Thai Massage - Cruelty to Humanity!

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Well I couldn't let it go without letting ye know.....I had my first Thai massage! I had justed popped round to the local shop in Khao Sok and on my way back the heavens opened like you have never seen. I ran for cover under the porch of the nearest house.......coincidently a Thai massage parlour. Well when the rains didn't stop after ten minutes I decided that now was as good a time as any to try a massage. (I had resolved myself to having one before I left Thailand anyway!) When in Rome do as the Romans do and all that!

So in I go and get a one hour Thai massage for a whooping 200 baht (4euro). What was to follow was an hour of pulling and pushing and cracking of knuckles and of getting knees into the back and fists into the legs that I don't thing they have even resorted to in Guantanimo bay as yet! Honestly, these women would have been thrown out of the Gastapo for cruelty!

Of course I was fairly blind as to what a Thai massage was in the first place so I am equally to blame.

It started with me being stripped down to my boxers and a robe put around me. Then I was put lying on a matt on the floor. Then she said she'd put on some relaxing music for me (Phil Collins greatest hits!) I knew at that stage it was unlikely I was onto a winner here!

Anyway it began with a loosening of the muslces in my left leg. (aka whacking them to bits with her fist then rubbing them down gently......then whacking them to bits with her fist then rubbing them down gently......then whacking them to bits with her fist then rubbing them down gently......then whacking.......you get the gist. Five minutes in and I am thinking that an hour is an awful long time. I consider cutting my losses and paying her another 200 just to stop the pain!

But I don't and I persist. Over the next 40 minutes or so she completes the left leg, then the right leg. Then onto the Left hand, then the right. At this stage I have tuned myself out and got lost in the words of "In the air tonight". But me thinks so has she because when the drum solo takes off....so does she! And she can hold a beat i'll have you know! I got the bruses to prove it! :-). Every now and then she'd say "you hurt...you hurt???" and when I muster up enough power to reply (without my eyes welling up) and say no she'd give off a big puff of dissapointment and repeatedly says "why not, why not...I strong woman you know!".

I knew, I just wouldn't give her the satisfaction of knowing I knew!

The final 20 minutes were dedicated to the back and the face. And by now I am well and truely in tune with the force that is going to be involved, but never cod a codder let me tell you. Remember there was still 20 minutes left and she was always going to have the upper hand. And at this stage I had my head face down on a pillow and I couldn't see what was going on at all. I never knew what was going to happen from one moment to the next. One second she would be trying to put my toe into my ear...the next she was kneeing me into the lower back! Lovely woman! :-). The final five minutes were a form of a work down where she went easy on me and gave me a hot towel massage of the face. Although she was bewildered as to why she couldn't find any muscles on my left temple.....I couldn't be bothered explaining!

So almost as soon as it begun and only a few broken ribs...it was over and I had only aged about 5 years.

Great value altogether for 4 euro!
Can't wait for my next one!

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