The thwarted pre-game passport attempt

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Apparently I'm not as crafty as I thought I was. This entry is about a trip that won't be happening.

My passport expired nine days ago, and I can't yet quite seem to wrap my brain around that. I feel a bit like an amputee, and I can still feel the missing limb tickling a bit. I see my old passport there, just barely past the point of being usable.

However, since a lot of my plans over the next few months involve getting out of the country, I thought I would take it upon myself to try to speed up the process a bit, since apparently it's taking a good three months to get a new passport.

If you can prove you're traveling within 14 days, you get priority and will get the passport. I'm due to go out to Belgium for a little recon to get myself a place to live and talk in person with the chocolate shop chicks. But that's on August 21st, definitely more than 14 days away.

Sooooo, I decided to book a trip to Belize on Saturday, since that was within the 14 days. What I forgot about was just how ridiculously infuriating the level of red tape involved is. You call an automated number, punch in numbers for different dates at different passport locations (after being forced to listen to an agonizingly long message about what you need to get one with no option to skip past it), and even though they have an option to let them know you need to leave within 14 days, if a date then isn't available, you still automatically get stuck with having to choose an appointment after that. It's like the State Department is saying "take it or leave it, bitches!". And then they give you the finger. Metaphorically speaking, of course.

I did what most people do when they actually want to talk to a person, and mashed the "0" key repeatedly, but noooooo. I only got transferred to a person when I hit a totally different key that wasn't on the menu.

The woman on the other line was actually helpful though. She told me at the NYC office (just a short cab ride from me) that if you go first thing in the morning and can prove you're leaving within 7 days, they might see you. They don't have to, but they might, so I figured it was worth a shot.

So I show up a half hour before the office opened and even at 7AM there was a line literally around the block. Most of the people there already had appointments, but I asked a guard as nicely as possible what the procedure was to get in if I had to travel within 7 days. He was nice enough to go in and check and told me they had appointments available at 11AM and 1PM. Yippeee, right?

NO! I had to make the appointments through the same phone number that had already told me there were none available. And I was told the same thing by phone yet again. I did, however, manage to score one for August 9th, which is less than 14 days before the Belgium trip, the one that actually matters. So at least I accomplished that.

Still, I was a little sad. I was kind of looking forward to spending a weekend in the jungle just writing in a hammock and maybe watching some cute boys surf. Just lookee, no touchee though.

So the Belize plan didn't quite work, but I really, really, really hope I can get that passport before I have to go to Belgium on the 21st, especially if I'm to move there by early- to mid- October. Crossing my fingers...

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