How to make plans for a social encounter with a monk

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Let me say first that if you aren't reading Jaz's blog, you are missing out on some great adventures. Now I know how some of you felt about waiting for a new blog entry - I check obsessively and begin nagging her if its been a few days since she wrote. So my advice to you all is to go take a look and subscribe now if you haven't already: Jaz's Blog

We have been lucky enough to catch Jaz almost every day on Skype. Her internet connection isn't quite speedy enough to allow video chats, but we chat via instant message and we feel pretty well-connected to what her daily life is looking like. She's happy; we're happy for her. She seems to be looking forward to our visit, and we certainly are looking forward to it! Eight days until we hit the road...

In the meantime, I have continued to communicate via email with my monk friend, Sokol. Sokol is a Cambodian monk living near Bangkok at the moment, attending a Buddhist university there. We are formulating a plan to spend some time together during our one full day in Bangkok, but I must say that the process of clarifying what kind of plans to make or what expectations to have is leaving me a bit confused at times.

Sokol is young (early twenties perhaps?) and whether his impatience with my email turn-around time is a function of his age or his culture, I dont really know. What I do know is that if I dont answer an email within a couple of days, he sends it again, and if I still don't respond quickly, I get more emails from him, worrying about the state of my health, how hard I may be working, or whether I might be angry with him. So I really try to answer promptly, so I don't get the emails where he signs off "Your message waiting friend, Sokol."

So we chat a little about family, about weather, about the change of seasons in Vermont, about what it's like to be a Cambodian monk in Thailand, and this week, we chat about what we will do on October 28th. A couple of days ago, I sent him an email full of questions in an attempt to clarify what he might be expecting in that encounter and hoping to avoid uncomfortable moments while we are all together. So I told him I had many questions, and then I asked them:

• What time will you come to see us and what time must you leave?
  
• What would you like to do while we are all together?
  
• Can we take you to a restaurant to eat?
  
• Is it OK if we give you some money one time to help you with things you need for school?

(This last question was constructed with Jaz's help. I truly wanted to know if it was appropriate to offer him some money to help him as a struggling student, but I didn't want to set up any expectation about ongoing donations.)

This morning I received an enthusiastic response from Sokol, with many answers to my questions, but I find there is still some clarifying to do.

In regard to the restaurant question: "I can go to restaurant with you but can not go big restaurant the nomorl restaurnt i can go in Thailand the monk cant go to big restaurant and i can eat the same table with you in the Buddhism the monk high than all layman and laywomen if i can eat you one place me one place but my place near with your place and we can talk together, all the Budhhist people they respect monk very high." My interpretation is that he can go to a small restaurant frequented by locals, rather than a large Western restaurant, and that we cannot eat at the same table, but we could sit at tables near each other and talk.

In answer to my questions about when he would come to meet us: "I will go to see you on 28 october because i want to see you and your husban so much i must to go see you. I go to meet you on 09:00 AM I leave from my place on 07:00 AM I get breakfast on 06:30 AM already this monk food." It seems he is enthusiastic about getting together and will eat breakfast before he comes...

And to reassure me about the money question: "I know someone never look for money from someone and know you about good friendship if you want to help me for study no problem the money you give me up to you."

I have spared myself the embarrassment of quoting my own questions; they were worded in such a way as to be free of slang or confusing wording, but they looked like some sort of grammatically-correct pidgin English. So here I am, painstakingly constructing present-tense, slang-free emails that attempt to reveal a Cambodian monk's expectations about spending the day with a trio of American strangers and to avoid inadvertently offending him in some way. And here he is, struggling in a foreign language to answer this crazy American woman's questions. And who knows what else he's trying to do? Trying not to offend me? Desperately hoping to find a sponsor to bring him to America? Eagerly forging international ties, with a vision of greater global understanding and awareness about Buddhism? Trying to calculate what approach will result in the largest monetary donation? Excitement about broadening his own world by having connections to people in faraway places?

Am I a terrible cynic? I guess my motive-questioning comes from knowing that sometimes, in that part of the world, Westerners can sometimes be regarded primarily as a source of potential cash. In the same way that poverty-stricken Americans might invest in lottery tickets because of that small chance of hitting the jackpot, people from poverty-stricken countries may invest in relationships with foreigners because of the small chance of hitting it big. If an American decides to "sponsor" you or your family, either in a financial sense from afar or by facilitating your immigration to the US, your life will be dramatically improved. I get it. If Bill Gates stopped by my house, I might drop a few hints myself about ways he could share his wealth to benefit me or my favorite cause.

The e-mail exchange will continue. October 28th ought to make for something to blog about.

And apparently, it's Buy One Get One Free in Bangkok on October 28th: "When i go to meet you i go to with my friend the monk from Cambodia the same me. Can i go to meet you 2 monks?"

Yes, Sokol. Please come to meet us 2 monks, after you have that monk food. I can hardly wait to see how badly I manage to embarrass myself!

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Comments

[darrell]

think positive-------WHEN Bill Gates stops by your house :)

[Sara Denny]

You are hilarious
I just love the pre-travel blog that gets me in the mood for the travel. You add spice to my life. Hope you and Steve have a great time.

[Debbie Bain]

"Your message waiting friend, Debbie
Hi Jess, Just letting you know that you haven't lost your touch - a very amusing blog. I'm a terrible cynic too, but after years of travelling in Asia, I KNOW that you have to be or you will be conned at every turn. Sad but true. You and I now have something in common. I put my youngest daughter (19) on a plane yesterday amid lots of farewell tears. She has gone to live/work on Hayman Island in the Barrier Reef for at least 6 months. Totally different to Jas of course, but still her first real time away from home. I miss her already.