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Published: December 28th 2007
Leaving Ulm
In a thick fog... but everything was pretty frozen - which looked really prettyAbout 11 years ago, Raphael and ... god, that other little french dude - what's his name?? - bah - About 11 years ago Raphael and Raphael's french friend used to tease me coz I spent one morning (okay maybe like 15 mornings) listening to (well... watching) the song 'Wannabe' from the Spice Girls. It was like nothing I had ever seen - they were just so cool, so different, and whilst I didn't think it then, Sporty was just so damn HOT!!!
Anyway, the teasing was totally justified as I was like 16 at the time, far too old for infatuations with pop groups... I should have been locking myself in my room with a good dose of Tism or Rage Against The Machine like all self respecting teenagers.
Now, the crowds that I move in - you know that type (yay that type!) have been uber excited most of the year after hearing that THE most awesome band - THE Beatles of my generation - were reforming for one 'best of' album, and one kick arse, effing world tour!!!!! I was relatively excited (the peak of my excitement came when Josh made me watch their
new film clip on youtube and I saw Geri's abs - holy crap balls) but the tour schedule had them coming only to Sydney and most likely in January 2008 - so, as I knew I would be in Germany in January 2008 - no spice girls for me... oh well, it's only like if John and George weren't dead, and they got together with Paul and Ringo for one last tour and you couldn't make it - no biggie...
Until I met Amy. We were painting banners in the Queerspace for our speakout, and Jordan brought along her friend Amy for a visit, as with any bunch of gay boys, eventually someone brought up the Spice Girls, and how excited they were about the tour when Amy says that she's going and that she hasn't been able to get rid of her spare ticket - apparently Germans aren't that into the group... and I was like "what? - Germany? When?? Where?? How much??"
I found out that Amy was also spending her hols in Europe and had learned that the Spice Girls were having a show in Koeln (or Cologne) in Germany and she was
2 Become 1
ooh - feathers! gonna head in for it, and she's bought an extra ticket figuring that she'd be able to make some extra cash (a good plan, German's are an odd people however). They were playing on the 20th of December... Two days before Warren and Christine were heading down to Oberstaufen... and in Koeln - a town only three hours by train away from Ulm. I was so so in! And so so freaking excited!!
So, that is the backstory - on the 20th of December, I packed my bag and jumped aboard a train to Koeln... after a few minor dramas, I eventually made it there, jumped on the UBahn and met up with Amy at the hostel. She gave me my ticket - she had bought tickets 13 and 14 - how effing cool is that? and we bolted out the door and towards destiny!!!!
Then we spent some time looking for a cab to take up to our destiny... But eventually, we arrived at Koeln Arena, and found the door for the standing admissions. We were pretty close to the front - maybe 13 people back... 10 after Amy forged us forward a bit. At
fek yes!
Oh my god... she was just... oh my god... i totally heart Sporty!! one stage we realised just how short Aussies are compared to Germans, but I think we ended up behind a group of brits or something coz our view was pretty awesome.
We were so excited... i had this feeling like my 16 year old self was wetting herself in excitement! And we got there like over an hour early (at about 6:40 and they were to start at 8pm) so we waited... we smoked, got 'talked to' by serious German men who didn't like people smoking near him (though like everyone else was doing it) drank beer... pushed further forward... and then 8pm cam by...
And went by... we waited still - I've gotta say though, LOVED their opening act.. a couple of screens playing dance music for a couple of hours - absolute genius!!!
So.. It was nearly 9... we were thinking that Geri must have been engaged in a hair-pulling contest backstage with Scary and Posh when suddenly... They play the third coolest song of all time - Don't stop till you get enough by Michael Jackson - the first highlight of the night!! And soon after... the crowd goes wild, the
Have watch, will wank
This WANKER!!! everyone else was holding up cameras, or phones, or whatever... this dick chose to wave around this massive fek-off paper bag! and his watch was ugly and large... screens light up... drums start beating.... when ... na na nah nanana na na nah!!! Spice up your life!!!! Five figures rise from the floor to become silhouettes against the massive screens and then - all of a sudden THE effing SPICE GIRLS are on the stage.
I seriously thought 'that's not them, this is so fake!' but it was totally real - THE spice girls!!! In the same room (okay arena) as me! Not 15 meters away!
Now excuse me while I go on and on about something - this just needs to be said.... ar rather asked... How freaking hot is Sporty? Seriously, I mean, I know like every dykeling had their little Mel C crush once upon a time, but seriously - if this concert did nothing else, it totally confirmed that I am so gay, I am so gay for Mel C!!! And god, she is so good in concert - like she was rocking the house! She was like the boss out there, always striking the pose and hyping up the crowd... Is that enough gushing?
I love her...
So... I don't want to talk about it
too much and ruin stuff for people if they're gonna see them in Australia, but on the other hand I do really want to talk about it and don't really car if you are gonna see them in Australia, so if you don't want to read what's in between the ****** lines, then that's up to you...
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Okay, so first up was 'Spice up your life' which... well, I never like it when it came out, as it was a little too camp, but now - I love all things camp, and I love this song, and well sir, it rocked!!
Then the spice boys - their dancers - came on for 'stop right now' which... was awesome (just so we're clear, every song was awesome, and I am going to say that for each one - alles clar?)
Then was 'say you'll be there' for which they all split up and ran around different bits of the stage - Posh spent heaps of time on our side and you know what? She's actually okay - like she acted nice and really friendly to the crowd - and she sung surprisingly well - oh
It's raining men!
if I look anywhere near as good as this when I am forty... well, it's never gonna happen, so no need to finish writing that... shutting up now... they all sung - like it was totally live, and it totally rocked, especially (need I say?) Sporty - she rocked, though she always has all the best lines anyway...
Then they sung their new one, which has been stuck in my head ever since, and I actually like it now... like I like the song - I would watch the clip for the music, not just for Geri's abs now...
And then - the best surprise of all - they did 'lady is a vamp' - their most under-rated songs... and it was HOT! like all jazzy and stuff, tooo toooo hot!
And speaking of hot! They did this changeroom thing before heading into 'Too much', which they did faster, like a swing version, but they totally slowed it back down for Sporty's 'a want a man' bit (which I always hear in my head as 'I want a (wo)man! not a boy who thinks he can' so that was too awesome!!
Then they brought out the feathers for '2 become 1' and it was ... you guessed it - awesome!!
THEN!! They ran off, got changed into their old gear - like tracky-daks
Amy and I
In the crowd! for Sporty, leapord print for Scary, cute little dress for Baby, Gucci dress for Posh and ... union jack for Ginger!!! they were each surrounded by a few spice boys who were dressed in the same theme and they sang 'Who do you think you are?'... it rocked, the song rocked!!!
OH my GOD, then came by far the most camp thing I have ever seen... see each of them did a little song by themselves, like from their solo career, and since Posh hasn't really had a solo career, instead of sing some song and be judged, she did the best thing effing ever (it only could have been topped by Patty's assertion that Britney - at the MTV awards - instead of looking like a drugged up loser, should have just embraced the crackwhore that she has become and wipped off the wig and stood on the stage flipping everyone the bird - ala Homer in the Simpsons Movie) she embraced herself, and she strutted baby!!! Crap catwalk music blared from the speakers, all the massive screens lit up with popart pictures of posh and Victoria just strutted - it... was... too... CAMP!!!!!
So Scary would
have to come up with something pretty amazing to even stand up to that right? Good old Lenny Kravitz and audience participation!!! Out comes Scary, still in her leapord print number and struts out to the audience, grabs a cute gayboy (I just assume that all men at a Spice Girls concert are gay - any questions?) and has the spice boys lock him up in this ... contraption... she's screaming out some Lenny 'Are you gonna go my way?' - too awesome... her mike doubles as a freaking WHIP!!! she STRADDLES the contraption thing... so cool!!! only down point was that she ended the performance by kinda pretending to ugh... well... her head was very near the guy's crotch - I thought that was a bit demeaning to herself... she should have stayed straddling the gayboy...
And then Baby... so cute... totally under-rated, and I totally love all her solo stuff... She did 'Maybe I'm in Love' - heaps of choreography, great use of stage - awesome, I love her and I loved the song!
Then they all come back on stage for 'viva forever' which I always liked. It's such a cute song, and the time
when it was released was so troubled - geri leaving and all... anyway, they bought back those memories when at the end of the song, Geri disappeared through the floor... CAM-PUH!
But then... bring it on - 'Holler'. I never used to like this song either, but it actually a really good song... I think it was halfway through the song when Sporty was looking directly into my eyes that I figured this out actually... hmmmmm.
The stage cleared again... and thunder started rumbling... I think a storm's a-brewing!!! 'It's raining (freaking) Men!!!' God Geri was good! It actually RAINED on the stage! there were men everywhere, she stripped out of her trenchcoat into this uber cute, uber tight, uber short, uber orange, uber 70's track suit thingy - too awesome!!
And then... as we all knew it would... it happened... Sporty appeared on the stage... looking FINE!!!! And she was freaking owning every section of that crowd - everyone went utterly NUTSO! (apparently she is still really big in Germany - like they love her here!) and she sang 'I turn to you'. Un-freaking-believable how good it was!!!
Then they all ... well the final
four cam back and sang some song I don't remember... I think I had stopped listening to them by the time that this song was released... anyway, at the end, geri returned back up from the floor, and was hugged by everyone - very cute...
And just when it couldn't get any cuter - out come the stools (no, not really) and 'mama' starts playing! Only this time it's not just images of their mums up on the screens, it's the cutest pictures of all their chillen as well!! Oh my god... Geri's baby is the cutest, and the Beckham boys!! awwww... I was left a puddle of cuteness...
The show started to wrap up, and they played one of my faves 'goodbye my friend'. I just love the chorus... so sad, so sweet... god I love them all!
Then 'spice up your life' came back on, and we figured it was nearly all over red rover. They exited the stage in a mass of screams and lights - in a word... awesome!!
So we all scream for quite a while... and then, they come back out screaming 'if you can't dance'.. they were dressed like
The Meter of Beer
a Koeln 'must have' boxers... sporty was HOT! all the spice boys were going crazy around them... when...
'wannabe'... only Geri was yelling 'Tell me what you want, what you really fucking want' to which Scary replies 'I'll tell you what I want, what I mother-fucking want!!!' - HEAVEN!!! Tick-a-tape is pouring from the stage - it is going OFFFF!!!!
************************************
AWESOME!!!!!!!
So hen... along with every other person there, we hit the streets, not knowing where to go, just wanting to go somewhere... we wandered past a heap of closed pubs before Amy (and her freaky eyesight) spotted a 'U' and we hit the UBahn... a nice German chick told us where we should hit for good nightlife, and we found some street... so can't remember the name... But .. it rocked.
We ate and drank in a cafe (a pizza - like a whole pizza - for 4€ - yay!) until they closed at 1am, then we moved to this cool pub where crazy germans were singing karaoke (awesome!!) and we found the Koeln traditional drink!! The Metre of Koelsch! Warren told me to look for it - apparently it's only available in Koeln - basically,
Job Completed
Amy and our valiant effort a metre or beer - 11 little glasses - about 2.2 litres altogether... we had already had like 3 halbes... but we got through it! the waitress walked past and was like 'woohoo - macht spas!!' it was ace.
Only two renditions of 'Last Christmas' later we left that pub when it closed (at 3am) and went in search of The Cent Bar, which we had seen earlier but decided that it had looked a little too gangster for that time of the night, but alas, the fiddy-cent bar was closing by the time we got back. And the reggae bar was closed too, so we lined up outside the only bar left open - the venus club... and there were an awful lot of men in the line - only men really... I was worried that we were about to wander into a strip club - not that I cared either way, it just seemed a little tacky for it to be named the venus club...
Anyway - it was not a strip club... it was, however, effing packed. somehow we got a table, and we got two free drinks upon entry, and then these
hehe
frankly, I was just relieved that we hadn't stumbled into a strip club... guys that we had met in the line (one of whom is going to Australia in February, tho not just Australia, Brisbane... to study at some uni, tho not just some uni - QUT! How freaky! Anyway, he and his friends just kept the beers coming and it was like 5am before we knew it.
Then suddenly they played Melissa Etheridge and all these women hit the floor, and it was only then that I asked about the gay scene is Koeln and apparently it has the highest gay population in Germany - it is their Sydney, their San Fran, their Toronto... What a thing to find out at 5am... doh-eth!!!
So... as the sun was rising, and the venus bar was closing, I wandered back to the UBahn and hopped a 7am train back to the hotel... I can not remember getting inside the place, but I remember waking up not long enough after to brush my teeth, have a shower in a can and run to catch another UBahn back to the train station.
I got back to Ulm, met up with Warren at around 5pm, hit the firey-gluhwein, had some thai
with Grant, and then hit some halbes with Warren and his rugby mates at Smiths. Eventually we got home, I have never been so tired, I have never had so MUCH FUN!!!!!
Feck yeh!!!
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Brendan
non-member comment
Yay
OMG! Awesome Susan! Sounds like you had a blast! Yay, you made a new friend for us next year at QUT! Hahha! Oh oh oh! I just watched a show called Tell Me You Love Me, i'll remind you to watch it when you get back. It has Full Frontal male and female nudity and really realistic sex scenes. Ah, HBO. It also has Penelope from Lost in it!