2nd April: (“I’ll give you roads”) Namibian has an unparalleled knack for misquoting. Place names, statistics, you name it - he gets it wrong: ‘Milan is confusing,’ he opens. I point out that this is, in fact, Madrid. ‘Well, Milan, or Madrid, or whatever you want to call it,’ he replies irritably. Hang on a minute, they’re completely different cities in completely different countries! What does he mean, whatever I want to call it? Other Namibian favourites are ‘Siberia’ for Serbia, and calling Vienna ‘Venice’. The ultimate, however, was last year when, at the Lithuania/Poland border, Namibian actually invented a country. Admittedly, various unpronounceable Soviet satellites were created in the nineties, but Lithiastan, I’m afraid, is not one of them. We’ll leave numbers for now - otherwise we’ll be here all day. If you suffer from
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