Hanoi

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Polly:

Well, what can I say about Hanoi? Hmmmm! I'll try and be as positive as possible, but it really wasn't the greatest place that we've visited.

Before we arrived we booked online with Hostelworld to stay at the Lucky Paradise Hotel in the centre of the old town. It was described as a 'boutique hotel' and was reasonably priced at 15US$ a night. It also offered a half price airport pick-up, which would have been really handy as we were arriving late at night.

On arriving at Hanoi airport at about 11pm we looked around for someone waving our names on a card, but nobody was there. When we phoned the hotel they said that they had forgotten to check their e-mails, and to make our own way there! The official taxi counter charged 30US$ to get to the centre, but we were quickly approached by some smooth looking dude offering us a taxi for 15US$. The whole thing was really dodgy and men in suits immediately started pointing us towards different men in suits and making lots of phone calls. We were a bit sceptical, and were debating whether to go with these guys when they all disappeared into thin air. We later learned about the renowned 'taxi mafia' and were quite relieved that they had got scared off by somebody or something. We managed to get a standard taxi, also for 15US$, but he was just as much of a cowboy and purposefully took us to the wrong hotel. At this hotel, they assured us that Lucky Paradise had changed it's name since we had booked and that they were in fact our chosen establishment, blah blah blah. I phoned our actual hotel and put him onto our driver, who reluctantly took us about 20 metres around the corner to the correct accommodation.

On first appearances the hotel seemed okay. The room was really big and had a TV, air-con, and a bath as per it's description on the website. We dumped our bags and went in search of some much needed food. Outside was pretty much like a ghost town, with no signs of life apart from a few men gathered on corners and men on motos following us around, offering us marijuana (probably as some form of scam). We repeatedly declined and walked on, eventually finding a late night cafe a few blocks away. We ordered some cheese toasties and some dodgy local beer, before returning to the hotel.

Back at our hotel, I went to flush the toilet, and it went a bit crazy. It wouldn't stop flushing, then water shot up from the cistern, hitting the ceiling. Ross used his engineering skills and sorted this one out himself. I then brushed my teeth, and when I turned on the tap, the water dribbled all over my feet. The latter isn't unusual in Asian budget hotels, so I took my wet socks off and got into bed...

Wow! What a mattress! Lumps and bumps and springs in all the wrong places. Ross' was just the same, but too tired to do anything I manoeuvred my body around the springs and was just nodding off when...

BBBRRRRRRRRRRR. BANG BANG BANG. CRASH. SMASH...

The building site opposite, which had been earlier covered by an tarpaulin, had just started the night shift, loading up rubble into a flat-bed truck - at 2am! Ross went downstairs to ask what the hell was happening, but they just shrugged it off, and said that it wouldn't go on all night.

The following morning they said we could change rooms, but on inspection of some of the other rooms, we realised that we probably had the best one already so decided to stay put and invest in some new earplugs. We then had our breakfast and were pleasantly surprised by the friendly girls who served us, and the tasty omelette, bread and coffee. After breakfast I decided to make use of the bath, but was a bit disappointed to find out that the water tank only held (and heated) enough water for about a quarter of a tub. After finishing my shallow soak, when I pulled out the plug the entire contents ran out onto the floor. Some fine plumbing in this joint!

One of the main reasons that we had wanted to visit Hanoi was as a base to visit Halong Bay. Miss World was recently quoted as stating that “Halong Bay is soooo beautiful, it should be made the eighth wonder of the world...”. Not wanting to rely solely on that much acclaimed travel guru, we did some googling, and it did sound pretty spectacular. It's an expansive bay of islands rising vertically out of the sea, ideal for snorkelling, kayaking and relaxing aboard one of the cruise boats. The weather, however, was cold and drizzly, so we didn't think it was worth paying the high price for a tour to do it in the drizzle and fog, plus the day trip option consisted of a seven hour round trip. Instead, we ended up spending four days bumbling around rainy Hanoi and waiting for our flight back to Kuala Lumpur.

Exploring the city wasn't much fun. The streets were dirty, the roads were almost impossible to cross, and we found the locals to be quite hostile. Up until now we'd found the Vietnamese to be the least friendly of all the Asians (apart from Mr Lee on Mui Ne beach), but in Hanoi many of the people we met were just outrageously rude. Maybe they mistook us for Americans, or maybe they are just cold people. Also, we found it really hard to find any decent restaurants, and even then they were ridiculously expensive. On the first day we forked out for an overpriced burger at a western cafe, but the under-cooked patty left my stomach very unhappy, and didn't stay in me for long. My stomach didn't really recover for a few days, which put another downer on our stay.

With not much else to do and an upset stomach, we spent a fair bit of time in our hotel, aka Fawlty Towers, and enjoyed some classic movies on our cable TV (which worked!). The demolition site opposite continued round the clock throughout our stay, but we kind of got used to it. We turned the 'non-turn' mattresses and found sleeping more comfortable.

The only 'touristy' thing we did in Hanoi was visiting the world famous Water Puppet Theatre. Local musicians play Vietnamese folk music using traditional instruments, while puppeteers play out a series of sketches about rural life. The puppeteers stand in the water, behind some raffia blinds and move the puppets round on long sticks. Some of the movements were complex, and were always in time to music, which took some skill.

We've spoken to loads of people about Vietnam and the general consensus is that you either love it or hate it. I wouldn't say that I hated it as we had some really fun experiences further south, but I was so pleased when I boarded the plane back to Kuala Lumpur.


Ross:

Our hotel was a bit of a strange one, also going by the names of Asia Queen Hotel and Old Darling Hotel. Only one of the four plug sockets in our room was actually functional, the rest of which were merely blanks screwed onto the wall with no cabling behind them. As was the same with the supposed 'IDD telephone system' - nothing more than an analogue handset and cradle with no cable connecting it the wall. On our return journey to the airport, our taxi driver informed us that our hotel was run by the 'Hotel Mafia'. What that means, I'm not exactly sure, but they weren't the happiest bunch of hoteliers in the world.

Hanoi's Old Quarter is a hive of bustling, narrow streets with an inch of grime in every gutter. Unfortunately, due to the unrestricted moped parking leaving not an inch of pavement to walk on, all too often its the gutter you find yourself in. That, or risk your life straying into the path of a wall of demon moped rides. Maybe the constant overcast weather didn't help matters but the place seemed constantly dark and dingy, as did a number of the locals. Each street corner is occupied by sets of children's garden furniture, upon which are sat old Vietnamese fellas necking half-pints of the local tipple whilst watching the tourists get knocked down by motos, rickshaws and the odd Vietnamese old hag.

We did find a few gems however, namely cheese and pineapple toasties (made with a real Breville toasty maker) at 12.30am on our night of arrival, swilled down with draft Hanoi lager that put hairs on the hairs on my chest, and gin and tonic Wednesdays at 'Le Pub'. The local Dalat red wine isn't bad either - a definite alcoholic theme emerging. There's also a posh red bridge over to a small island in the middle of a lake that lots of people seemed to be taking pictures of...

To be fair we didn't venture far from the Old Quarter, enjoying only a brief excursion around Hoan Kiem Lake towards the post office and a pizza restaurant in someone's loft, before running for cover, either from the rain, the rats or the moped mafia.

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