Jungle Trekking & The Posh Bitch Episode

---

This week we have done city and river and now it's jungle time.Our adventure begins with an early morning pick up from our hotel at 8am. A four hour drive to Nam Cat Tien National Park which is about 150km from Saigon. The park is located in the middle of three provinces: Dong Nai, Lam Dong and Binh Phuoc and is home to over 600 varieties of plants, 240 types of birds and 50 species of mammals. It's a long drive but our guide Lee keeps us amused, teaching us Vietnamese, telling us stories and breaking the trip with a coffee stop. The Vietnamese love their coffee! Lee has a strong Vietnamese iced coffee about four times a day, it is so strong it's like a super charged triple espresso on ice. No wonder he is so energetic. He tells us that his grandma used to feed him teaspoons of it when he was three months old and that he would cry if he didn't get it. We arrive at the entry to the national park and unload our suitcases into the dirt. So happy to have Lee with us to negotiate with the ticket lady, they argue back and forth, something about our driver before they sort it out. No one speaks English. We load the suitcases on to a little boat and cross the river to the resort enterance.I am not sure what this stay will be like. This is a local tour, booked by our Hanoi travel agent Vietnamstay. It's not a tour that you can book through places like Flight Centre so I am not sure what it's going to be like. Mixed reviews on trip adviser but generally good so we are giving it a try. We really want to experience the gibbon call in the morning and I have organised jungle treks because I know the kids will love it. And the big kid too. We are whisked off on electric cars to the Forest Floor Lodge. It is an old ranger station and is basically in the middle of the jungle, overlooking a river. We are taken to our rooms which are little huts in the middle of the jungle. Just our two together. They are nice little huts, quite basic with rock hard beds and generators for electricity. We are shown how to turn the gas heater on for the shower and told that the generators (which means air conditioning peoples!) goes off at 10pm until the morning. The staff are sweet and the lady that greets us speaks good English so thats a good start. The place is owned by an English researcher and his lovely Vietnamese wife but we don't see much of them around the place. We begin with a set three course lunch. I am a little over the pre planned meals by now and would prefer to order our own meals, but hey, we go with the flow. Mostly because it's so hot, the kids and I struggle to eat a lot in the eat and hate to waste the food that they bring out. It's clear from the start this is a very basic set up, food is obviously on jungle time and the kids are getting restless. Our juices and smoothies arrive heavily diluted with water (water from where?) and with one lonely ice cube bobbing about in a warmish glass. Expectations are not high as it's obviously difficult to make ice when the generators go off all the time, but it is really hot and the Luke warm drinks are a worry. Paul is fine because the beer is cold, we drink our drinks but steer the kids towards soft drink next time. Best to stick to 7up I think.The food is ok, local Vietnamese but not my favourite. A greasy crispy filled pancake for lunch which we nibble on. After lunch we are collected for our first jungle experience. A 5km trek with a guide through the jungle. It's hot hot hot and I am not sure how I will cope with it, but hey, there is no way I am going to be the mum who doesn't go along with the kids because I am not as fit as them, so off I go. WITH A SMILE.... Take that boys!!! It's a bit cooler once we get in the thick of it, it's quiet, and damp and the path is filled with volcanic rocks, mud slides and sneaky little branches trying to trip you up. Our guide tells us we should have worn long pants because of the leeches. I look horrified and he tells me not to worry, just flick them off, they won't hurt. "They take the bad blood"..... Max looks horrified, Tom looks intrigued and Harry looks like he just won the lottery. LEECHES!!!!! So cool!! The leeches strike pretty much straight away. Little skinny worms, about 2cm long, standing up on their (heads? Toes???) and wiggle wiggle wiggling around till they can stick to us. I pull them off Max's back and keep a close eye on the back of his legs. He looks worried and keeps checking his legs. I tell him "don't worry mate, I have ya back" and I meant that litterally! I was watching his back like a mamma hawk!!! Get off my babies you blood sucking little @&####s!!!! I have covered myself in a thick coat of bushmans insect repellent as I was worried about mozzies. Harry and I are the mozzies favourite food. The leeches stick to my legs but don't seem to take hold so I just flick them off. I see them burrowing their skinny little bodies through the air vents of my asics sneakers and I am amazed at their tenacity. They wiggle all the way in til I see their little ends sticking out and I haul them out with a yelp. The leeches were a bonus on the trek as I was so fixated on them, the walk just flew by. Harry was picking them off his legs and making them suck on his hand til they puffed up with blood. Disgusting, but typical harry. He wanted to see them in action. Paul got a few that were fat and swollen with his blood by the time he pulled them off and they splatted, squirting bright red blood everywhere. Gory!! It was very peaceful tramping our way through, the pace was quick as the boys kept up with the guide and I had to keep up with them all. I nearly went over a few times but ended up using my arms to balance as we went over all the rocks and although I looked like a total dick, it worked for me and kept me on my feet. We had to keep very quiet as we were looking for gibbons, but didn't spot any this time. I survived the 5k!! Yay for me!! Happy Dance!!! ("Mum you are soo weird".....) We head back to our rooms for a shower, but find the generator isn't working so no electricity, water, or toilet flushing. Excelllllllllent......... Paul goes to investigate the power box, finds a snake wrapped around the buttons in there..... And ends up asking for for help. Meanwhile the natives are getting restless. They are hot, they are tired, they are bored. Tom and Harry start "play" fighting. It ends with Tom throwing himself onto the bed that already has the mozzie net down, riiiiiiip........ One rip in the mozzie net already (shades of Oscar and Tom in the Bali Villa) note to other parents, delicate mozzie nets and little boys are not a good mix. Tom is now in big trouble. On dishes for a week when we return. Max is happy, that means less dishes for him when we get back. Tom is furious that he is being blamed for the mozzie net .... The old "Harry pushed me" defence. Harry probably did push him, who knows and who cares. I am yelling at the kids, wearing only A towel because I can't get any water out of the spider infested shower. Tom suffers from what we refer to in our family as a "daddy, I want a pony" moment. Remember the spoilt girl in the Willy Wonka movie? That is where it hails from. Max reports that Tom "thinks this place is a shit hole"...... Tom is obviously suffering from 5* accommodation withdrawal and is hot, cranky and acting like a spoilt brat. He gets a lecture on why he should be grateful he is in this jungle until he cracks it and calls me "a posh bitch"...... Yes, I am sharing this with you my friends so you know how Angelic my children really are. So when you see my angelic looking son in my face book photos... You know better. The "posh" bit makes me want to wet my pants laughing. Being back in close quarters this week has been nice. Getting used to being with each other 24/7 takes a few days and it's interesting to see how much we all have changed from holiday to holiday. Harry turns 14 while we are here and he is really showing signs of teenage boy syndrome. He has informed me this week of all my failings. They are, according to Harry: You are too posh mumYou use too many big words mumWhy do you want everything to be perfect ?? (When I try to stop him getting car sick)You laugh like a hyena mum..... There was a time they all thought I was hilarious! That time has obviously passed. Although Max does still laugh at my jokes... Anyway.... That is the background behind the posh bitch comment. He thought it was pretty funny.... I did not (no, really I didn't!) Paul and I escape from our ferrel children and have a drink on an open top deck overlooking the river. Nice. We head off on a night safari at 8pm, piled on to the back of an open top jeep. No safety rules here, we have to duck quickly to avoid jungle vines whipping into your face. Paul cops a barbed vine across the neck the next day leaving its thorns embedded in his neck. Note to selves... Wear glasses next time. We spot deer, snakes and a baby feral pig and head back to our rooms. I awake in the night to some type of animal in our room. It has claws and I can hear it on the wooden floor, it's big, like a big lizard or rat and it's creeping around. I have the mozzie net tucked in all around the bed and no lights as the generator is off. I wonder if I should look for my phone for a light source but decide I am better off not knowing. I poke Paul and tell him there is something in our room and he grunts and goes back to sleep. I lie there til morning..... Morning cannot come quick enough. No signs of my nocturnal visitor. Glad I don't know what it was. I am feeling delicate and cannot face breakfast this morning. Very queasy, so just a coffee and we head off for our 10km trek. Let my clarify here that at no stage when I was organising this trip did I realise I would be walking 10kms. I thought the most was an hour walk, not a four hour walk!! We head off. Slathered head to toe in bushmans repellent. We have put it over our shoes and socks and it seems to work a lot better, not as many leeches. We hear the gibbons calling through the Jungle. We have to be very quiet so that they forget we are there. They sing out to each other and it's lovely. Our guide takes Max and Tom off the path to track them down. He can only take a couple with him so we wait on the track for them to return. They hunt them down and see the gibbons in the wild, looking at them, wondering who the heck they are And swinging around. Harry finds a chameleon on the path and wants to capture it. No Harry......He wants to poke it with a stick to see if it changes colour when agitated. No Harry...... On we trek, everyone sees gibbons and baboons except me!! I am too busy watching my feet so I don't break my neck on the rocks. We stop after 5kms at Crocodile Lake. According to my notes we are supposed to stop here for an hour to paddle in the lake and spot crocs but the Ranger has recently been attacked. A croc jumped him in the boat and took a big bite out of his shoulder so they are not taking visitors out in the boat while its breeding season, the crocs are too aggressive. Soooooo..... We turn around and walk back. I sustain myself by singing that "in the jungle the mighty jungle" song and telling myself that just like Dory.... Keep on swimming keep on swimming....I just want to get out of the bloody jungle as quick as I can. Even the boys agree and they step up the pace, no resting to look at trees or take photos... Let's get outta here!!!! Ahhhh!!! Light! I can see the light!!!! It is done! I have walked 10 k s through leech infested, slippery muddy rocks. Geez I am good. Wait til I tell the girls about this on Facebook..... Paul is very proud and even the boys tell me I have done a good job. We head back for a quick shower and check out. No bloody hot water, so I splash around in the spider shower again and cannot wait to leave this place. I do not feel great, we are taken to another restaurant, and presented with another three course meal which I cannot even look at. I go out the back of the restaurant and like the posh person I am, sit out the back and vomit on the leeches. Take that you wiggly little fiends.

---

Photos

image
Loaded up with luggage we head to the resort

image
Angelic child .... Not

image
Nearly there look happy