Singapore, Malaysia and a Tainted Moon

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OK, I finnally have a moment to breathe after 2 months of very hectic travel and, as a consequence, I am going to try and bombard your literary senses with as much blogtastic action as possible. As a small aside I want to give a quick apology to all those who have commented on my blog - I have only just managed to usurp my tiny technologically challenged brain's inability to co-operate with computers and read them. Thankyou so much: they are extremely gratefully received and I hope you enjoy this next batch....(this ones for you UG).

Arriving in Singapore was akin to jumping in a car with Michael J Fox. Not only have they heard of the word infrastructure but they are more than willing to put it in to operation to the nth degree. So much so that any character that the place once had has been effectively wiped out leaving behind a sterile, disinfected island. That said I was not complaining: I was well in need of a hit of Western culture after a month and a half of, well, not very western culture!Two days prior to our arrival it became clear that we had not thought about Singapore at all so after a bit of research I booked us a dorm in what appeared to be the most popular hostel in Singapore. So popular that the plebian who answered my email saying we had a room had in fact given it away on our arrival. So, hot, sweaty and not in the best of moods we arrived at what can only be described as an Asian Holiday Inn - sterile does no even cover it. Needless to say we spent as little time there as possible and so, having showered with a very fat and gaseously challenged man, we (by we I dont mean we all challenged with said man: that was just me) headed in to Little Arabia to grab some, hopefully cheap, food. It was there that we sampled our first bit of South-East Asian street food and the bar was pushed up pretty high. Tired but mildly content we hit the germ-free and souless 'Seventh-Storey' Hotel for a much needed sleep.

The following day was mostly spent doing as many things as possible that we would be unable to do for the next 2 months. So, we drank coffee and ate breakfast at Starbucks; went into outrageous shops and tried on their clothes (unfortunatly my daily budget didn't stretch to the $6000 tweed jacket from Ralph Lauren); and went to one very lush hotel to imbibe in a wholly over-priced cocktail. The majority of this took place on Orchard Road: the mind blowing plethora of shopping malls that is Singapore's shopping Mecca. From there we took the very futuristic underground to Raffle's place before taking a stroll over the river to Raffle's hotel to have a little drink. Yes, you guessed it, we had a Singapore Sling - a bargain at $35 a glass (guess my reaction when they asked if I wanted another one!). I dont think the image conveys how happy I was at that point - a copy of the FT, an overpriced cocktail surrounded by fellow travellers who didn't really belong there. That night we found a small Vietnamese restaurant and ate the whole thing with chopsticks (yes mum, even the soup noodles - you would have had a nightmare!). After spending on one Heineken what I would have spent to hire someone to carry my bag in India for a whole year we headed back to seventh storey - light of heart and light of wallet.

The next day dawned clear and bright so we decided to breakfast at yet another starbucks with the sun warming our backs. That morning we boarded a bus that would take us in to Malaysia all the way up to Kuala Lumpur (we missed out Malaka due to some very average reports from fellow travellers, I believe one quote was 'I could find more to do in my shoe than in Malaka'). Now, imagine our faces when we boarded this VIP number. We were now used to climbing on a bus and being very, very happy, nay, exstatic, if there were seats and no livestock. Getting on this thing I flet like I was on Coldplay's tour bus. Huge armchair style seats that reclined fully, a widescreen TV and, get this, we were supplied with 'a snack' that was actually edible - at that point I was very good friends with SE Asia (a relationship that would be very up and down for the next two months or so!).

Pudu Raya bus station was a sharp hit of Asian reality: hot, sweaty and confusing we eventually found a cab and our (very average) hostel. Now, for the sake of all our blushes I will say now that some of what went on in Kuala Lumpur (I refuse to join the trav club and call it KL) was parent friendly. It was in Kuala Lumpur that we met up with Paddy, Ross and Goody and, as a conseqence had some very debauched evenings. For that reason I will sighly censor what happened!!! That first evening we headed to the street food markets of Jalan Aloor after a highly emotional re-unioin with my mate Paddy. After some cracking grub we pushed out a few drinks at a random pub then made the mistake of jumping in a cab and asking him to take us to a club. That he did, he took us to a club alright, the gayest of gay bars in the whole of Kuala Lumpur (note at this point Goody was stomping around the city vainly searching out our whereabouts). We actually had a very fun night, my favourite moment being the part were one particularly gay chap lunged on Ross and tried to give him a snog, a lunge that he duely reciprocated (not really). Another huge highlight had to be the Village People wannabe giving it theatrical stage style dance moves on the podium - a real crowd pleaser.

The following day we headed over to check out the Petronus Towers and to take advantage of its facitilites (massage chair and driving range - Ross decided he didnt like it there and so threw a brand new Callaway driver out of the simulator and back in to the shop proper). At a bit of a loose end we decided to go to the cinema to see a film we had never heard of - always a risky option but one that turned in our favour. We went to see 'Catch and Release': the love in the room afterwards was palpable! That night rather than eat well on Jalan Aloor we ate what was effectively sick on a plate - no joke. It was like someone had fed vomit to a dog and that dog had then re-vomitted that vomit on to my plate. Thirty chicken satay sticks later we headed to our roof terrace with 3 bottles of Malay whisky, not enough mixer and a new friend (hello Dom). From there commenced one of the best nights of the trip, sitting around with friends, over-looking the city lights sharing stories and music galore: heaven. We eventually got to bed at aroun 5am extremely content and more than a little bit inebriated. The following day I spent looking around China-Town with the boys and, after buying a pari of ray-bans, a diesel watch, a pair of shorts, 2 T-Shirts and 7 DVDs for 15 quid, it was night time again. Largely the same as the previous night (but-for a cracking meal) we hit the roof with the whisky and the ipod. We eventually mobilised and went to a club - THE SAME CLUB AS THE FIRST NIGHT. Ross could not be disuaded. One extremely vivid memory is of Charlotte dancing around a pole on the upper podium with four of us boys dancing around her, on the lower podium, in rather evocative style. I also seem to remember deciding with Goody and Dom that the drinks were too expensive so we went to a petrol station and hung out with some homeless people drinking special brew for half an hour.

Back on Changit Buckit Bintang the night continued in style with more whisky flowing and plenty of warnings from hostel management - as the sun bagan to rise I decided to go to bed and leave Ross and Charlie on the roof. They stayed up there for quite a while - im guessing they had a really deep and meaningful conversation. I awoke to a scene of absolute carnage: it was 8am, we were due on the bus at 9 and there were 6 people in our triple room, not cool. The rest of that day was an utter ordeal: we made the bus (just) after negotiating Pudu Raya and eventually arrived in Penang. Charlie and I then sat down whilst Megan looked for the hostel for about 2 hours. It was like coming upon an oasis. Hutton Lodge had only been open for 3 days and it was lush. Penang was largely spent in recovery mode and very nice it was too. Wandering the streets of George-Town we went to Fort something or other (where I dressed up as a British soldier and marched around with a rifle) and, predictably, Raffles. After 3 days we began to get a little bit edgy and so headed over to Langkawi - a very attracive island just off the Thai border. There we spent a very relaxing 5 days (meaning we didnt have to pay for visa extension in Thailand) on the beach and in coffee houses. A few of the highlights are as follows:

-Watching Casion Royale with no sound and Thail translated English sub-titles;
-Sunset beers on the beach having taken large amounts of pretentious phtographs;
-Losing Megan's phone and buying her a buddha and an ice-cream to replace it;
-Watching the girls fall over themselves trying to gain the attention of one particularly muscle-bound chap. And failing;
-Finding the gayest man in the world and pretending he was Millsy;
-Pretending to be Daniel-Son from Karate Kid;
-Having a fried breakfast (its all in the detail);
-Eatin every night at the Rose Teas2 - incredible food and very cheap indeed;
-Debbie's Irish Bar (she only had one arm).

Malaysia is odd. A complete amalgam of all things Asian thus failing to give itself any kind of real identity. That said I dont really qualify to have an opiniion seen as I only went to three places!

We eventually steeled ourselves and crossed the pretty scary border in to Thailand before heading over to Krabi. There we made what eventually turned out to be one of the most ill-advised decisoins of our lives. We went to Kho Pha Ngan for the Full-Moon Party. Now before I start my rant let me say this - we did it all wrong. Rather than stay else-whereon the island we stayed on the full-moon beach (Hat-Rin) - a huge error in itself because it is a cess-pit. Second, as well as finding some excellent company we found some very dodgy company as well which left the whole experience with a taint. Third, The following rant may seem slightly over the top but it is what I wrote the day after the party and so I will scribe it verbatim to illustrate how I was feeling at the time. Fourth, I actually had three very good nights during the build up to the party - its was jsut the party itself and Hat -Rin during the day that left me with a very sour taste in my mouth.

So here is what I wrote the day after the Full Moon party:

Arriving in Hat Rin was like arriving in Magaluf, on speed, in the middle of the monsoon - I immediately dispised the place. That said I jumped in feet first on the first few nights drinking the buckets and wearling all manner of things UV: that is why I am in danger of being slightly hipocritical. The Full-Moon party is not only an abhorent abuse of what im sure used to be a place of great beauty but it also brings together all of the evils of western society provding a micro-cosm of what is wrong with much of it. Think excessive alcohol, highly excessive drug use, the resulting violence - throw in a huge dose of cultural ignorance and you have it in a nutshell. You are therefore left with two options. Get completely wasted, have a pretty good time but lead yourself in to pretty unsafe territory (ie St Helens on a night out) or stay sober, have an average time but stay relatively safe. I plugged for the latter and am very glad I did. Oh, and it rained the whole time.

That is why I was a very happy boy on the night train to Bangkok. We eventually arrived in Bangkok after 17 hours on that bad-boy and jumped in a taxi to Bang Na where we were due to stay with a friend of Charlotte's. I dont think we could have been more grateful - we had tea and toast, hot showers, watched a film and were treated to a highly authentic Thai culinary experience. Excellent. In a very, very contented frame of mind thoughts turned with vast excitment to out next adventure - in Cambodia.

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