Albania - Abu Dhabi - Dubai

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We arrived at Tirana's Mother Theresa airport from Athens and we are now accustomed to the fact that having a pushchair allows us to walk through the fast lane queues at check in and passport control - it's been one of the major benefits of having you travelling with us. So, if you're reading this at 14 years old and wondering why we are still pushing you around in your trolley, this is the reason.

Firstly, I'd like to take everything back that I said about the roads in Greece. Albania was on a different level - absolutely wild.

Back in 1991, there were only 3000 cars in the country, as private cars were illegal under the communist rule and they have definitely made up for lost time in the intervening years. Although the Albanian Highway code might need some updates. Reversing onto motorways, stopping dead in the middle of the road and driving with your hazards on all seem to be acceptable practices. I never found out what the last one was about, I just assumed it's their way of saying 'everybody, just stay away from me, I don't really know what I'm doing'. There must be a section in there on hazards such as; boulders that have fallen from the cliffs above because they haven't bothered safeguarding the roads with netting; craters and animals (goats, cows, dogs, cats, donkeys) in the road - I came around a corner at one point and there were five wild horses strolling around waiting to cause an accident. The centre line is just for display really - stay on your side of the road if you like, or don't. It's up to you at the end of the day. I knew it was bad when I asked you to drive. Now, you're not normally shy when it comes to volunteering your driving services but on this occasion you replied 'No, because it's too crazy'.

Our first stop off required a three hour drive up to the city of Shkoder, in the north of the country, a convenient crossing point into Montenegro and gateway to the Albanian Alps / Accursed Mountains. It was a good introduction to Albania, our accommodation was similar to ones we had in Mexico, situated on a main road with constant noise and traffic right outside the door all night.

Shkoder was our first glimpse of Albanian tourist attractions, in particular castles of which we visited many. Although the views at the top are incredible, they should come with health warnings. We were constantly scrambling around trying to keep you away from the numerous potential death traps, from sheer drops off the top of castle walls to the steel bars sticking out of virtually every surface.

Our next stop was a place called Kruje, the most memorable incident here was sitting on a table for dinner next to the actor that played Walt Jr in Breaking Bad (you'll love it when you're older). I was recording a video of the view and I heard his instantly recognisable voice but we were dubious that it was him, although your mum managed to take a sneaky photo later in the bazaar. For confirmation, she then checked his Instagram where he'd posted something from Tirana a couple of days earlier. She's like that - nosy.

Berat was the next place on our route, a two and a half hour drive south from Kruje. Berat is known as the 'city of a thousand windows' due to its unique architectural style, distinctive white Ottoman houses and Byzantine churches. There is also three grand mosques in the Mangalem quarter of the city. Between 1941 and 1992, religion was banned in Albania by the communist state, which made it the first Atheist country on earth. Much has changed since the fall of communism though, and Islam is now the majority religion in the country.

There was a wine festival being held on the Saturday, with live bands performing - an event that your mum would have been all over before you came along and put an end to that kind of fun. There was a castle here, so it goes without saying that we paid it a visit.

From Berat, we drove through the Longera National Park, which was an amazing drive that wound its way from up in the clouds at the top of the mountains, down to the to the seaside town of Himare. This was our first taste of the Albanian Riviera, as we were approaching the middle of October, most businesses were closed for the winter which was fine with us as it meant fewer people. Also, it meant lower prices - we'd read reports of some beaches charging up to 150 Euros for a sunlounger during the summer months.

After two nights in Himare, we continued our drive down the coast to the popular resort of Ksamil. The coves that make up this part of the country are undoubtedly stunning, although it was hard to see that on our first day as we arrived during one of the worst storms I think I've ever seen.

Corfu is only 10km away at this part of the country and it's possible to visit on a day's excursion. It was at this part of the trip that you felt compelled to share more backseat advice with me: 'This road's tricky, be careful, don't go fast'. That basically applies to every road in Albania so I don't know why you singled this one out in particular.

While in Ksamil, we also visited the nearby UNESCO heritage listed Butrint National Park, an ancient city set within a lagoon that was once ruled by Julius Caesar. The next day, we travelled up to Gjirokaster, passing through the Blue Eye, a natural spring with crystal clear water that has a depth of at least 50 metres, the deepest any diver has been able to descend, so the actual depth is unknown.

On a different note, I've accumulated yet more vital luggage on top of the lego and plasticine - slime, a bucket and spade, a doll, a plastic dinosaur and a crocodile. At this rate, I'm going to have to dump some of my hair products to make room in my backpack.

We stayed at the Stone Sky Hotel in Gjirokaster, with 'sky' being the key word there. I left the car at what seemed like sea level and was tasked with carrying all of our baggage single-handedly up to our accommodation which resembled a medieval castle. All while you and your mum were relaxing in the room, and presumably laughing at me. Not content with that climb, we then embarked on a further uphill slog to the main town. I found the following quote in a travel guide referring to Gjirokaster:

'It was a steep city, the steepest in the world, defying the laws of architecture and city planning' - Ismail Kadare (Albanian Poet and novelist). And that's it in a nutshell.

What's even better though is when you say you're tired after about twenty steps and refuse to move until someone (me) carries you. It's almost as if you didn't want to visit another castle after all. What a day that was, a right laugh.

We've noticed that whenever we ask you a question with two possible answers, you always pick the second option, which is handy to know. The question is usually related to clothes or food, but we had this confirmed when we asked you which of the following you preferred - the National Park or Winton Park and you chose the latter.

Tirana was our last stop in our Albania and it far exceeded my expectations. I really liked the place (insane driving aside). We took a ride on the Djati Express cable car, at 4354 metres it is the longest in the Balkans, the journey ends at the top of the Djati mountains 1000 metres above sea level and offers a panoramic view of Tirana and the surrounding areas.

We loved our time in Albania and would highly recommend it to anyone thinking of visiting, we visited seven towns in our twelve days and could easily have stayed longer, but our trip was now taking in a new unplanned destination, Abu Dhabi.

Passing through Athens for the fourth time on this trip, we were expecting you to be 'agitated' during the five hour lay over but were pleasantly surprised. I never thought a paper crown from Burger King could be such a powerful behavioural tool, but it worked its magic on you for at least an hour and a half. Just as we landed in Abu Dhabi, you finally fell asleep and incredibly stayed that way through baggage claim, passport control, the forty minute taxi ride to the hotel, check in and the lift up to the room. I've never been prouder.

We stayed on the 25th floor at the Dusit Thai with a view that mesmerised you judging by your habit of sitting on the window ledge and making remarks about the traffic. Maybe there's a future career for you as an eye in the sky traffic reporter? It was luxury that we have not yet experienced on this trip and we tried to make the most of it, particularly the all you can eat breakfast. Or breakfast as it's known to normal people.

We spent the first day at the Corniche and the Abu Dhabi Mall, our first shopping centre visit since that one at Trafford. The second day was spent at Yas Waterworld, your first and definitely not last, water park.
On the second night, I went down to watch the United v Copenhagen match in the hotel Irish bar which intrigued you. 'What is an Irish bar?'. My explanation - a dark place where you drink beer and watch football - obviously didn't impress you as you looked at me with a mixture of confusion, disgust and what might have been pity.

The following day, Dawn (Casper's better half) drove from Dubai to Abu Dhabi to pick us up and take us back to their house to stay with them. Due to the situation in Israel, we arrived a few weeks earlier than originally planned and it was a busy time for our hosts as Casper has just opened his new boxing gym and we took you down to have a look. You were keen to get the gloves on but stopped short of getting in the ring as it was too noisy. Dawn became your favourite person in the world over these few days, you described her as being 'very kind to you' due in no small part to the Weetabix, fish fingers and chocolate stars you were treated to.

We all went to a Halloween themed quiz night at Ranches, where you seemed completely content to eat all the ice cubes from a wine bucket. Good to discover a cheap way to keep you quiet going forward. The wine was the key factor in us getting a Safe Driver home and as Casper noted, he started off the day working in his gym and finished it in the boot of his own car being forced - by you - to sing along to the Spice Girls. And you gave him no choice in the matter.

We wanted to do a desert safari at some point but your mum was worried that it might not be safe enough for you. That was until Casper volunteered to take us. So, instead of a local expert taking us into the dunes, we opted for a lad from Partington who started each sentence with 'I hope this is the way'. As we went bouncing around the sand dunes looking for the camels, you incredibly fell asleep (again) and stayed that way until we were back on the road. Despite that, it was a brilliant day and I'd highly recommend Paul Taylor's Desert Safari tours - if such a business existed. Knowing him, it might do one day.

On to Thailand - again earlier than planned..

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