Shut your Pie Hole Frenchy

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Greetings Fellow Nano-Technologists,

The next day began at the typically normal Vietnamese hour of 6am. We were taken to a market in Tra On for us to forage among the garbage for some breakfast, with the Swiss in an obvious bit of trouble since the Vietnamese know not of fine hi-quality chocolate for breakfast, so they settled for a bread roll and a bottle of water...Sarah and I went for the fruit option, dragon fruit and mandarins, refreshingly bonza. Meanwhile the Canadians were lost without snow.
We were herded towards the river front so we could catch our transport to some floating markets. We all made our way down the concrete steps and waited...except for Sarah, who being the intrepid traveler and leader of people she is, decided that she would walk down the concrete boat ramp and wait there. One problem, it was wet and slimy and she went arse over tit in front of us all...there was muffled laughter coupled with compassion form the Canadians and the Germans, the Swiss however remained neutral (strewth I never get sick of that joke). Sarah managed to effectively slice her elbow open but at the same time managed to smile and laugh at her mishap, as she always does. Dominator and the Alte Hase (the Swiss) patched her up though with the use of Ueli's Swiss army knife, some string and some household bleach.
We boarded another barely sea-worthy piece of wood for the trek up river to the floating markets. These floating markets really have to be seen to be believed. And they are exactly what they sound like. Scores of boats are in line astern up the river in maybe three rows, they all sit low in the water because they are crammed full of produce. Essentially it's a big fruit and veg wholesale market. The dudes on the boats hang a long piece of bamboo from the bow or stern of the vessel and from this they hang they type of produce they are selling. So you will see a pole with banana's and mandarins etc etc... crazy stuff. Then dudes from the land who own shops or restaurants will pull up along side and settle on a price, all the while other little vessels chug about selling hot coffee, cool drinks and an assortment of food for shoppers pleasure. Truly amazing. As part of the tour we were given the choice of a sweet rice dish or a corn thing (I can't remember exactly what it was, you see it's just food to me, it either tastes good or it doesn't. Sarah on the other hand being a world renowned chef could tell you exactly what it was) but it was choice anyway.
After this we chugged our way up river to a brickworks. Zoinks, this is where I get tell you about the Vietnamese attitude towards the environment. This is such a beautiful country, a place that does need looking after, but sadly it just doesn't happen. In the cities they throw rubbish in the gutter (but it is cleaned up at night by street cleaners) or sometimes they burn it in the gutter. Motorcycle repair places simply wash oil, petrol, coolant and other chemicals straight into the gutters which eventually make their way into the rivers. People traveling in buses simply throw their rubbish out the window and everywhere up and down the Mekong they pelt rubbish into the river. It truly is sad, but without any education into the dangers of treating the environment like a bitch and without adequate waste disposal and recycling industries then it makes it a little difficult to say the least.
Now the brick works was interesting but primitive and dirty. They fire the kilns with the husks of rice and it emits a thick brown plume of choking smoky goodness...most of the waste material from the process makes its way into the Mekong in some way shape or form.
After this it was off to a Buddhist pagoda for some prayers and pomello fresh from the tree. The monks are pretty kind and tolerant; though I don't think they looked on Sarah favourably when she was handing out 'There's no such thing as Buddha, embrace nihilism and shape the world' cards to all and sundry within the grounds of the pagoda.
We hopped back onboard the SS Unsinkable and headed back to have lunch with the Vietnamese family we had dinner with the night before. There we took part in making spring rolls for lunch, Sarah excelled at this, breaking the 5 roll per minute mark, the Germans constructed them in the most precise and efficient manner possible, the Canadians missed the snow and the Swiss, well yeah, they remained neutral. After lunch it was time for the Germans to leave as they were only on the two day trip, this was sad because now we had no one to keep us on time and on the move across the Mekong according to a strict blitzkrieg like timetable, though we did have the Swiss who make excellent watches.
After resting up for a bit it was time for us to leave as well and we headed back across the river to catch a ferry that would take us to the large Delta city of Can Tho. When I say ferry I really mean a larger enclosed version of the previously lashed together pieces of wood that we had been traveling on. This time however it had a cabin, which in addition to being used for passenger comfort also housed the rather large and un-muffled engine of the vessel. Choice!

So after a noisy hour and a half boat trip we arrived at Can Tho, this was going to be the town where we would see in the New Year. Can Tho is quite a pretty city and you wouldn't know that it was absolutely flattened by American bombs during the war; it has a lovely foreshore along the river with some nice restaurants and parks. Quite serene in a bustling Vietnamese type of way.
We found our lodgings, showered up, met down stairs and headed off for a lovely dinner in a small street stall type restaurant. We all enjoyed it, apart from the Canadians who I think expected a little more, but there was no way they were going to find poached Moose head on the menu and had to settle for fish soup instead.

After the meal, the Canuckers headed back to the Hotel to watch "Canada: Frozen Jewel of The Americas" to relieve their homesickness while at the same time The Swiss and Team Weather resolved to celebrate the new year by corrupting our young Vietnamese guide Em Yen. Yen took us to a cafe that was pretty hip and comfortable. Vietnamese women don't drink, but Sarah and the Dominator soon righted this unjust wrong by making Yen drink a Long Island Ice Tea. Myself being a non-drinker ordered some Orange Yoghurt fruit juice thing which was farkin' choice and was promptly called a big woman by Yen! Funny stuff. Anyway Dominator and Sarah managed to blow Yen's head clean off her shoulders with one sip of the Long Island Ice Tea, and despite the screwed up face and look of disgust on Yen's face she insisted every time she was asked that "I like the drink, it is good". The Vietnamese find it difficult to say no. So things were going swimmingly; Yen was three sheets to the wind after two mouthfuls of her Long Island Ice Tea, Dom and Sarah were nowhere near half cut after drinking, 4 Long Island Ice Teas, 7 Vodka and Limes and 36 G&T's, Ueli was happy nursing his 6th Shirley Temple and I looked on with Orange Yoghurt in hand. Then the waiter tells us the joint is shutting at 11.30pm. Crest fallen we were, we wanted to see the new year in right there, but no we had to split and find an alternate venue to debauch. Unfortunately everything closes at 11pm here. But we did find one venue that was just closing as the time was dangerously approaching midnight. They managed to sell the drinkers some beer and Yen and I a coke about 30 seconds before midnight. So we high-tailed it to the banks of the Mekong and counted down as the water rushed passed and various water craft made their way invisibly yet noisily up and down the Mekong. It was a happy affair even though four of us were distant from our homes and friends, but in essence we were sharing a rare moment with new friends and more importantly we were teaching Em Yen how to tell arrogant French people to shut the hell up in their own language. Smashing! We decided to call it a night considering we had to be up very early the next morning, but a night that was full of laughter and happiness, perhaps a perfect way to see the new year in.

The next day arrived and those of us who went out were dog tired; the Canuckers were swollen eyed as well, but that was because they had spent most of the night with the Air-Con on flat biscuit trying to simulate a Canadian winter while singing Oh Canada. Madness.

So the day started like most other days, on board a rickety lump of tree and off to another floating market except this time it was MASSIVE, with a lot more action. After this we were off to see how they make rice paper. Very manual, very labour intensive and very leave it out in the sun to dry and have fly's crawl all over it, but that's about it, it wasn't very interesting and we were only there for 5-10 mins. Plus a massive tour group of about 50 people turned up. If I were Vietnamese and was working there I would resent being treated like an animal in a zoo, even though I was totally complicit in this. That is the constant struggle here, a struggle in the mind where you know that you are exploiting people here, but you want be here. So what do you do?
Back on the boat, off for some lunch and then aboard a bus for a horrendous 6 hour trip back to Saigon that involved my knees being up under my chin for the entire journey! But aside from that the trip was well worth it and we recommend anybody considering doing a Mekong tour out of Saigon to do it with Innoviet they are a wonderful young company that offer unique small group tours at very reasonable prices (shite I should write advertising copy!).

It was also fortuitous for us that we met Dom and Ueli, two extremely lovely people who we would go to no ends to try and catch up with at a small Island called Phu Quoc...

Fine and sunny with the potential for a torrid and highly strung couple of day trips to Central and Southern regions of the 'Nam.

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Photos

Low in the Water
A vessel at the floating markets, ridning low in the water, yarh!

Oranges
Yes well funnily enough the oranges here in vietnam aren't orange at all, they are actually green on the outside. Strewth!

Roll, a spring roll, a Spring Spring Roll
Sarah cracking the 5 roll per minute mark and ripping it up the German Oli about losing both wars. "Third time lucky hey Jerry?"

Oi Punters, check this out!
A strategically placed pole, with the type of fruit available for sale. Mandarin anyone?

My Tho to Can Tho
Jaso meditating in the noisy hold of the prison barge we took to Can Tho. Meanwhile Sartje looks on and smiles about the fact that food awaits at the end of the boat trip.

Comments

[Don Juan]

camera work
Good to see some photos at long last. Keep up the good work and stay safe. Adios muchachos.