I Lost my Heart in Budapest

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So it has taken me some time to work up the perfect way to retell the following story. Before proceeding, I must admit there is something of an embellishment at work in this recount. I refuse to let the embarrassment of the story fully come out in the light, and I am certain my fellow colleagues would agree with me. The actual story is so surreal that it felt like fiction, so for that I prefer to tell this, as a mother would read to her young child, going off to sleep in a comfortable bed.

Once upon a time, there was a young traveler named Andrew. Andrew traveled far and wide and one day landed himself in the country of Hungary in a big town known today as: Budapest. Budapest was a magical and wonderful place full of strip clubs, bars, go-go dancers as far as the eye could see.
One night Andrew and his 2 friends were walking up and down the street and to their delight, along came 2 beautiful Croatian girls. They were funny and loved to party, everything a young man the age of 23 could ask for in a girl from the former Yugoslavia. It was as if the gods had placed him there to give Andrew a wonderful night he would not soon forget.
The 2 girls were looking for a place to drink and hopefully have sexual relations, or so Andrew had hoped at least. He had heard traveler’s tails of the Budapest. Storied of mystical brothel’s and female’s looking for any sort of attention they could find. Andrew felt the need to oblige such needs for them. So, off they all went, in search of epic adventures drowned in Hungarian moonshine.
Up they all went to an elevator that brought them to a lavish restaurant with a Latin theme. Very Spanish if you ask me, the décor was marked by roses and pictures of Pancho Villa (ok it wasn’t Pancho, but you get the idea, it was a “south of the border venue).
For reasons that do not pertain to the story directly, Andrew had been in a shaky mood on this particular evening. So he obviously began drinking early, and aggressively. He took on a whole bottle quickly and, as usual for such occasions, blacked out on site.
The net morning, he awoke on the floor of a hostel wearing a shirt for pants and began to chuckle. "Where did everyone go and what happened last night" he wondered.
Unfortunately, Andrew had a condom on him still indicating he did not have sexual relations... protected sexual relations at least.
His friends found Andrew 20 minutes later and they appeared to be pissing themselves laughing... clearly something had gone wrong. Mother of God “what have I done now,” Andrew fearfully inquired.
After a quick screwdriver (Andrew is an alcoholic of sorts) he asked for an explanation.
As it turned out, Andrew got a bit rowdy at the table and ordered a bunch of shots and a bottle of wine... he even got up and tried to sing with the singer of the restaurant. He was asked to leave promptly for what was a clear public disturbance.
When the bill came, all hell broke loose on this quaint little eatery in Hungary. The group was surprised to find out that the wine bottles had cost the equivalent of 100 US dollars and Andrew had ordered over 200 dollars in shots. Mother fucker.
It became clear that the restaurant was a sketchy operation that sucked in tourists and took them for whatever they were worth at that time.
To make matters worse, the girls claimed to have no money at the time, and it was quickly realized that they had been working for the restaurant to suck them all in. Well nice job girls, you win. And the academy award goes to… O my God I can’t believe it: the two Croatian whores from Zagreb for their performance in: “Fools Rush In,” congratulations girls come on down and get your prize… bitches.
Well as it came to pass Andrew did not like that one bit, oh not one bit at all. His intoxication levels skyrocketed as he yelled at the waiters and banged on the table. Taking one last shot, he forcibly entered an ATM and took out 400 dollars to pay the bill.
After a few final drunken words were stammered in the general direction of the waitress’s, he left with the girls.
Out on the street things heated up, and not in the good way like when one is playing NBA jam.
From an outsiders point of view it would have appeared that Andrew was a mugger. He looked particularly drunk and was not walking or talking straight. The curses that were released from his vodka soaked lips definitely earn this story the R rating (in theatres everywhere August 2010) and he was clearly loosing control, as were his companions.
It was right around this point that he vomited on the sidewalk a bit and proceeded to grab for the girls purses. I mean, that’s not really theft is it? Trying to mug someone who robbed you? I guess it is a philosophical question as old as time. However, while scholars sit in rooms discussing the ramifications of the Mugger’s Dilemma, Andrew put it into practice. Failure.
An old woman shouted in the distance. She obviously thought a robbery was in progress. Andrew then got a bit nervous. As he and his friends reached out one more time for a girl, trying to get back at least some money, or dignity, they let out a few final choice words, jumped in a cab, and were never seen or heard from again.
This led to another brief vomit session and his friends then led off Andrew.
He refused to go home, punched a wall and, like a 4 year old with a temper tantrum, ran into the only place he cud find solace... a strip club. Legend has it that the boys spent the rest of the night there, trying to salvage what they could out of the land called Budapest.

The three amigo’s stumbled home after reeking some havoc on random cones and obstacles that might have crossed their path of destruction. People in Budapest today claim that the story is a tall tail; a myth that is only whispered among passing travelers in pubs throughout the country.
However others will tell you that on dark nights in February, if you walk by "Gigi's" bar and strip club and listen closely; you can still here the agonizing screams of a lost battle on the breeze.
And that kids, is the story of how Andrew and his two good friends lost over 400 dollars, 5 hours, and all their dignity in the mystical land of Budapest.

All that aside, Budapest truly is a fantastic place to visit. The sights there are incredible. One day, we were walking along the freeway and came across a truly amazing cave. It wasn’t just a cave either, within it was built a little chapel for Church services. Built into the solid rock wall, the cave gave the Church a very ancient feel to it. I thought it was awesome.
After that, we climbed up a mountain that overlooked the entire city and were presented a truly amazing view of both Buda and Pest. Fun fact for you, Budapest is actually comprised of 2 cities: Buda and Pest, put them both together and what do you have? That’s right campers: Budapest! Now you know, and knowing is half the battle.
On top of the mountain as well were these old Soviet Union anti-aircraft cannons. We all took turns sitting in them while snapping off sick photos. It was a blast! Then I made myself an awesome spontaneous purchase. We were in this small little unknown shop, and the guy behind the counter started talking with me. As we talked about the Communist Revolution in Russia, my eyes caught a row of pocket watches. The guy told me all about the watches and I walked away with one when the day was over. It’s pretty sick.
So that night, it was time to redeem ourselves for the previous nights debacle. This was going to take something great.
So we started to pregame out at a few random Hungarian pool halls, and then we made our way into the center of the beautiful city.
At first, I am not going to lie that I did despair. It looked as though no one was partying, and I have always heard crazy party stories about Budapest. I was disappointed until, we entered the subway. Once down there, we ran across massive groups of kids getting drinks and heading out a different exit. So, as a true group of traveling global students, we followed the crowd. What came next was amazing.
The crowds all gathered at a place called “The Hovel.” It was an underground club that stretched out under a small man made pond. This meant that in the club itself, if you look up, all you see is the water above you. It was awesome. You know what else is awesome? One Euro beer night is awesome, and we were there for that. It was going to be a drunken evening if we had anything to say about it.
So, the liquor started flowing and, just as my heart was beginning to warm up to the Euro beers, on came my first ever experience with a Hungarian hard rock band.
This band was awesome too. They even incorporated a violin into their performance which gave the music a very “eastern bloc” feel to it. The three of us had an amazing time getting wasted and jumping up and down in the mosh pit. Good times all around. When it was all over, we even went up and talked to the band members and slurred at them in our drunken language they didn’t really understand. Nice guys though.
We were luckily able to find our way home and passed out in the hostel for the night.
The next morning, we did some more sightseeing of some castles and such and then it was about that time to head to the train station.
Besides having to deal with the Hungarian mafia doing all sorts of sketchy transactions around us (which included one guy running out of the main station with a arm full of stolen goods), it went smoothly and we made it home to Vienna that night.

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Comments

[Brigette]

lol!!
Brilliant!!!!