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Published: November 10th 2007
We just found out recently that Sarah's dad, John, and his wife Meleny are going to be able to come down and visit us for a week in December! To prepare them for the cultural change, we wrote out a little list of things to do to help get them ready.
We hope that you enjoy, and if you ever come to Guatemala, you'll be ready!
Disclaimer: The intention of this list is in no way to make fun of Guatemalan culture or people. These are merely differences that we have noticed between two different countries. We have had many opportunities to laugh at ourselves and our own cultural oddities thanks to our time here. Enjoy!
Eating:
- Eat lots of beans and corn products (canned corn, corn tortillas, corn flakes ect.). In fact, if you see a corn field, just pull over and start chompin'!
- Don't eat lettuce unless you soak it in a bleach solution first.
- Try and find a non-refrigerated meat market. There should be huge sides of cows and other assorted meats hanging on hooks. Intestines on the counter, and maybe a goat head or two. If you go after about 4:00 pm, you might practice holding your breath as you walk by.
Driving and Walking:
- When you need to cross the street, don't use crosswalks or stoplights (they don't really exist here), just run when there is an opening in traffic. For greatest success, debilitate your sense of self preservation and just go for it!
- When walking down the street, keep your eyes open for all manner of identifiable and unidentifiable piles.
- For a change of pace, drive with your eyes closed and really fast. Also, no seatbelt.
- When you approach an intersection in your car, no need to slow down or stop, just honk as you approach and hope for the best.
- Borrow a minivan from someone and put at least 20 people into it. Assign one person as the ayudante (or helper). This person hangs out the window hollering the destination of the vehicle. Pick up whoever waves at you. Charge everyone 13 cents for a ride.
- Ride a public bus and make a pitch to sell hand cream or special vitamins to the passengers. A long convincing speech is best, because where are they going to go?
Home and Bathroom Issues:
- Brush your teeth with bottled water.
- Attach live electical wires from your showerhead. The closer to your head the better. No electical tape...no problem!!
- Wash your hands, face and dishes in really cold water...unless you want to wash them in the shower.
- Never anticipate a hot shower. When you get one, make it long and rejoice.
- Don't flush your toilet paper. Throw it away in the garbage can. This is hard to remember at first, but very important. P.S.- If you forget once, you won't forget again.
- Our version of forced hair heating...a blow dryer. A blast under the covers before bed works well if you can get in while it's still warm.
Noise:
- Have a favorite song? Share it with the neighbors! Mount big speakers on the top of your car or in your front lawn and crank it up!
- Buy a car alarm and don't worry about having it installed correctly. You want it to go off between 18-35 times a day whether it's being stolen or not.
- Wake up your neighbors at least 3 to 4 mornings a week with your new car alarm and 400 Black Cat fireworks. The closer the fireworks are to the house, the better.
- Listen to 80's complitation cd's (Michael Jackson and Gloria Estefan are Guatemalan favorites) and music with lots of accordians.
Language and Culture:
- Buy a teeshirt and screen print 'Gringos on Parade' onto it. This will remove any remaining doubt from the locals' minds.
- Learn the phrase, 'Yo pienso que tengo amoebas.' (Translated as: I think that I have amoebas). A very helpful phrase for travelers.
- Also learn to phrase, 'No te entiendo' (Translated as: I don't understand you.)
- If you are female, practice your ignoring skills. You will get whistled at and called to. Sometimes men might just stop their car in the middle of the street just to stare at you. Just keep walking.
- Practice for the market by haggling over prices whenever you go shopping.
- When speaking a new language, remember that one letter can make all the difference in the world. 'Pato' is duck. 'Pata' is the nerve of a cow leg. Don't order soup of Pata thinking it's Pato, because there is a big different between duck soup (yum) and nerve of cow leg soup (not so yum).
¡Viva Guatemala!
Drew y Sarah
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Stephanie
non-member comment
laughing...
I'm wondering how in the world you both can be so funny?! I miss your face!