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Published: March 3rd 2011
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true. am dificult .with woman i make problem. is elephant in glasshouse. no want problem , but is inevitable.
seems theres no from hawai 2 polinesia. em say, from mexico, south california. means: no hawai.
plan mexico or guatemala, 2-3 months.incl 1 month workshop.summersellin california.now i must see how long it takes me go mexico.no need 4 rush.but.time runs.2day search sailboats.bit passivly,bit not.
mulett bay, camp near golffield.morn watch em play.
snorkel,hitchhike hummer,h3,snorkel,smoke,passive boatsearch,sellin in marina.
orientbay,beachday. hm, everyday is beachday.
frias n happybay.2 possibilities 2 go:tortola,panama.problem: i need visa 4 usa?
lost ,seems,possibility 4 panama.free bufett at casino. nightwalkin:local couple in dark road from beach, him crawlin, she shout:help,help;he was robbed n shot in leg,right now, right here.even tru i tried agressivly 2 stop car had some difficulity 2 stop 1 n realize police call.later went 2 disco, free entry.
got mail. yep, with giada seems finished. sems she no speak out straight.was finished long ago.only friendly letters.no sweet,enteusastic.i prefer em speak straight.dislike,pain, of hangin loose in d air, dreamin ,stimulatin yrself 4 empty ilusion.
is easy:is enteusasm, is desire,is d work 2ward it. no enteusasm,no desire,no realisation.an in life is cchoise.we choose.we do.
as with xie,luz
2007,i didnt focus on what was b4 my eyes but on what i wanted, egoistic,caprichioso.
patient mike,d right 1 ll come.like with alfio, seems, yep.alfio has girlfriend.YIPPPPIEHHH.
rastafaricomunity have fair,market,concert. i go there 4 sell.many interestin woman.rastawoman mike like.
inside huricanhit, abandonated,resort.smokin. seems re-activated panama chance.giada wrote, seems not over.
i start 2 like st.martin.sxm. have flair,music,life,caos.4 weeks allready here.
tent,morn,guinness,smoke,mp3.news.no panama.
nice pinel island.
tip: mulett bay,friday, free disco.sleep 25 u$ at lagoonies or other crewhouses at marinas.tab water drinkable , but on dutch side bettre.no free showers. yes french side mo organized,mo chic.dutch side have casino,locals smoke openly. st .martin ,sailboat mecca.
try 2 sell. nothin. problems:have few, present it badly(torn towel on sand) handicraft get dirty with sand. 2morrow i check table. promise.
got table ,sold 50.
philipsburg,beach,big beer,smokin,life band singin.caribic.got waiver visa 4 us.even tru st.martin 2 bvi,virgin gorda,was only 12 hrs trip, hitchhiked(gratis) huge,20 mtr,spanish monohull, am now my 3rd night on boat.kaptain is great, i try 2 help.
entered,skippin 3u$ fee-sorry,wonderfull bath. i put my stuff 2 sale. guard come, look at my handicraft,look at me n say:what goin on?i:nothin goin on.he:u sell?i smile a bit:no i dont think i
ll sell.he:where u from?me:germany.he left.
2 days bath.fantastic mornin snorkellin.sold 32.full moon trekkin.
hitchhiked,free, fast,jumpy, motorboat 2 tortola.tip: sometimes libery sort out books, u can take 4 free. got gogol.
bomba shack 4 full moon party. famous cos mushroom tea, lucky cos camped free at party, had own alk n changed 10 e$ bracelet with all u can drink tea.
ok, understood how 2 obtain freedom, n how selfdestruction.
seems marta was tekknikal bst girlfriend i ever had.but inside fix on hon, no, not luz.or, mayb, yes.
i saw 1 girl i liked.guy started 2 introduce me 2 her. i blocked, turned away.seems a m good in disco stuff.oftn girls come, dance next 2 me, flirt me direct or indirekt. i no respond. i know, stupid.1 girl come,mushroom in fingers, put it direkt in2 my mouth,smilin, went 3mtr away kept dancin, all time lookin, smilin, at me.i smile back, close my eyes, keep dancin.
canegarden, sold 100 u$ in 1hr.found ,opened,ate,coco.
sold 130.seems am priveleged. beachchair, on wich i lie n sell, is 5u$.seems am only1 who no pay. is cos am dressed fucked up?am sympathise backpackers, or smiled right moment right person?hm
true, all time hope 2 re-meet
mushroom girl.
sold 13. true:latly oftn daydream bout luz.no, no sexual desire 4 her.
cos imigration law eneterd usvi ,st.thomas, by ferry.ca, nice architek downtown.
many nightmares, no:1 nightmare transformin,changin,keeps wakin me at night.
boiatsearchin. em say east st.tomas much criminality.understood?i wildcamp, i worry.i must. i need my passport, need my mastercard.em take ,em fuck me.
true:face weatherin.tekknically i like rustic.problem, am not weatherin nicly. true:sometimes use nivea at night.need dentist, teeth brake.plan: with 40 visit luz.understood? i write drunk.i like.true: no miss giada.read lovly bones.good.wanna deepn phicology.much interest.always.u know, no?
i observe.sometimes.
fotos. i no use flash.never.better.
andi:would like,but.
giada:over since beginnin.
alfio:best friend.
luz:desire 4 her soft past,hon, i desire a dream , not a reality.
marta:phicology n soultwinn stuff.full admiration, but.but.understand?
mama:wasnt her respect,admiration.no harmony, worlds apart,wanna convince her of my way of seein beauty.
... my rum ,finished.here i could start cheap philosophy.
no worry, i wont.
i just sit, watch movin sea.iluminated palmtrees.light of far awayhouses in dark.no moon, some stars.
apropo.no boats go pt.rico.
if u would b me yr inside wouild grow n grow . i dont.
giada: no need 4 spiritual inia styled research. life gives. always.
LOOK. WATCH.
good snorkel at coko beach.
readin kite runner.twistin my haert. painfull.
no mo searchin sailboat.best bet seems cargoboat.
and that, i believe, is what true redemption is, amir jan, when guilt leads 2 good.
k.h. kite runner
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