The Laotion Adventures of Tarzan Schmid....apparantly

---

Greetings from Sunny Hanoi!

Since my last post I have seen the sights of Laos and have spent 5 days in the North of Vietnam.

My judicious decision to try and do the cost cutting traveller thing and take 'public transport' from Bangkok to Laos proved foolish as I saved about a quid and changed bus and got tuk tuks and all other kinds of nonsense to achieve the same result - arriving in Vientian. What did prove fortunate was that I hit the capital for the three day festival to mark the end of Monsson season so there was a lot going on. The drawback is that in South East Asia people tend to walk around like a fart in a trance so when you pack the banks of the Mekong with thousands of people it takes forever to walk 50 yards.

On my second day I befriended a guy from Hackney and spent my nights with him in the rooftop bar on the Mekong. Laos law says that all business' must be closed by midnight so the bar kicked out then but there was a big nightclub in a massive hotel thet went until 02.00 so that was normally the finishing point of an evening. We ended up hanging out with the first team squad of the Capital's top football team most nights. They were all from Africa and an interesting bunch of guys.... I'm now set up for accomodation in Nigeria, Liberia, Ghana, Siera Leone and Sengal!

The Vientian Bar scene is an interesing one, My London mate Sal was a real Kuzhound and spent a lot of his time talking to the local girls who seemed to be the grey area between hookers and girls out for fun. Every night he took someone home and was never asked for money but I think the same woman would also be looking to earn a few Kip on the side with less handsome men (we was a bit of a lady's man was young Sal!)

Other than the beer Vientian has little to offer so after getting me Vietnamese Visa I headed to Vang Vieng and met up with two other English Lads and a Trio of Northern Irish Girls, all of whom were really cool. Vang Vieng was a great destination after 2+ months on the road. All the restaurants show back to back episodes of Friends or Family guy from lunch till closing and instead of seats its more cushions and lounging aroung. Laying about watching Friends for six hours may not be what travelling is all about but it makes for a nice touch of home so that was cool. The main thing about Vang Vieng is a unique activity called Tubing.

Tubing is cool!

Basically you jump in the river on an old tractor inner tube 10k north of the town and float down the river. Sounds pretty boring? The edge is that every 100 or so metres is a bar hut and they throw you a line from the bank and drag you in for a beer or a bucket. The REALLY cool edge is that most of these bars have big rope swings that sling you into the river from various heights, 2 to 20 metres! It is awesome. For a further twist the two English guys were big Will Ferrel fans so they imposed a rule that on every swing you had to bellow a quote from one of his films as you hurtled across the river! Not beeing as well versed in the works of Mr Ferrel I got stuck after 4 or 5 so reverted to other quotes or more noticeably the Tarzan shout! My personal favourite though was the Goonies quote of 'Hey you Guys!" I used on the bigest swing.

After Vieng Vang We headed up to Luang Prabang, this whole town has been designated a world heritage site by Unesco and the place is beutiful. What was not as great was the drive between the two. Apparantly not that long ago a bus load of tourists were shot by the local mountain guerilla's and we drove past a couple of groups of AK47 toting guys on the way! After we arrived we got massages at the Red Cross massage centre. The red cross do a lot of work here, Laos has had more bombs dropped on it than any other, this was during the Yanks war with Vietnam..... ooops!. Now there is a lot of unexploded ordinance that needs clearing and many get maimed or killed each year from stepping on these bombs.

For dinner we found the best retaurant in town, a real French haute Cuisine affair. Pumkin and Coconut Valoutte was followed by Filet Mignon and liquers and washed down by some excellent Red Wine... The bill for six 2,400,000 Kip (or $37us a head) andf was well worth it! We had a stroke of luck as it was the owners birthday and he had a party until 02.00 and gave us all free champagne. I also got taught some new dance moves by a guy from Laos who pinched Scouse John's backside twice!

The next day I booked a flight with Laos air to Hanoi, and then that evening over a Laos BBQ was read the Lonely Planet excerpt on said airline by my friend Klara. I have this in front of me now.

" Lao Airlines handles all domestic flights in Laos. Purchasing tickets using credit cards carries an additional surcharge. Scedules are unreliable and during holiday seasons it can be very difficult to get a seat to some destinations so book ahead. Safety records for Lao airlines aren't made public and many international organisations and Western embassies advise staff not to use this airline. Always reconfirm your flights a day or two before departing as undersubscribed flights may be cancelled, or you could be bumped off the passenger list"

Great

In the end the flight was fine and I got to Hanoi without a scratch but after an interesting episode at passport control leaving the country. I had paid my airport tax but a German lady had not however the customs woman insisted it was the other way round and that I was indeed 'Inge Schmid' 45 from Dussledorf. Inspite of both myself and Ms Schmid trying to explain her error and showing her the pictures in the passports it took 5 minutes to convince her that she had made a mistake!

The Lao BBQ was a great experiance, part activity part dinner. You basically get given a few plates of finely cut meat, a bowl of veg and a pot of liquid and they open a hole in the table with a fire in it and stick a hot plate like an inverted bowl over the top. The bowl has a lip so you can spoon in the liquid and veg and make soup (we guess) and they just leave you to it.

We finished the night with Dan playing the guitar over drinking games with wine, beer and a bottle of Green Apple Smirnoff! (pictures of this evening and the rest of Laos are on my Facebook page) I lost Ring of Fire.... my bloody game! and had to drink a glass of red wine, vodka and beer..... It had a musky yet fruity bouquet!

Anyways, I will leave Vietnam for another update and move on to the Chunk Tetley Travel index score for Laos.

Transport: 3 - You can get where you want to go but the airline is lethal, the drivers are mental and the pedestrians are caryying AK's! not too pricey though.

Food: 5 - Nearly all earned by the cracking meal although street food in Vientian was great.

Cost: 8 - It is cheaper than Thailand and the early closing times mean that spending does not get away from you to much. You can pay most places in Kip, USD or Thai Bhat but watch the exchange rate in your change as you can get roasted

Sights & Activities: 7 - Tubing gets 4 on its own as a uniquely cool thing to do. You can also Kayak, the scenery is fantastic and Luang Prabang is gorgeous

People (tourist facing): 7 - Better than Thailand but a lot of people are still trying to diddle the poor little tourist. Less poeple understand English here than in my previous destinations.

Accomodation: 8 - Good value and maintained to a high standard you can get a room here chepaer than in Thailand.

Hygene: 8 - Never had a single issue throughout my whole trip but the street in Vientian at Carnival where mad as you would expect.

Safety: 7 - No real problems with safety other than the AK47 guys and Lao air which did not get me :-) I'm sure a lot of people injure themselves on the rope swings though!

Bloke stuff: 13 - I had 2 steaks, one was shite and one was an awesome Filet Mignon which beat anything I have had before. In spite of the midnight rule there was not a town I found where this could not be circumvented and beer Lao is very good! Premiership footy was easy to find as were pool tables. On the lady score, my friend showed that this was a distinct possibility!

Updated Leaderboard

Thailand: 71
Nepal: 67
Laos: 66
India: 43

Next update in ten days from Saigon!

Stay Safe

---