amazing person not too! I think it is great that you arent giving into the culture there and going out and getting trashed every night. I am praying for you girlie!