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Published: November 16th 2011
Flying from the Philippines to Hanoi Vietnam our preferred destination, proved exorbitantly expensive and also very time consuming. On the other hand, a direct cheap flight to Ho Chi Minh City was easily booked and so our travel plans were re-jigged and we will now be travelling south to north.
They say that old habits die hard and in the case of the name of Vietnam’s southern capital, there is no truer statement. It is probably more common to hear the population refer to Ho Chi Minh City as Saigon even though it was renamed in 1975. Regardless of the name you choose, there is no escaping that the city is a wild one. The traffic is simply indescribable. But of course I will try to describe it.....and probably fail miserably to provide some kind of insight. The photos attached will no doubt give you a better feel for the abounding chaos, especially the 10 or so photos I have included to outline the crazy way in which the people utilise their motorbikes and scooters in the form of freight and logistics.
Staying on the subject of motorbikes, they are a serious lifeline for the Vietnamese and the most
common choice of transport. Men and women of all ages and sizes buzz around somewhat dangerously. With so many of the things you would expect to see frequent accidents however the give way rules are simple and help to avoid collisions.....if it’s bigger than you, you give way. If you are walking, you give way to bicycles. If you are cycling, you give way to motorbikes. Motorbikes give way to cars and cars give way to trucks and busses. The rules of course are unwritten and although it is really just a big game of “chicken”, I would dare anyone to take the risk!
The written road rules are often broken (red lights mean little, as does the direction of travel one way roads and the prohibition of driving on footpaths) however, all riders abide by the helmet wearing rule. It is very rare to see a scooterer without a helmet or should I say plastic hat. I can only surmise that the “helmets” are so popular because they have become a fashion statement. But with fashion comes alterations away from purpose. The “helmets” are nothing more than a thin plastic hat and look more like a horse jockey’s
helmet than a biker’s helmet. I doubt that in the advent of an accident, that the “helmets” would actually provide any protection whatsoever. I am also sure that the likes of Burberry, Channel, Luis Vuitton, Dolce & Gabbana, Nike, Manchester United and FC Barcelona aren’t manufacturing these “helmets” as the locals might have you believe.
With so much traffic, the riders and drivers have regular hornasms. This word (created by me) is defined below and will one day without doubt be officially included by Collins and Macquarie et al.
Hornasm; (n) Horn’~asm, (Australien), the act of tooting all too frequently, carelessly and without necessity resulting in peculiar extreme enjoyment.
You will have noted that I have titled this blog “Vietscam” (I am sure you noticed). This is with very good reason. To be honest Vietnam has done little to impress me. Sure, the traffic in the big cities is a great tourist attraction and highly enjoyable to watch and sure the sights of Ha Long Bay and the mountains of Sa Pa are superb natural treasures but there is an underlying issue in Vietnam that is undeniably unavoidable and is downright annoying to the enth degree. In
Beep beep
I can count 1,354 scooters in this shot..you?the end we only spent a little over 2 weeks in Vietnam and this is in part was because we were just fed up with someone trying to rip us off or scam us at every turn. The country and its sights are world class, the people however care little for tourists and their only aim is to earn as much money as possible from them. Unfortunately this often means conning, scamming, lying, at almost every opportunity. Most Vietnamese we encountered were friendly enough at first, although smiling is certainly not a practised pastime. We found the friendliness diminished rapidly once they realised that you were not going to buy something from them or book something through their agency.
We are fairly seasoned travellers and I would guess more vigilant and thick skinned than most. Nevertheless, the scamming and constant attempts at ripping us off got beyond a joke to us. On or last night in Hanoi I wanted a cold drink, not always easily acquired even though it’s always 25°C+, so I searched and found a little shop and requested a bottle of water and a can of 7Up. Having already been in Vietnam for over 2 weeks,
Cu Chi tunnels
It's no wonder the war was won by the locals! I know that together the cost should be around 12,000vd - 20,000vd but of course it’s not that easy to buy a drink. The girl, sans smile and personality, shows me her mobile phone with 50,000vd written on the screen. Without even trying to negotiate I walked out, again annoyed. On another occasion a woman selling bread on the street offered 2 bread rolls for 50,000vd and laughed at us when we thought she said 15,000vd and offered her such. When we realised she actually said 50,000vd we had the final laugh buy handing back the rolls and not buying from her. She then smiled nicely (in genuinely) and accepted our offer of 15,000vd....we declined. To help you realise our annoyance, 50,000vd equates to about AUD$2,50. Who in their right mind would pay that much for 2 bread rolls? I know that they think us westerners are all rich, and that may be quite so by comparison but if I am rich, I did not get rich by being stupid with my money.
We were given a valuable tip in Ho Chi Minh City that we should only use Mei Linh taxis as they use official meters and are
I dare you to fit
Tunnel entrance at Cu Chi fair and can be trusted. We don’t often use taxis as buses are far cheaper but when it is early or late it is far safer. The one and only time we didn’t use a Mei Linh taxi (they were not available) we took another taxi (with meter) at night after 6 hours of bus and boat travel. It was a trip we had done 4 days previously and knew that the cost should be around 40,000vd - 50,000vd and take about 10-15 minutes. After about 2 minutes the meter read 32,000vd and was climbing fast. By the time we managed to stop the taxi, the meter read over 60,000vd. We foolishly (but also probably wisely at the same time) paid the fare and got out. We were left stranded somewhere in Hanoi at 8pm at night with little money (not enough for the next cab fare), tired and seriously annoyed. To highlight the point, we managed to withdrawn money, hail a Mei Linh taxi and ride the remaining 90% of our journey for just 24,000vd. We later that night heard a story from other tourists whereby they paid an astonishing 380,000vd (almost AUD$100!) for a taxi ride that should
Wanna shoot big guns?
Bullet buying counter...ridiculous! have cost no more than 40,000vd all because it was their first taxi ride and they didn’t notice the meter. At least we minimised the damage.
In HCMC we took a day tour the the Cu Chi tunnels. This is the most popular site for tourists to see the Viet Cong's tunnels from the Vietnam war. The tunnels have been widened to fit us tourists! In short the day was great. It was good to see how crazy the Vietnamese were to live and fight in these seriously hot, dark, small tunnels. Disappointingly, at the end of the tour you can pay to shoot machine guns and rifles. Why? The whole day is about how the war was devestating and many died and yet they then turn around and ask "who wants to buy some ammo and shoot guns?". The irony wasn't lost on me. We didn't shoot and we didn't sit 10m from the shooting where the noise was way too high for safey eating ice cream!
Our time in HCMC was involuntarily extended thanks to a typhoon that was heading on from the South China Sea. Ironically it was the same typhoon that we had successfully
Finally!
After 2 days, our plane is leaving! dodged a few days earlier in the Philippines. Our flight to Danang was firstly delayed, secondly delayed (almost sounds like an auction) and thirdly, CANCELLED...well that’s one way to lose a day of travelling. The weather forecasts were terrible and so we chose to abort our travels to Danang and Hoian (sorry Thal!) and the capital Hanoi called our number, but not after 7 hours of more airport delays the following day!
Arriving at the Hanoi bus station we were accosted (as always) by a hotelier spruiking his hotel and offering a free “no obligations to stay” taxi ride into town. Perfect. And again we struck gold. His hotel was great and only $14 a night with breakfast!
Some highlights (or notable experiences) of Hanoi for us were:
• Free lance photographers by the lake. We walked a lap of the lake and counted over 20 brides and grooms getting their photos taken. It was a Tuesday. I have heard about turning up to a hotel without a reservation but really.....
• Book sellers lurking around every corner offering photocopied versions of travel guides. We know of an Australian/German couple that managed to buy a Vietnam
guide for just $3. Cheap hey! These sellers sometimes carry about 40 books. Tough job but good service.
• Dog meat for sale....complete dogs on a spit no less! No thanks.
• Woman stretching in weird, brisk movements early in the morning. Many just standing outside their shops warming up before a hard day’s work.
• Kick shuttlecock game thing. The locals can kick a spring loaded shuttlecock-type-thing to and fro without a problem. Australians can’t!
• Every dinner table has toothpicks. Like.
• In the Philippines, we heard the saying “big nose price” i.e. a price for the tourists. In Vietnam they just simply write “foreigner ticket” on their train tickets. Why hide the fact that they are charging us more than they do the locals?
• We hired bicycles for a day of traffic fighting fun. We were exhausted but by the end of the day we were cheating death as good as the locals by cruising through busy intersections as haphazardly as the local folk.
• Booking our bus ticket to Halong Bay with a guy that spoke no English. Problem solved quickly though (the guy was a genius) he
just turned his screen around and typed his questions into Google Translate...boom..we had his questions in English (even if he once told us that we could by the tickets on the beach!). Inventive.
Following a tip from a fellow traveller we looked towards Catba Island as our launching point for Halong Bay. And what a great tip it turned out to be. Whilst a little touristic (where isn’t in Vietnam?) it boasts some good beaches, a nice national park and cheap accommodation...$7 a night (from a hotelier at the bus station again!)! We met some great new friends too. Unusually, but maybe showing our age, 2 German girls, one of which had 2 young girls with her. It was fun though and they made our Halong Bay cruise most enjoyable.
We booked an overnight boat trip to Halong Bay and the aforementioned Germans accompanied us on our first day. After day one we then went it alone but I digress. Day one was great (even though the “English speaking guide” was never sighted – yet another example of Vietnamese treating the travellers with contempt). A highlight for me was a monkey stealing a women’s camera (see photo). Stupid
tourist. Obviously the real highlight though were the shear limestone formations that splatter the bays like spots on a Dalmation. They are truly a sight to behold. Many of them seem to balance precariously denying gravity longer than what would usually seem possible.
Our “overnighter” turned out to be a private affair. It was just us all alone on a big junk. Yep, just us....and 3 boat staff. Classic. The food was fantastic and plentiful and our tour guide quite funny, although again not great with the English side of things.
Back on Catba Island we hired a scooter for the day to explore the island. This was my first foray into anything that even resembled a motorcycle since that terrifying day at Magic Kingdom in the early 80’s when as a 7 year old I rode a “pee-wee 50” (my first ever motorbike ride) alone for about 5 metres and then straight into the safety boarding around the small dirt track, crashing the thing and burning my leg in the meantime. With those ghosts of the past pushed with difficulty into the depths of my now old full mind, we set off for the national park. I
No menu...just point and hope
Big lucky yummy feast in Hanoi know you are waiting for the big bang at the end of this story but actually, I drove quite well, as did Chris. It was fun! Best $4 (rental cost) we have spent thus far!
Another funny little story from Catba Island was crossing the paths of a “travel agent” (title used very loosely) named Trung. Like most Vietnamese, Trung was a good 30cm shorter than, me and was of course a skinny guy. He was full of personality which immediately stop us. Our first encounter was him stopping on his scooter right in front of us to ask if we wanted to do a cruise or rent a motorbike. The conversation went something like this:
“Ahhhh, hello. You wa to re moto by or do crew to Halo Bay?”
“Maybe. How much is a bike for a whole day?”
“I do goo pri for you. You come to my offi and we taw”
So we follow him to his “office” (a desk sitting on a footpath outside a restaurant).
“Wa you wan to do?
“Maybe a cruise to Halong Bay”
“Ahhhhhh Halo Bay. I do goo pri for you yeaahhhhh ahhhhhhh”
“So how much is a 2
day cruise”
“I no sure. I find ou for you” (at this stage he didn’t even know the cost and ended up jumping on his scooter and leaving us there whilst he found out! On his return...)
“Fipty Fi dolla. Yeaaaahh, ahhhhhhh, ver goo pri ahhhhhhh”
As it turns out his pricing wasn’t so “goo”, and we booked with our own hotel. We did embarrassingly bump into Trung the next day when we were walking to the beach and he spotted me a hundred metres away and started yelling my name....Ry. Ry. Ry ahhhhhh. Funny stuff!
Our return to Hanoi and onward journey to the mountain town of Sapa in the far north included a bus, boat, bus, bus, taxi (partly conned), taxi (not conned), night train, bus (conned) and walk totalling something like 17 hours of interesting travel. Again we were kind of accosted and introduced to a hotel offering the world. Again, we were pleasantly surprised. Lucky again! We took in a trek the next day to a local minority community with a tour guide and 3 uninvited H’mong locals. It is quite amusing really. Walking the streets of Sapa in the early morning we commented
Bia Hoi!
I just wish that the stools were bigger that there is no use visiting a local village as it was apparent that all of the villagers were now in Sapa. The reason was abruptly clear as to why when we started walking and 3 of them quickly hijacked our tour. Three women aged 15, 35 and 52 (and all clearly less than 1.5m tall and 45kgs) walked with us for about 10kms to their village making the trek through rice paddies and down slippery muddy mountain tracks that little more special. They wear traditional clothing but only plastic sandals and make gifts in the shape of animals and hearts (for Chris) from rice stalks and flowers etc. Of course it doesn’t go without a catch. On arrival at their village they hit you with their sales pitch and you just have to buy something from them. “You do shopping with me?” Of course we will! For the record, the 15 years old was married and 4 months pregnant!
And so with a return night train to Hanoi our time in Vietscam came to an end but not before we had to haggle with a driver to get us to the airport. He started at 350,000vd and the
Chicken feet
Tasty.....in a grisley kind of way price we paid ended up 200,000vd. I felt like we had finally won one of the battles.
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