Hanoi in a nutshell

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OK, so I know it's been a while since I posted and it seems that all my adoring fans are clamoring for more. There's just been a lot going on, and well...I got lazy. Where I left off was leaving Phong Nha farmstay, which I forgot to mention something cool. The mother of Bich is this super old lady who is a decorated war hero for the North Vietnamese. She served as a medic in the most bombed valley in world history and when I got sick there she gave me some weird mystery pills and I got better almost instantly. One time she put a bunch of leaves and oils on a kids stomach and chanted and he got better too. Thought I'd throw that in. Also, we ate some very huge prawns at the BBQ.

So then that brings me to Hanoi. We took another 12 hour sleeper bus up to the capital city of Hanoi. It was a huge shock from being in the middle of nowhere to suddenly being in a crazy busy city. And when I say crazy, I mean crazy. The traffic here is unlike anything you can even imagine. Motorbikes zip around like huge schools of tiny fish darting in and out between the larger cars, trucks, and buses. Why anyone would drive a $400,000 Bentley in this madness is beyond me (although many government people do- yay Communism). On our way out of Phong Nha, we met Minh who was working there but also taking a bus up to Hanoi because he wanted to get back to city life. When our scheduled bus left us on the side of the road waiting for 3 hours, he got his brother (?) who was a bus driver to pick us up and he kind of adopted us as his new mission. Ever since we've been in Hanoi, Minh has been showing us around intent on getting us deals through all of his travel agent 'brothers'. The first day we had in the city we went to the Museum of Ethnology, which was actually pretty cool. There are so many diverse cultural groups in Vietnam, minorities as they may be. But the museum has about 9 traditional houses from many different cultures out back, so it was cool to see how people lived and still do in the more remote areas. It's just been so hot in Hanoi, even the locals are complaining. It's about 100 with 70% humidity. And if you think it'll get better at night when the sun is down, think again. It's just stinkin hot.

The second day Steve had to go to the consulate to get more pages in his passport so that we could go to Cambodia. So Minh decided to show me around the local part of town and we went to the 'student market'. It's just near the university, but it was a place that there was not even a single other white person and people didn't understand me when I said 'How much?" in English. That means tourists never ever come here. I ended up buying a few weird Asian T shirts and getting to eat some things that I would have never found on my own. Like bean juice. Or something like that. It was a glass filled with a sweet liquid and a bunch of black beans at the bottom. The little old woman in that back alley put a bit of coconut milk on top along with shredded coconut and handed it to me. As I sat on the tiny plastic footstools meant for 5 year olds (as is customary in their country), I surprisingly enjoyed every minute of that cooling drink/snack.

My time with Minh was fun, and we were true locals when we waited an hour and a half for the bus that is supposed to run every 15 minutes. We then stood on that bus for another hour and a half to go 5 km back into the city during rush hour. What didn't help is that there was a fire in the Old Quarter, where I and just about all the other tourists were staying. The fire was a few blocks from my hotel, and we met up with Steve and went to have dinner. At around 9pm the fire was still blazing and pushing it's way back toward us, so we packed up our stuff and found a new hotel. Being on the 5th floor of a Vietnamese hotel does not give you good chances in a fire. Not like there are smoke detectors or accessible stairways or anything. And we could see the flames from our window. So we moved.

After that, we were going to go do a homestay in a traditional village for a night or two. You go and stay with a little family that takes tourists all the time and they pretend to live like people did in the old days. Except that they are watching tv and on their cell phones the whole time. Instead, Minh desperately wanted to 'make BBQ' in his hometown and suggested we go with him. So we rented 2 motorbikes, one for Steve and I rode with Minh on the back. Let me just say that driving in Hanoi on a motorbike is one of the scariest things I've done in my life. It seems to have no rhyme or reason to it, but somehow it usually works. Damned if I know how though.

We got out of the city and started driving toward the most beautiful countryside. I dare say that it contested Phong Nha, plus once we got out of the city motorbiking was fun! I'd like to get a little bike for Denver I think. We passed tons and tons of rice fields and those really quintessential Asian mountains. Giant green lumps sticking out of the earth all over the place. We passed duck farms and people walking their water buffalo. We stop and get a boat to paddle us 4 km down a river to go to Perfume Pagoda. On the way we stop at a little pagoda. I don't know why we did, but we did. Inside there were these ancient people, about 4 of them. I don't know if you've ever seen a little Vietnamese lady with completely black rotten teeth, but it means only one thing- betel nuts. In Vietnam it is traditional to chew these nuts that get you high, and it turns your mouth bright red. After years and years, you look just plain hideous. Of course they pour us some green tea and start preparing some nuts for us. There is no way to refuse this. It is happening. It starts with a nut the size of an acorn and then they smear some white paste on a leaf. You wrap the nut in the leaf and chew it on one side of your mouth until it is practically gone. Let me say here publicly that it tastes awful!!!! But I had to continue even though my face felt very weird and bright red juice was dripping all down my chin and staining my pants. I looked like a rabid dog with it's fangs dripping with blood. I stood up all dizzy and got back into the boat. Life experience # 372- Do drugs with a 100 year old lady in a pagoda- CHECK.

Finally we come to a little town and we just have to stop in for a minute to see Minh's 'brother'. This town has about 100 tiny homes in it and we're zipping around the narrow roads. We stop at one and get off, tired from the trip. We are invited into the sitting area of this tiny home, always right next to the altar dedicated to their ancestors. We are seated and given tiny cups of green tea. We have to drink it no matter how dirty the cups are- that we learn quickly. The person he is visiting does not speak any English of course, not even Hello. So we say the 2 things we know in Vietnamese- Hello and Thank you. PS- Vietnamese is ridiculously hard to learn! The tonality of the language ensures I can never ever say anything right even if I have memorized how to spell it. Minh chats with them for a while and we get back on the scooters. Then we proceed to stop at about 52 of the 100 homes and it's the exact same thing. Sit down, drink tea, and pretend to be interested in their altar. No one in this town has ever seen a white person in person. Only on TV. I couldn't believe it. We were truly in the middle of nowhere. One house was 2 people Minh didn't even know. We walk in and there is a guy with one leg seated on the floor with Guiness Book of Records style fingernails. There is clearly something wrong with one of his eyes. We walk in and what else? Green tea. Lindsey can never make fun of my germ phobia again after this trip- I've done some things I'm not proud of. He starts to play his guitar with 2 strings for us and sing the same song over and over. We sat there smiling. His wife hits me repeatedly with her fan and I don't know why. I keep smiling. Minh talks with him for a minute and we leave. Thankfully he said that the guy lost his leg in the French war in 1952. Steve and I were both relieved.

We finally get to his aunt and uncle's house and they invite us to stay for the night. It was not the original plan, but ok. I tell them I want to buy them dinner, so the old lady takes us to the market of their town. As we walk down the street one 12 year old girl sees me and literally gasps as if she's seen a ghost. I did it right back to her. There were animals for sale I had never seen before, and the aunt asks us if we want her to cook up a dog for dinner. We decline graciously and buy a duck. As the woman was cleavering this duck's head apart (beak and all) I pay her the $1.50 the whole duck costs. We get a giant fish that is still wriggling in a bucket half full with water and a pork loin that was actually very delicious. I help the old lady cook and clearly cut everything up wrong. I've been chopping garlic my whole life, but apparently I needed a lesson on it. We had a genuine feast, way too much food for us to eat, but she kept insisting ' Please, please eat more duck face!' So I ate a little more duck face as Steve drank local beet our of a gasoline can with the uncle. It was truly an experience. After dinner we visited about 7 more of Minh's 'brothers'. The next day we had rain. SERIOUS rain. So we cancelled the next day of visiting people and headed back to Hanoi. What a shame that we only had 60 cups of green tea, we could have easily had 37 more.

Driving back to Hanoi was terrifying and I had one hand death gripped on the back of the motorbike and the other on my cross praying. But we made it.

After that we took a tour to Halong Bay. Long story short, the scenery was beautiful, Vietnamese tourist tours suck. Let's leave it at that. Last night though, we had a FANTASTIC gourmet meal at the White Lotus restaurant. It was by far one of the fanciest restaurants I've ever been to and the set menu was fantastic. We walked out of there with 2 set menus, a bottle of wine, and an extra dessert for $60. No way we could have ever afforded this place at home. Sometimes Vietnam is great.

We are now flying down to Saigon to catch a bus to Cambodia. We're going to spend a few days seeing Ankor Wat and then hopefully a few days at the beach. But the trip is winding down and we will be back in Saigon on the 27th to prepare for leaving on the 28th. It's amazing how fast a summer goes by. I'll post pictures of this part of the trip when I can.

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