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Published: November 20th 2008
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The Arch
When you have no style, fake it Doc You’re Telling Me This Sucker’s Nuclear?
We are now long and gone from Ireland. Our last night was spent there putting down a twelve pack of beer, 3 and a half bottles of wine and about 20-30 shots of rum, brandy, tequila, whiskey, and some coffee flavored liquor in a blaze of backstage rock and roll like glory. After a subzero sparkler dance routine in Rob’s driveway and singing, “Twist and Shout,” at the top of our lungs in his kitchen, all the while trying to keep the tacos I made for dinner down, I’d say we left the way we came in, loud and having fun.
I went into a travel coma somewhere between saying goodbye to Shelly at the Dublin airport and after the 3rd stop on the Paris metro rail. We came up from the depths of the public transportation underground to a Paris wonderland. The sun had just began to make its way to slumber and the street lights were coming on like metaphors to the light bulbs in our heads, “we had arrived in Paris.”
It was something like out of a movie, gold and blue skies gave backdrop to giant, perfectly
That's Right Keep Drinking
Wine is like a one night stand, good at night, not so good in the morning carved buildings lined in faces, angels, gargoyles and detail to rich for the human heart to swallow. It was far different than when I was here when I was 10 years old and with so much more in life to appreciate.
After taking us and our 100lbs of luggage on an ass backwards tour trying to find our hotel, that was actually about 50ft from the metro we came in on, we found our hotel. A small little homely placed, mixed with a romantic French touch. As I stepped into the elevator that only holds one person and is made of creaking wood it dawned on me. I may die between floors 3 and 5; and everything in France runs on nuclear power! From there on out, every time I plugged in some thing or turned on a light I had Marty McFly on my brain saying, “Doc you’re telling me this things nuclear,” or “1.71 jigawatts!”
Paris is definitely the world’s most romantic location. Everything blends together in a perfect way. It’s almost as if it’s architects over the years have followed a strict code to creating it’s everlasting motif, make it last, make it bright and
Floor Shot
Almost as good as the money shot make it sexy.
Paris has these cool bike racks located all around the city where you can put down a deposit and ride these bikes all over. At most of the tourist spots, you can lock the bikes up to these magnetic bike racks. It’s a pretty ingenious idea and should be considered in small towns like Chico to encourage people not to drive.
We hit all your tourist’s spots from the top of the Eiffel Tower to the Notre Dame cathedral (bob, I tried to steal you a prayer candle, but Tara said that was bad juju on the trip). Out of the millions of sites, I enjoyed seeing the site where the Bastille once stood the most, but I’d say together Tara and I enjoyed the Eiffel tower a lot more, which provided everything you’d expect it too, except a tour group of half naked 16 year old school girls from Spain. While we were walking down to the river you could see the top of the Eiffel tower setting along with the sunset. I saw it first, but thought Tara should get to spot it for the first time on her own. My idea worked
Cheese Royal
They ain't got no metric system here. out to perfection. When she caught her first glimpse of one of the most recognizable symbols in the world, next to the crucifix and the McDonald’s arches, she was ear to ear smiling and maybe even a little bit breathless. Or maybe she was so tired from our journey she was thinking, “that’s fucking it?”
Under Paris Rooftops
The Louver was pretty amazing as well. I am much older and have grown to appreciate art more, but I still believe music and food to be the best arts. That statement also come from a man whose favorite band is Bad Religion and his favorite food is cheese fries and butter fried chicken. Last time I saw the Mona Lisa all I could say was, “Dad, where are her eyebrows?” This time I got to see Cupid, Aphrodite, The Raft of Medusa, the Mona Lisa, Madonna on the Rocks and a host of awesome paintings about the French Revolution.
The food here started average, but gained strength and respect from my eager stomach by the time we left. I didn’t drink much but a nice shot of French whiskey and some quality champagne and wine. We went and
The Louvre
We love the floor shots. saw Moulin Rouge, which can be summed up in one word, tities. I have never seen so many good looking titties in my life. And if you’ve never seen a naked woman with a leaf glued over her vagina, swim naked in a tank full of baby anacondas, then Paris awaits you my friend! After the show ends, all the thoughtless foreigners who flock to see it, leave behind their free champagne. Tara drunk and in klepto mode and me in regular form we walked out stealing enough expensive champagne to almost pay for the whole fiasco.
Making love to your girlfriend in sexy lingerie while in full gaze of Paris rooftops and starry skies wasn’t on my list of 100 things to do before I die. I added it on the other night. I took it off this morning.
As far as French people go, they aren’t all assholes, just a majority of them. We seemed to get lucky with dealing with them, or it was the fact that we made a list of phrases and words we felt might be important for survival and they all seemed to appreciate our attempts to speak their language. If
Paris Lights
I can still smell the French from up here. you know anyone here, bribe them with wine or promises of a United States green card in order to have them show you in the inside track of Paris. Tara’s friend Jerome took us on a mini tour of the underbelly of Paris streets and shops. It was a nice way to spend the last of the gas in the tank. People also will suggest the boat tours along the Sain River and to buy a metro pass. I suggest you get a good pair of shoes and hoof it. We walked Paris and from end to end twice, during the day and at night. Leaving here and sitting in the bathroom of my Madrid bound train, I would say we did Paris the right way, walking it all and taking it all in.
Need to Know Phrases:
American French
Where is the bathroom? Toilette? (and shrug your shoulders in confusion)
Water Aeu (pronounced eeeew)
One glass of red wine please. Un verre de cin rouge si vu plait.
Meat and cheese only La viando et le fromage seulement
I am allergic to Tomatoes Je suis allergiquo aux tomates. (rub your tummy and make a sad face)
Heights and Lights
If you suffer from seizures or epilepsy, this may not be the tourist attraction for you.
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