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Published: August 25th 2015
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My return to the United States has been a bit of an adjustment, like riding a roller coaster, driving bumper cars and floating on a kiddie boat ride. Stan and I were a bit in shock at returning to constant electronics, screens everywhere and a pace of life that demands speed and convenience. Not only did I feel overwhelmed, but nauseous, like I was at the top of a roller coaster ready to go down the huge drop. After the loop-the-loops and more speeding up and down, I staggered off the car and began to get my bearings. I didn’t have much time to get my bearings as I began to crash into the abundance and ease of life. Just going in a grocery store was overwhelming. Even at gas station markets the variety of peanuts was hard to take in. It was almost impossible to find just plain ones. Not that it wasn’t easy to adjust to an ample supply of almost everything, but it was tempting to buy more than I needed. When shopping, I looked down in my cart and was surprised to see so many things I had done without in Cuba, but really hadn’t missed all
that much. However, when they were available, I put them in my cart without even realizing it.
Another crash was with the ease of transportation. I had previously been accustomed to wait for transportation, or not always having it available. Now that we had a car again, I understood it as quite a luxury. I also confess the luxury of having family resources that made getting a car possible after we returned. I also felt strange at having an easy means to communicate with most anyone I wanted to at most anytime. The one moment I felt like I was back in Cuba was when I attempted to make a call to Cuba, but the recorded voice said that I did not have international calling on my plan and could not make the call. Instead of being irritated at not getting what I wanted right then, I shrugged and thought, “Oh well. Can’t do that today.” Still, I felt like I was off balance as I got out of that bumper car, and I was grateful the crashes were padded.
After that, I found myself in a soothing kiddie boat ride and began to realize the seductive power
of the conveniences of our culture that make many things ridiculously easy. I had a long list of things to do to reenter life in the U.S., such as insurance, bills, cell phones, the dentist, driver’s license renewal, etc. For the most part I was able to navigate the daily tasks of our lives, with a small exception of memorizing the automated system of one of our insurance carriers as I had to make multiple inquiries into the status of a policy. There was a back and forth between my lower expectations of completing tasks and checking things off a list in Cuba, and feeling like a failure if I still had things left on my list at the end of the day. In Cuba, I had almost stopped making lists because it didn’t really serve me. I had to learn the discipline of letting go of my personal expectations and receive what was brought to me each day. In my better moments, I began to trust that God would bring to me what I needed to attend to that day, and when things didn’t work out as I had hoped, that I could trust to see God’s hand and
God’s glory in a way I had not anticipated.
As I have been able to spend time with my family, particularly my mom, I have felt a different kind of ease, that of being sustained by love and bonds rooted so deeply in my life that I did not have to put forth any effort at all to reengage with them. That was the most soothing part of the ride. To be back with family has been a healing experience. I thanked them for their prayers which we felt every day, listened to their stories, hiked with our dog Charlene, and felt the gentle embrace of love and grace.
Now as I anticipate returning to my teaching position in the public schools, I wonder how that reentry will be. One of my friends from Cuba sent me an email asking me if my return was an adjustment or if it was as if I had never left. I am grateful to say that it was not the latter and that I am still adjusting to not being in Cuba. I still miss being there. I miss the sense of community that was created for us almost instantly. While
the culture does not depend on speed or convenience, the building of community happens almost automatically and was in the air we breathed. We miss that as much as anything else, particularly the sharing of our faith around how we live our lives in the day to day. In a place where living each day had many difficulties and frustrations, I found a way to depend on making jokes about it and telling stories to lighten the frustrations, finding that people understood whatever obstacle I had been facing with a smiling nod, a hug or a pat on the arm. It reminded me that the troubles of this world really are not worthy to be compared to the divine glory that is to be revealed. I also had a sense that when we shared our faith in worship, prayer and songs, we were transported to catch a glimpse and feel the joy of heaven. I stand in awe of the believers there as I feel that I was just beginning to take my first steps on being a disciple of Jesus who really did depend on him every minute of the day. My prayer now is that I do not adjust to returning to the business as usual of our culture that tells me to take care of things on my own and to use all of my own resources to fix problems or make my life easier.
My final image is from
The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King when the hobbits return to their home. Merry describes their adventure this way, “It seems almost like a dream that has slowly faded.” “Not to me,” says Frodo. “To me it feels more like falling asleep again.” In some ways our time in Cuba was like a dream come true, but in others there was a truth in the life there that went beyond a dream, a truth that rooted itself in us, a truth that lives on in the faces and friendships, the love and the loyalty, and the waterfall of grace that found its way into the depths of our hearts. I thank God for it all.
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Gerrr
Isabelle
Cuba to NYC
Brilliantly written. I can relate. The adjustment coming back to NYC has been brutal. Thanks for sharing!