A week of blessings and answered prayer

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Living with a large family isn't easy, especially when the mother is pregnant and you're in the house, expected to help but at the same time, nothing is really expected of you. Confusing? I know, which is what makes it a difficult situation to be in sometimes. Cedric and Laetitia's words to me when I first arrived in France were that they didn't expect me to do anything,it wasn't a job, but within the first few days after arriving Laetitia was showing me all the jobs I could help her with. Of course, I understand I'm expected to help but sometimes I don't know what I'm supposed to and not supposed to do. Cedric and Laetitia's laid-back, down-to-earth attitude of 'we just want you to be you,we don't mind if you don't do anything' can sometimes be difficult to live to.

I'd got to the point recently when I'd be down in my bedroom and I wouldn't be able to relax properly because I'd be worrying that I wasn't spending enough time with the family or that I should be helping more. I told myself that it wasn't a good way to live. I thought of the last girl who was here and how she had clearly spent a lot of time with the family. I asked myself why I didn't have a desire to do that too? Why did I prefer to spend most of my time in my room? I know I've always been someone who enjoys their own company but I was worried that I was beginning to come across to the family as too unsociable. I was finding it difficult to get a balance between being with them and being on my own.

On Tuesday I was free all day but I'd already arranged with Rachel to go with her to another women's Bible group. In the morning I was having another 'guilty' feeling because I'd been down in my room quite a long time after breakfast, praying and reading my Bible. So I went upstairs and did a bit of hoovering and laundry. The boys were happily playing together so I left them to it rather than trying to spend a bit of time with them.

At lunch time Laetitia started to complain of a headache and that she couldn't see properly. Cedric told her to go and lie down and get some rest. As he was returning to work that afternoon I wondered if I should cancel my plans and stay with Laetitia and the children. I know they would never have asked me to do that but I wondered if that's what they silently expected of me. That's often the problem: the silent expectation - they often don't voice it but it's what I feel they're expecting of me so in the end I offer anyway. And this expectation has become greater since Laetitia has entered her final stages of pregnancy.

After tidying up after lunch I decided to go out anyway - Laetitia didn't seem to be resting so I figured she must have been feeling better. And I hate being stuck in the house all day, I find it quite depressing especially when it's a weekday too. But I chose not to tell Laetitia that I was going out - I felt a bit guilty as it was and I didn't think she'd notice my absence anyway.

That night at tea Laetitia asked me if I was going anywhere the following day. It was one of those questions that implied she'd rather I didn't go anywhere but instead stay home with her and the children. Of course, she didn't say that but I felt that's what she was getting at, especially when I challenged her question with a curious 'why?' Because apparently she'd been so ill that afternoon, she'd rather not be left at home alone with the children. But then I asked myself 'Is it really my job to do that?' This is where it gets complicating and I'm left being a bit lost and confused as to what's expected of me.

So that night, I decided to pray about it even though I told myself it was something small and probably not worth praying about. After all, I thought deep down, what could God do about it? It was up to me to talk to Cedric and Laetitia about it.

On Wednesday I was cleaning at the school, something I do for Laetitia now that she's pregnant. When I told her that I was going down I wasn't offered a lift so I figured I'd have to walk and hope that Lydie could bring me back after our French lesson. When it's cold like this I prefer to walk and at least I don't have to struggle back up with my bike.

That afternoon I had just started my French lesson with Lydie when Luc, the church pastor made a surprise appearance and asked me if I could come up and talk to him after my lesson. To what do I owe this honor, I thought to myself but I figured it must just have been about my testimony.

A little while later he came back again as he was going out and wouldn't be there after I finished my lesson. He asked me if it might be possible for me to have lunch with him and his wife sometime next week. He told me it was to get to know me better and to discuss when I could give my testimony and also about arranging a trip for me to go back home to see my family (I didn't quite understand this last bit). When he'd gone I turned to Lydie who had a knowing smile on her face and I asked her if she'd said anything to them about me going home and what I'd already spoken to her about i.e. my financial situation with working voluntarily. No, she hadn't but earlier that morning in the office she'd been speaking about me to Manuela, the pastor's wife, who thought I worked hard and did a lot in the school. She told Lydie that she had a heart to do something for me and that's when Lydie mentioned about me going home and how expensive it was.

I couldn't stop smiling as I thought of the prayer I'd prayed to God: would He find me a cheap flight or would He provide the money for me to go home - I never really believed He'd do the latter so was banking on the first. As it turned out the cheapest flight I'd been able to find was 120 pounds - not exactly cheap. But after putting my trust in God and booking it, the week after I received some money towards it (I won't say from whom) and now here I was, likely to receive more money! I couldn't believe it! This was God's doing and no mistake.

That evening after my French lesson I shared with Lydie some of how I was feeling with living in the family and how I often wish I could live independently. I had no idea that God had another surprise waiting for me. When I got home Cedric called down to me but I didn't hear what he said so I went up to investigate wondering what lay in store.

He had finished my bedroom! After nearly two months of sleeping in the small room next to the garage, separated from the rest of the family, I finally had my very own brand new bedroom with the rest of the family! It was God's answer to my prayer from the night before.

Now that I have my own bedroom in the flat I can be alone in my room and relax without feeling like I'm completely separated from the family and like I should be with them. It's also so much more handy for helping Laetitia - I can pop up and down the wooden ladder easily and quickly to check if she needs help. And the bedroom itself is so much nicer and bigger than anything I ever imagined. It's so nice to have furniture again too! Being able to sit a large desk as I write my blogs and look out at the beautiful countryside is truly a blessing.

If God hadn't already blessed me enough that week, I found out on Friday from Lydie that the school are going to completely reimburse me for my plane tickets home! I won't have to spend a penny! Wow! How great is God! I put my trust in Him and He has chosen to honour and bless me as His child. What do I have to fear or worry about when God is on my side?

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